my 18 year old daughter is pregnant and spends 95% of time at her boyfriends family home

[deleted account] ( 25 moms have responded )

My daughter is 18 she has been with her boyfriend for one year. About 8 months ago I told her that he could not spend the night here. So she started spending almost all of the time at his home with his family. Then about 2 months ago she told me she was pregnant. I wanted her to come back home before she told me she was pregnant. Now that she is pregnant I want her home more than ever. Her room is still the way she left it (well not exactly I cleaned it !) I am supporting her as far as going to doctor appointments .I have started buying baby supplies. Clothes ect. I just want her to come home but she wants to be with her boyfriend and he wants to be with his family. His mother smokes cigarette in the house. I have now told him that he can come here to stay now that she is pregnant. My daughter is starting to get mad at me. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm overreacting but my daughter is only 18 well she will be 19 in a few days .but she is still my baby. And my grandchild I want him or her to be here . Any words of wisdom? Thanks for listening.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2015

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LOL...waiting for an attorney's meeting on a harassment case,...I'm a bit bored! LOL

At least I can prove that I'm a parent... ;-)

Michelle - posted on 02/01/2015

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I agree with Dove. The more you push to have her come home, the more she will dig her heals in and stay at her boyfriends.
She is an adult and can make her own choices, your job is to be there if those choices are wrong and come crashing around her. If you push her too far away then she won't come to you when she really needs you.

Dove - posted on 02/01/2015

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Let her go. As hard as it is she is an adult and the more you try to cling to her... the more she is going to fight to get away and you risk permanently severing your relationship w/ her.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2015

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LOL...Oh, you poor little boy!

Lets see. You aren't whining...except that you are replying to everything with the attitude of a poorly raised 10 YO and namecalling, which is an obvious sign of a misguided elementary student on a holiday from school with nothing better to do.

You don't want me to reply? Guess what, kiddo...YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE. You're on a site for MOTHERS not whiny little boys who have nothing better to do. You're not necessarily welcome here, nor were you invited to join. You don't want people to pick on you? Get off the site. It's not a site for kids, men, trolls, or any other.

But, hey, you can go ahead and continue to prove me right, or you can grow up, grow a set and get off the mom's site.

I'm looking forward to more laughs, so please...feel free to respond! Lets see what naivete really looks like. After all, you're naive enough to think that we're actually conversing with you...which we really aren't...You're merely a thin skinned, but thick witted child who thinks you know it all...typical.

Dove - posted on 02/04/2015

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LOL Jason... why are you on a site for MOM'S... and you know you can turn off COM's email notifications.... and can also deactivate your account. Take responsibility for yourself here.

Jason R - posted on 02/04/2015

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Omg, your the one whining, Shawn. I hate naive, thick headed people like you. I'm not a little boy. Stop replying comments in in my email. I don't feel like talking to your type.

Dove - posted on 02/04/2015

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I don't get snow days either, but lots of my Facebook friends are having them... ;)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2015

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Oh, forgot snow days...LOL...we don't have those in Wyoming...not until we've got over 3 feet of the fluffy white stuff

Dove - posted on 02/04/2015

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Dang it.... we've got Jason, No, Twinkle (or was it Sparkle)... ugh... Oh... duh SNOW DAYS. That's why we have trolls right now.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2015

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Go away child. This is not a site for whiny little boys

Jason R - posted on 02/03/2015

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I didn't claim anything you stuck up, arrogant little woman. Don't sit there and to try and condescend me. This is not my mothers computer and I don't play games such as minecraft.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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Jason, it's time for you to get off of your mother's computer, and GO TO SCHOOL.

For Christ's sake, you are an annoying little twit, who is doing nothing but being a little butthead. No shit 18 is an adult. That's why you 'claiming' to be a parent and recommending calling CPS is completely absurd.

Go home, little boy. Play minecraft or something.

