my 17 year old male son is angry all the time and wont get with the program and is being rebellious

Bonnie - posted on 03/22/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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help...my 17 year old son is 10 weeks from being 18 and very angry and hard to deal with, very rebellious and i cannot control him. When he gets mad now he throws things and is having 5 year old tantrums. Now, I'm becoming afraid of him. I want to throw in the towl, but i keep giving him another chance to come home after he has had a few days at his dads. He is close to getting a GED at his special school and I dont know if i should set him up to go to college or continue to put up with is violence and i think that he may be drinking. He thinks that I owe him everything that he wants. I dont want him to be a menice to society. Any suggestions? should i keep him at home and let him continue to abuse me and trash out our home until he is 18 in 11 weeks or do i kick him out and let him fend for himself even though he will probably fail out there in the world with no job and no schooling....im at my wit ends...with this one.

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Cynthia - posted on 05/06/2013

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put him out. let him fail. thats life. he will find his way but not until thats what he has to do. he needs to learn somethings that you cant teach him. if he fails he will learn. we only grow and learn when we are uncomfortable. he is too comfy. make things a little or a lot harder on him. when he's ready he will grow up. he needs to depend on himself and find his own path. its hard for some. he may just need a month on his own to snap into the man you want him to be. he needs to make mistakes. this does not mean he is doomed. life is full of mistakes. no one is successful all the time. it's a ride he will have to go at alone soon enough any way. let him ruin his life, for now anyway. you can help him pick up the pieces later.

June - posted on 03/22/2011

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I have a 16 yr old son and I've found that around this age they're caught in between that child/young adult stage of their lives. With boys I notice they internalize alot, which then comes off as anger and rebellion because they don't know how to deal with their emotions. School, family, peers, gf's, the thought of starting life and responsibility after school, etc. These things can overwhelm a teenager. But also, even though their going to be on their own soon, they still have the responsibilities to you and your family to be respectful, accountable, helpful, etc. Teenagers this age don't stop to think that all they have is because of their parents. They haven't had the chance to support themselves yet or others, so they don't understand. I think that this is one of the most frustrating things for a parent. Sometimes they don't talk about things right away, but given time to cool off, they might just open up if you ask gently. Now, as far as the abuse and destruction...You do not have to put up with this pattern of behavior. He is your son, you love him. To allow is to enable the behavior. If you haven't set rules, you must. If he breaks the rules, give consequences and stick to them. Let him know you mean business. Do not lose your temper. You let him know where you stand and make sure you have the support of your family. Don't make yourself sick over this. Be strong and good luck.

JuLeah - posted on 03/22/2011

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He is angry for a reason. He acts in ways that works for him. Helping him is very different then doing for him. Helping him is very different then making excuses for him. Why in the world would you set someone his age up to go to college?
Boot him out as soon as you are legally able: Yes, he will fall on his butt. Yes, he will make mistakes and get hurt. He will learn, he will pick himself up and become a man.
Each time you protect him from the consequences of his own actions, you make the 'real world' even harder for him to live in. Each time you do for him what he can and should do for him self, you send him the meaage that you think he can't do it; you don't believe in him. No wonder he is angry.
I am not saying don't love him, but give him the diginity of living his own life and the lessons he is learning from you right now about how to treat women he will carry into all of his adult relationships.

Chanda - posted on 05/06/2013

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My 17 yr old thinks that he is grown and knows everything. I called the police on him just the other day because my husband and I are tired of his crap. He will not keep his room clean, will not take out the trash, starts arguments with his younger brother for no reason. He has no respect for grown ups at all. He steals things out of my bedroom so I have put a lock on the inside and outside. All he wants to do is eat, sleep , and go see his girlfriend. I told his girlfriend if she knew like I do she would go on with her life and be somebody! Cause if a boy can not respect his mom he can't respect NO WOMAN! I can't kick him out my house because he is still a minor and he is still in school. I can't wait til Jan 17, 2014 if I live to see it that son of mine has to go!!!! And I am not going to feel bad and beat myself up for putting him out!!! When a kid gets to where they don't want to listen to you they need to go! I know that I did not raise this child like this, I know that I have done everything I can do for him. He may not have had all that he wants but he had had all he needs. So now I have quit doing anything for him. I don't even speak to him if he don't say anything to me.. And that is sad!!!

Christy - posted on 03/22/2011

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Don't give up on him. If he gets abusive to you threaten to call the police. And if it continues, do so.

Is there someone to talk to at his school before he graduates that may be able to help you (therapy, a mentor, etc)?

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Angela - posted on 05/06/2013

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QUOTE:

"my 17 year old male son is angry all the time and wont get with the program and is being rebellious"

Really, your son is MALE? Redundant adjective there!

Show him the door. His sense of entitlement might fade when you're not around.

Cheryl - posted on 05/06/2013

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Most people will tell you to "just pray" or take him to counselling. But, sometimes there are two factors that I believe can go overlooked. First of all, the reason for his anger may be something simpler than you think. Try hard to think about something in his life that seems unsettled. Also, being testy can simply be a part of the independence process. I'm not telling you that you should allow him to act out to the point you're afraid of him. As a woman, you were a girl. That's a lot different from a boy. What male role models has he had? What other young men can you draw from, for gauging his behavior? Has something upset him recently, or could this be depression?

User - posted on 01/11/2012

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well before u said that he was drinkin i already knew thee was drugs in the picture see right now he thinks that you old him something and you dont you are the adult and i dont want you too feel guilty because thats wht hes tring too do hes 18 not consider grown yet so you give him an alternative either get some act right meanin stop drinking this is my hous im not gonna put up with that kind of behavior and you are not gonna treat me like that im not gonna continue to let you treat me this way tou can choose to do whta i suggest of you can choose to be a grow man and finn for yourself

Jodi - posted on 03/22/2011

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You mention his special school, so I do think knowing WHY he is in a special school would help? Also, what is it that he is getting angry over? There must be certain things that are triggering this behaviour, what are they?

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