Rachel - posted on 07/05/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )
Hi, I am putting this out there to moms and daughters. Two years ago, my daughter had finally hit and pushed me for the last time (yes, she was in therapy) and I demanded that she go to her fathers. He had months before moved in with his older daughter (single mom of 42) and his grandchildren. I think my daughter was aching in a way to be with them. The divorce between my ex-husband and I was terrible once the Judge would not give hiim 50/50 custody and I know that he was saying horrible things about me to daughter and while we were on the phone and she was in ear shot. So, there was a lot of conflict in my daughter's life. He let her do pretty much what she wanted, and I was not strict (her words) but wanted her to follow some basic rules, the biggest one being respect. I regretted it because my daughter never came back to live with me. I continued to be involved (we were in therapy from September 2011 to June 2012), pay for her private school, provide many opportunities. She even once asked for my forgiveness for her "cruel" behavior, and of course I gave it to her. Since living with him for two years, her grades went down, she was not turning in work, etc., and her school did everything they could to support her. The good news is, she got accepted to college on the East Coast and is planning to go (I worked very closely with her college counselor, yet I tried to stay behind the scenes because my daughter was very resistant to my suggestions and her father had no involvement at all). My daughter wants me to help pay for her college (of course). We came up with an agreement with a few basic things I required (having to do with her being in therapy, signing up for services in college, and giving me online access to her grades when they come out). My daughter agreed easily. She has not followed through with providing my authorizations/access and I am about to remove myself from the picture. So many times my daughter tells me she will do something and does not. She only returns my calls when she feels like it, wants a ride, wants some money. Deep in my heart, I feel that she has not forgiven me for "throwing" her out. I have been told that she thinks she is the boss, feels very entitled, etc. I would love to help my daughter, but I feel that if she can't even return a phone call, let alone stick to an agreement, I am thinking that I just have to stick to my guns...if we both keep up our ends of an agreement, great, if not...there is no longer an agreement. Anyone with any thoughts?