Jason R - posted on 02/03/2015

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You can call children protective services which might make her really hate you so just do it anonymously.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2015

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Never did I say anything about your house rules, Ms. Merkle, just simply pointed out that you have already made a point to tell her that her boyfriend isn't welcome. You most likely did say "He isn't welcome to SPEND THE NIGHT". What your daughter heard is "Your choice of partner isn't welcome to me, don't bring him home". My kids were raised with the idea that sex is 'ok', but making love is better, and making love only happens with 'the one'. They were also raised to be responsible, and if they DID choose, upon reaching age of consent, to engage in sexual intercourse, to be smart about it. Thankfully, our methods paid out, and we're still not grandparents.

You can't help what your kids hear when you speak to them...none of us can help that.

However, I will point out that your daughter was an adult when you said her boyfriend wasn't welcome. As an adult, she is perfectly capable of deciding to remove herself and her boyfriend from your home. It's not surprising that she feels more comfortable elsewhere. That's human nature. You tell someone they aren't welcome, they will usually not come back. And if you feel that it is rude to tell you to let your adult kid be a parent...whatever. She is trying to make a relationship work, with a child involved. I wouldn't (and didn't) want negative people around my kids, so it doesn't surprise me that she wouldn't either.

Oh, and responses? You're on an open international internet forum. You are reading typed words, without the benefit of facial expressions or tone of voice to assist. Don't read too much into things. Blunt I may be. Rude is in your perception. It is not rude to tell someone to let their adult child BE an adult.

[deleted account]

Thank you Mary. thank God my daughter came over last night and we had a good talk. I will definitely invite both of them over. Her boyfriend and I get along fine. He is kind of quiet and shy. Doesn't like to talk a lot . I did take him aside after the first obgyn appointment and told him that they were welcome to now stay with me as a couple especially since there was a baby on the way. Thank you for your support.

Mary - posted on 02/03/2015

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I know u must be hurting with would of and could ofs etc....but u just need to listen to her wants now. Just keep being supportive and tell her how much u love her and how concerned u are. Thats all you can do. Love her and be supportive! If u accept the boyfriend and like him ....invite him and her over for dinner or to watch movies or anything positive , where u can start a realationship w him too! This will bring u all closer, so when the baby is born. U can all feel comfortable spending time with one another! I think u are doing a wonderful job at being a loving, concerned mom! Dont listen to negative people telling u what u should have done! Babies are blessings not mistakes! God bless u! May only love and joy be in your life and your daughter , grandchild!

[deleted account]

And just to let you know the other two ladies that gave me advice gave it gently and with respect unlike you. I have taken their advice and am trying to start a letting go process.

[deleted account]

Excuse me Shawna but that was when they were dating and she was not pregnant. She was working full time .going to community college. And I did not feel comfortable for them to be Co habitating. In the bedroom. I don't know what kind of a mother you are but I didn't want my daughter and her boyfriend thinking they could do that . If you are going to say rude things please don't reply just to say something mean. This is first time I have been on this kind of website.and I usually don't tell people my problems but I was very emotional over the weekend and was looking for support

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/02/2015

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She's an adult...

I can't blame them for not wanting to come back to your home, after you blatantly told him he was not welcome.

They are going to be parents. Let them be.

[deleted account]

Thanks Michelle . I just also left reply with Dove .she's my baby and my only girl. Also I think it's harder yet because she is pregnant. Thank u for your input. I will try to back off a little. It's just kind of weird because she talks about her boyfriends mother how crazy she is. That my daughter when she's not working she just goes to her boyfriends bedroom and will wait for him to get off work. She doesn't like being around her bf mother. Her boyfriend isn't ready to leave his mom's house yet .so she is choosing to stay with him. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. But I will try to back off thank you

[deleted account]

Thank you Dove I know what you mean . It was easier though letting go of my boys .she's my only girl and the youngest. I think if she wasn't pregnant it wouldn't be as emotional. I don't want to ever loose her.

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