My 18 year old daughter won't keep a job and has become belligerent

Toni - posted on 01/25/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have a 18 year old daughter she graduated this year from high school. She is attending a community college. The problem is she stays out all weekend doesn't come home. Then when she does sometimes the next morning she doesn't go to school. I have found liquor in her dresser draw, then two months ago she came to me saying she was pregnant she wanted a miscarriage I told her my husband and I would not help her with that act. Unfortunately about 3 weeks ago she had a miscarriage. Besides the fact I've only met her boyfriend once because she says she is embarrassed by us. There have been several occasions that I gave her the choice to get a job and start helping around the house or you will have to leave. She would stay at several friends houses for months and then when she has nowhere else to go she calls and asks if she can come home. So I let her because I don't want her to have nowhere to stay then the cycle starts all over again. I've begun to tell her you can only use the car to go to school and when she ask for money from us I tell her no and reinforce to her she needs to get a job so she can have her own money. I'm really at my wits end but when I tell her these things she goes off on a rampage and calls me pschyco and becomes belligerent again. There was a time we fought she pushed me against the back door and I had to fight my way out of it she is 5'8 and I'm only 5'2 when I told her I was going to call the police she threatens to call child services. I'm not sure what to do anymore but to continue to say no when she asks for money and continue to reinforce she needs to get a job for her own well being n


Raye - posted on 01/25/2016




First, she is an adult now, so she needs to act like one. And you need to treat her like one. If she's going to live in your house, you should probably have a contract or "tenant agreement" in place that outlines the conditions in which she is allowed to remain in your home. Whatever these rules are, consider that she is now an adult... what rules would you have if you were renting a room to any other adult that was not your child?

If she is violent, you can call the police on her. She is no longer a child, so CPS probably can't do anything. If you threaten to take away the car or that she has to move out, then follow through on the threats and don't back down. She's treating you like crap because you're allowing it by continuing to give in to her demands. If she truly has no other place to go, she can go to a shelter. Of course you never want that for your child, but that might be the kick in the pants she needs to get on her own two feet. She needs to learn there are consequences.

Dove - posted on 01/25/2016




You are under no legal obligation to house her any longer since she is 18. If she even attempts to hit you... call the police immediately and press charges. Let her go ahead and call CPS and let them explain to her that she is legally an adult now and staying at home is a privilege... not a right.

If she is attending college and maintaining a good GPA I may not press the job issue, but she WOULD absolutely be respectful, agree to a reasonable curfew (as a respectful adult living in another person's home), and contribute to the household chores and stuff.

Write up a contract that you can both agree to... or she can find alternate living arrangements. You do not have to put up w/ this behavior. If she wants to be an adult... she needs to behave like one.


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Barbara - posted on 01/25/2016




I think your daughter needs to understand that if she wants to continue to live at home, then there are rules and boundaries that she has to abide by. She needs to understand that you love her and that is why rules and limits are there - that if you didn't love her - it wouldn't matter to you what she did. I think, children, especially young adults tend to push the envelope all the time, and it's really important for parents to set limits and stick to them. IMO when you act wishy-washy concerning those limits you are actually encouraging her behavior. She is 18 and CPS has no authority at all. If she becomes physical with you - I would encourage you to call the police. Maybe that is the wake up call she will respond to.

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