My 17 1/2 year old daughter

Marisol - posted on 07/21/2016 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My daughter is best friend's is a 25 year old female, I don't have a problem with this her best friend is also a lesbian now my 19 year old daughter has a big problem with this because she's accusing my 17 year old of being in a relationship with her, she's started physical alterations with her threatening her telling her if she doesn't stop hanging around her older friend she would call the police on her, I've told my older daughter she's blowing this whole thing out of proportion, I'm tired of my daughter's fighting all the time and being a referee, my 17 is telling me she is thinking about filing a restraining order against her sister, I don't want it to come to that, I don't know what to do about these two, Does anyone have some advice what I should do should I step back and let the restraining order go thru or what cause I'm at wits end about this.

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Ev - posted on 07/22/2016

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{Siblings fight constantly. It's normal.}-----I agree siblings fight but not all the time and it is normal for sibs to disagree.

{If they're both living in your home you can tell them to knock it off or intervene though}
-----Apryl, I do not think you read the whole thing. The older daughter is trying to cause a physical fight with her younger sister over her choice of friends. The older daughter can go to jail for assault charges. The mother is done with having to intervene all the time..
{17 and 19 is only a two year difference}-----My sis and I are 3 years apart and we argued constantly but we never got physical as this OP is stating here.

{ They should be able to rationalize with each other on their own at this point. They're both old enough to know right from wrong.}-----Sometimes it does not work this way and if they do not like each other well enough rationalizing is not going to work regardless of knowing right or wrong.

Jodi - posted on 07/22/2016

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I think I also want to add here that I would be concerned if my 17 1/2 year old's best friend was a 25 year old. She also needs to have friends her own age. So as a parent, maybe this is another aspect you might want to consider here. Not that you can choose your daughter's friends, but perhaps consider discussing this with her.

Jodi - posted on 07/22/2016

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Siblings having PHYSICAL fights at this age is NOT normal.
You need to talk to the 19 year old and tell her that this situation is not any of her business.

If the 19 year old is still living at home, let her know that she needs to stop with the bullshit or she can leave. Physical altercations with her sister are NOT okay. Warn her that her sister is considering a restraining order, and if this continues, you will not stand in her way. Also let her know that if a restraining order goes through, your 19 year old will have to find somewhere else to live (if she is living with you).

As a parent, you need to call them on their crap.

If none of this works, you could encourage them to undertake mediation to resolve the issues.

Dove - posted on 07/22/2016

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If the adult child laid a hand on my other child in my home after she had already been told to knock it off... I'd call the police on her myself. This isn't two kid siblings having a little squabble or a wrestling match. This is assault and harassment and if were happening in my home... the instigator would be finding themselves arrested and thrown out by the police. I don't stand for violence in my home.

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2016

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Why is it harsh? The older daughter is being a bitch. This isn't the first time they have been fighting. The OP is sick of being a referee so she needs to let her older one know that she needs to act like an adult. It's simple.
I don't put up with my children fighting, yes they do occasionally, but it's nothing they don't get over after about 10 mins.

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Dove - posted on 07/22/2016

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Physical fighting among siblings is certainly not normal in my home.... Certainly not w/ children old enough to know that violence is not the answer. Granted, my 8 year old still wants to lash out sometimes, but he almost never actually DOES anymore.

Verbal arguments and the occasional stomp off and slam the door? Yep... that's what I would consider normal between siblings, but even that doesn't usually happen too often outside of when one of the girls is PMSing... lol

Apryl - posted on 07/22/2016

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Siblings fight constantly. It's normal.
If they're both living in your home you can tell them to knock it off or intervene though.
17 and 19 is only a two year difference. They should be able to rationalize with each other on their own at this point. They're both old enough to know right from wrong.

Dove - posted on 07/22/2016

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Dang it... I was even harsher than Michelle... too bad the troll got removed from THIS post... lol

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2016

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Please learn how to spell or even use spell check on the computer. I didn't understand a word you wrote there.
You obviously aren't a parent to make a comment like that. The older daughter is an ADULT and needs to learn to behave like one.

ETA: You can't ground an adult.

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2016

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Your older daughter needs to back off. If they are both living in your home then a restraining order isn't going to work.
I would probably let the older one know that if she doesn't mind her own business and shut her mouth, she will have to find somewhere else to live.
If she doesn't live at home then tell her that her sister will get a restraining order on her if she doesn't get her nose out of her sisters business.

Nadine - posted on 07/22/2016

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If your adult child is bullying and physically intimidating a child in your home, why is she still in your home?

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