Sienna - posted on 06/23/2011 ( 38 moms have responded )
Please could anyone help and advise me ... here’s some background ....
I separated & divorced from my daughter’s father when she was only 9 months old. The marriage broke down because he was physically and mentally abusive towards me. Also he didn’t accept my daughter because she was a girl and he wanted a son
During the divorce I encouraged him to keep in contact with my daughter by sending photographs through the solicitors but unfortunately he was not interested. Soon after the divorce he remarried and has 3 sons.
I managed to obtain a maintenance order which is enforced by the courts. The order stipulates payments until my daughter reaches 18, then up until 23 if she remains in full time education. He now does not want to continue the maintenance and is creating problems.
He’s never made any contact with my daughter in 17 years and just recently he sent her a disturbing letter with negative comments about my family and I. She has not had sight of the letter as she was in the middle of her exams. I will be giving her the letter on the weekend.
I spoke to her soon after her 16th birthday about her father and she didn’t want any communication with him at the time. My daughter was very clear with the way she felt. During her upbringing, her father was never mentioned by my family, friend and I.
I am now feeling very upset due to the disturbing comments in the letter and fear that he may destroy our relationship. What if she believes some of the points he’s made in the letter? He’s lied that he has sent birthday and Christmas cards every year? He has said some terrible things about my family and I who have given her so much love.
If he had written a loving letter, regretting not being part of her life and wants an opportunity to get to know her. I would have no fears, and would think maybe he has changed. His abusive behaviour during the marriage could have been down to his immaturity!
I have devoted all my life in bringing my daughter up and always fulfilled a mother and fathers role in her life. She has always been at the top of my priority list. We have a loving relationship and absolutely adore one another. I am frightened how this disturbing letter will make her feel? What if she wants to see him? What if he harms her?
After reading the letter, it is very evident he is full of hate and bitterness towards me and has not moved on his life. He resents me because he is forced to pay maintenance. I fear my safety and more so my daughters. He’s capable of anything, now he has tracked us down.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I tell my daughter? How do I erase these sudden insecurities created by him? How do I tackle this?