My 18 yr old daughter is mad because I won't buy her new clothes. I think at 18 she should be buying her own clothes. Am I wrong?

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Jodi - posted on 08/05/2012

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It depends on whether she is still at school, living at home, etc. When I was younger, my parents bought the necessities for me until I left school. I bought the things I "wanted". I have the same expectations of my kids. My son is almost 15, and he wanted a certain type of football boot, but they were twice the price of what I would normally have paid. So yes, he paid the balance. I buy him his school uniform. I make sure he has basic shorts, pants, t-shirts, jumpers, etc, as well as a couple of pairs of shoes, but any more than that, and it's his responsibility.

IF, however, he was finished school, um, no, sorry, it's time to grow up and get a job.

Stifler's - posted on 08/05/2012

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It depends. When I was 18 I worked at a Chinese restaurant and was studying so mum got all my youth allowance and I gave her some money for fuel to drive me to work and TAFE. Actually that's a lie I got my first real job at the nursing home on my 18th birthday and made like $500 a week. So I bought everything for myself after that. Honestly it doesn't matter what age my children are I would still make sure they have everything they need and help them out if they need something. Obviously not expensive things or frivolous, impractical clothes.

Dove - posted on 08/05/2012

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Does she live at home? Is she in school? Have a job?

My response would vary a little based on needing additional information.

If she's a full time student... I'd still be supplying clothes she NEEDS. If it's just clothes she WANTS... she's on her own.

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Dawn - posted on 09/21/2012

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I RECENTLY RECEIVED A SMALL SETTLEMENT FOR HURTING MY NECK AT WORK, AND DECIDED TO HELP MY DAUGHTER OUT WITH SOME THINGS. WELL, I WOUND UP PAYING FOR HER PROM, THE LIMO, HER HAIR EXTENTIONS AND TO GET THEM PUT IT AND IN AN UP DO, TIPS AND WRAPS ON HER NAILS, HER DRESS, HER SHOES, HER JEWELERY, AND FOR TANNING VISITS A MONTH PRIOR TO PROM. THIS WAS MY GRADUATION GIFT TO HER. BUT ONCE SHE KNEW I HAD THIS SETTLEMENT, SHE STARTED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE. A BUNCH OF HER FRIENDS WERE GOING TO WILDWOOD FOR THREE NIGHTS. MY HUSBAND AND I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO, BUT WE DECIDED TO LET HER GO AND TRUST THAT SHE WILL BE CAREFUL AND SAFE. WELL, I PAID FOR HOTEL, HER FOOD, SPENDING MONEY FOR THE TRIP AND A NEW OUTFIT SHE WANTED FOR THE BEACH PARTY. SHE WORKS PART TIME AND IS IN COLLEGE PART TIME. SHE DOES NOT HELP AROUND THE HOUSE. IT'S LIKE PULLING TEETH TO GET HER TO DO DISHES (JUST TO PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER, NOT EVEN BY HAND) ....ALL HER FRIENDS HAD CARS AND I FELT BAD SO I WENT OUT AND FOUND HER A USED, BUT NICE RED SPORTS CAR. SHE WANTED CHEETAH PRINT SEAT COVERS. I TOLD HER OKAY, THIS IS IT. THE REST IS UP TO YOU BABY GIRL. MIND YOU, I AM PAYING FOR HER CELL PHONE AND GYM MEMBERSHIP (THAT SHE DOES NOT USE), AND FOR LIABILITY INSURANCE FOR THE CAR I BOUGHT HER. WELL, SHE HAD THE CAR FIVE MONTHS, AND THEN GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT. THANK GOD SHE WAS OKAY. I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK. I GOT SO SCARED WHEN SHE CALLED ME AND SAID MOM, I HAD AN ACCIDENT. WELL, TURNS OUT, SHE DIDN'T STOP AT THE STOP SIGN, HENSE TICKET NUMBER ONE, AND SHE HAD MORE THAN ONE PERSON IN THE CAR, HENSE TICKET NUMBER TWO. THE CAR IS TOTALLED AND I AM SO FINISHED. I CANNOT AND REFUSE TO DO ANYMORE.......

Debbie - posted on 08/06/2012

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Thanks everyone for the comments. She is 18 just graduated high school, going into college. She does nothing to help around the house and never has. She has had a job for about 2 yrs and has over 500 dollars in her savings acct. She is planning on moving out with her boyfriend in 2 months. I think if she is planning on moving out then she should know that she will have to be able to buy herself new clothes not depend on her parents.

[deleted account]

Well if she doesn't actually need new clothes then you are not wrong. If she's earning her own money then she can buy her own clothes.

Lisa - posted on 08/05/2012

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I think it depends on a lot of factors. First, I don't care if she is in school full time or not. I think the more important is issue is, Is she contributing to the family? I have children ranging from 18 down to four and a half (six total). In our family everyone is expected to contribute to the family, for most of the children that means chores, etc. If a child turns 18 and expects that they no longer have to contribute or be respectful or follow the rules then they are no longer entitled to the benefits above bare necessities that come with being a part of the family. As long as she has clothes that fit then she doesn't need more if she feels that she is too adult to have to be a part of the family but still wants you to support her. If she is still doing her chores, being respectful, following the rules, etc. then she should still be entitled to the benefits until she has graduated from high school.

Personally, I had my first job at 15 and gradually my money paid for more and more of my own expenses. Even when I was young my parents had a set amount of clothes that we needed and they would purchase. IF we wanted anything more expensive than that or more clothing then we had to purchase it ourselves. If it was a year when all of our old clothes fit then we got one new outfit for school.

I agree we need more information to be really helpful but it really depends on the situation. THe common belief in our society is that as long as our child is still in high school we should be supporting them. The reality of it is that once they are 18 they can move out whether they are in high school or not. I do not think that all children should be cut off because they turn 18 whether they are in school or not. Growing up is a process and it needs to be gradual. We need to help our children have greater responsabilities as they get older so by the time they are 18 or they graduate from high school they are ready to move on in the world and be responsabile.

Corinne - posted on 08/05/2012

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More info please! If she's still in full time school, then I'd say buy what she needs, if she wants something extra she can buy it herself. If she's working, it's up to her to buy her own stuff. Jeepers, when I was at dance college, I had to work weekends and school holidays to provide the training clothes and shoes I NEEDED for my course! I was 17 and living at home.

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