My 18 year old son contols my life!!!

Delilah - posted on 05/17/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Let me begin by saying that I love my son dearly (most of the time) and I also want the very best for him. I recently moved to Texas from NY and my son stayed there with my sister because he did not want to move with me. He comes home whenever he wants, smokes weed, no longer in school and just does what he wants. I thought he would actually get better after I left him with my sister because he wouldn’t have me to lean on and would need to be more responsible for himself. Goshhh I was wrong. He did not listen to her at all and did more of what he wanted because I was not around to try and stop him. He recently got kicked out of her place, he went to live with his dad and he is about to get kicked out of that place too because his dad asked him to not stay out and gave him a 2am curfew. Which he has already violated twice this week and he has only been living there a week. I speak to him a lot and we communicate well most of the time. He is also slightly depressed because he says nobody wants him and they (family) want him to not be a teenager and have all these rules. I was ready to move back to NY to help support and guide him, but I am also afraid he will only do more of the same when he is with me. I don’t know what to do?!!!!!! I get a phone call a few times a day, i am stressed, cry a lot because there is always a complaint about him. The situation with my son is controlling how I live my life.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/17/2016

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This kid is an adult. Of COURSE the rest of the adults in the family expect him to act as an adult, not a spoiled, entitled teenager!

Tell your son that life is rough, and he'll do A LOT better if he adheres to house rules when someone takes him in.

Raye - posted on 05/17/2016

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Yes, he's a teenager, but he's not a child anymore. At 18 he is an adult and is responsible for his actions. People have a right to have conditions that must be met for him to live in their home, or else he needs to get his own place so he can do as he pleases. Real life has consequences, and if he can't show people respect in their own home then they have a right to not allow him to live there.

Jodi - posted on 05/17/2016

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Your son is not controlling your life. You are CHOOSING to LET him control your life. You can say no. He's an adult. Stop catering to him - he is making adult choices, he can deal with the consequences. When you get that phone call, tell him to grow the fuck up, tell him that he is an adult now, making adult choices, and he needs to understand that when he lives in other people's homes, no matter how old he is, there are rules. If he can't live with those rules, then it's time to get his own place.

I - posted on 05/18/2016

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Hi I feel that the rental agreement is perfect with strict rules he needs to adhere. Give him 3 months to find a job and to show you that he is an adult. Tell him as an incentive that if he can get a job and follow house rules you will extend his living agreement for 6 months to allow more time for him to become financially independent.

Michelle - posted on 05/17/2016

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I think you need to tell him that he chose to stay in NY so he needs to get a job and support himself. You don't need to rearrange your life for him.
The rest of your family also need to stop calling you to make you feel guilty. He is an adult and since he doesn't want to live by rules, he should live on his own. He needs to realize that it's tough being an adult and then maybe he will respect you more and all you have done for him.

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Sarah - posted on 05/18/2016

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I think everything got covered pretty well. Him moving to you or you moving back does not seem like it would be very productive for either of you. All you can do is love him and let him navigate his life. Is he done with HS?

Lisa - posted on 05/18/2016

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I have a19 year old daughter who has attempted suicide twice in the last two months. I totally understand what you are going through. Yes they are technically adults but they are our babies! My heart breaks for you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/17/2016

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I'd tell the rest of the family to be the same adults they expect him to be, and handle their own situations!

Jodi - posted on 05/17/2016

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Ah, okay. That clarifies it :) He's an adult and owns his own choices. Have a conversation with him. But don't rearrange your life for him.

Delilah - posted on 05/17/2016

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Thanks for you great responses. I just want to be clear that the phone calls I get a few times a day are from my sister, his dad, his uncle.. All who think that I need to come get my son from NY or have him move to Texas with me in order to help guide and support him. That he needs me and that is why he is acting this way etc. I agree that I should be closer, but I am having a hard time figuring out where to draw the line with him.

Dove - posted on 05/17/2016

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Given his history there is no way I would allow him to move into my home w/out some serious changes and a legal rental agreement.

He's 18. Tell him to man up. Is HE the one calling you a few times/day? Or are other people calling to complain about him?

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