My 17 year old son wants to leave home because his father and I told him he was not going to date a certain girl anymore.

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

We never wanted him to date her in the first place because of all the boy friends she has had, and what we read on her facebook. She had just broke up with a boy and a week later liked our son. He started treating us awful because we said NO to him dating her. After a week of being treated like this we finally gave in and said he could date her... One of the reasons we gave in, he told us she was a good girl and was not a sexual girl, and he said he wasn't looking for a sexual relationship right now either. He dated her for 2 months and our son has now turned into a totally different person. He started lying, skipped school to go see her. Our son is a high honor role student, has never told us lies before, has never givin us any problems, Ever!!!
A few days ago I took his phone from him because I felt something wasn't right. He never deleted his text messages so I got to read a whole month of their confersations back and forth. It took me almost a hour to read everything and I could not believe what I was reading. She told him she like to give oral sex and she was good at it. My son told her he was upset to hear that and told her he didn't want that right now.. she told him he just lowered her self esteem by not wanting one. He then told her he was sorry and needed to forget about her past and what she had done to other guys! One week later in the text she is asking him if they can do sexual things, like anything.. he said, yes this time. He never got the chance because that was the day I took his phone, thankfully!
My son was so mad I took his phone and found this out. He said I want to live somewhere else after we told him he was grounded for skipping school, and he was not going to date her anymore. We gave him rules in the beginning when they started dating, Example: Her mom had to be there when he went to her house, no sneaking around, no being in her room. He done everything we asked him not to do because the girl has him wrapped around her finger and she is such a manipulater!!
Anyway, he started treating us like crap again! Told us all he wanted was to leave our home and be with her, we said that's not going to happen. My husband and I tried our best to talk with him and he totally ignoered us. A few nights ago we tried talking with him again and he would just say I'm tired and cover his head with a blanket. I told him he was not going to treat us like shit over a girl who is boy crazy and loves giving oral sex, who knows what she could have caught from doing that.. he got so mad and it turned into a big argument. He stressed me out so bad I was yelling at him to wake up and see the big picture about that girl, he smarted off to me and I slapped him once on the face and he looked at me with such evil eyes and it was freaky to me. Later in the night my husband tried talking with him and he just covered his head with blankets and said I don't want to live here anymore, ' I want to live with Paige" ( the g/f ) we told him that was not going to happen and if he kept this up we were going to home school him to keep him away from her until he gets his head back on his shoulders.
The next morning I went to wake him and he was gone, I looked outside and his truck was in the driveway, I woke my husband up and started to panic. I called the school he wasn't there and neither was the girl, so we called the police.We drove to the girls house and the cop followed us, my husband went to the door and her sister said our son was there but not now, then the cop went in and told my husband to wait in the car. When the cop came back to our car he told us our son and his g/f went to child protective services for child abuse because I ( his mom) beat him up that night. I forgot to mention, our son walked ten miles to that girls house in zero degree's weather. He told CPS that was his safe haven from us, and the abuse in our home and he was in living in a unsafe and hectic enviroment. He then brought up 7 years ago when my husband and I were having problems and he told them he has been living a awful life but was to ashamed to tell anyone, wow!!
After being there all day telling CPS and the cop his story they started an investagatoin. Btw, we never got to meet her mom before, but here mom went to CPS when the g/f asked her to. They finally brought him back home, talked to us, told us family counsling was needed and this is a 30 day trial to see how things work out. Our son done all of this thinking they would let him go live with that girl and her mom. He told me today it broke is heart when they brought him back home to us, and he couldn't stand to be in my presense anymore and now he dislikes me more than ever.
The day before I took his phone he was fine and still asking me for money to take that girl out to eat, those are things I had done for him, and buying her Christmas gifts for him to give her. Now I am a child abuser he says. I am so hurt and can't stop crying, when I try talking with him he looks at me like he hates my gutts, such evil looks he gives me.
I have his phone and he is getting text from kids at school saying" we heard what your mom done to you" we hope your safe, do what you have to do bro. My son didn't go to school yesterday and the girl went and told all the kids I abused my son, posted it all over facebook I was told.
I have never gave our son a spanking in his life nor his father, I slapped him one time that night for how he was treating me.
Am I a bad mother for loving my son and wanting the best for him? Is his father a bad dad for telling him also he is not dating that girl because of what I wrote above about her? I know he's a 17 year old teenager and all kids go through things at that age, BUT, telling CPS I abused him and he dislikes me his hard to take. Where did I go wrong??


Dove - posted on 01/26/2013




How did you go wrong? By forbidding him from dating her.

Ground him for being disrespectful or skipping school or whatever, but forbid him from seeing her.... and she becomes the golden prize.

I'm sorry that I don't have the right advice to give here as my oldest is only 11, but I can tell you one thing from reading what you've written.... If you don't change your approach (and the family counseling is a good place to start)... the day he turns 18 he will be gone and may never come back.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you all can find a way to get through it!!


View replies by

FoxyMom - posted on 01/28/2013




I agree with the others. You may have to pull some tough love. Let him make his mistakes but talk to him about what could happen, babies, STDs and such. SHOW him pictures of what an STD can do to his body. You need to show your son you support him and respect him but you expect him to show you the same. Not sure how the car is worked out but I'm assuming you paid for it and the insurance. Tell him that you don't mind helping him out with it but if he can't show you the respect he wants for himself he will have to get a job and find a way to pay for his car, insurance, cell phone etc.

Shawnteria - posted on 01/28/2013




Im really sorry for the trouble youre going through and i know its stressful. Im a young mom so i can only give advice from what ive seen other moms do in situations like these have your son earn his privileges let him know seeing and being with his gf is a privilege you say your son was making good grades before his gf so compromise with him after all he is 17 i think its time for him to learn nothing is given in this world everything is earned tell him if he attends class and picks his grades up in school he can bring her to the house on saturdays and they can spemd the day there that way he can be with her and you can keep an eye on them all at the sametime if he respects you and obey your rules he can have his truck back(assuming youve taken his truck) tell him to get a job that way he pays his own cellphone bill and it will keep you from having any claim on it because you dont pay the bill that way if he gets a part time job he has less time for his gf try spending time with his gf yourself that way he will c that your not pushing any more and will think you like her which will make him not so much and again by doing that shes with you more than she is with him i know this sounfs hard but trust itll be worth it in the end. Youve got to let him make his own mistakes and bad gfs will be one of them eventually he will realize shes not for him but in the meantime try to stay in the loop as much as possible that way you know everything and she dorsnt get total control over him.

P.s. Be sure to talk to him about safe sex because chances are its going to happen so its better to be safe than sorry. And if its not to overwhelming get your husband to get hisself involved in that also that way you guys may can talk him into getting her tested as well as himself. So he doesnt feel your singling her out.
Hope this helps good luck...

Bonnie - posted on 01/27/2013




My heart aches for you. I don't have a son but I do have two daughters ages 18 and 20. My oldest is my difficult child. She has anger issues that began two years ago when a boyfriend entered her life (ours 2). The worst thing is to forbid them from being together. You in a better position being involved as hard as that is. I also had a assult with her for yelling outside at him swearing and when I told her to take it somewhere else she shoved ME. I told her to give me her key and come back tomorrow when she cools down. She did we talked and she was informed if it happened again I would have her arrested. She was 19 and living in my home rent free (attending Beauty School and working) Six months later she moved out and lives with him and his Mom. She is paying her rent. My daughter looks miserable.

For your son to bring in CPS was a bit too much. Someone told him to do this, I doubt it was his idea. You will do well with a third party person to mediate the problems. My Mom is in this field and advises me.

One thing is own your own actions and don't make excuses. I am hurting trying to adjust to her moving out. I will be thinking of you. He is trying to munipulate you. Maybe he needs a part time for his own cell phone. Talk to him about safe sex. I speak openly to my girls but you have a son...

Best of luck

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