My 19 month old is having an awful time!

Kat - posted on 06/04/2012 ( 24 moms have responded )

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My son got bit by a dog. That was on April 22nd. He got a cold the same time. Everytime he would wake up i would go right to him. Also i ended up staying next to him in his crib till he fell asleep. I also think he is exhibiting axiety. My cousin is a child psychologist and confirmed his behavior. My husband and i have been fighting alot. I could go into serious detail but then this would tturn into a novel. What i really need is advice and support. He WAS nursing in the morning and at night time but since everything everything. NOW he FREAKS out and does not even want to calm down to lay in crib next to me. ALL he wants to do is nurse all day. He just started waking alot in the night and he was down to one or none a few weeks ago. Is this all my faulyt or is some of this have to do with his age. I hate when he cries for me. I also keep wondering if he will try to climb out of his crib. I jsut dont know what to do, but i know i can't sleep with him(then he wakes and wakes) or nurse him all the time ( my body is starting to feel annoyed). I am ok with nursing him before and after nap but then i worry i am setting myself back again. I have heard i need to remind myself its not going to be a straight road. Sometimets you go 2 steps forward 1 step back./ Just need you mamas out there to make me feel like i am NOT alone with this.. Thanks

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Kat - posted on 06/18/2012

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Hi Mommies- I need advice from other moms that weaned from the boob. I am trying to get rid of the nap nursing. do any of you recommend trying to give him a bottle of breastmilk, water, or nothing? Thanks for your experiences. I read something about olive oil and garlic. Or is this used when cutting cold turkey? Did any of you feel that in your experience that you had to go cold turkey because the slow process just wasen't working? Any info really helps! Thanks!

April - posted on 06/08/2012

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Kat, Karo is a brand of corn syrup. Never ever put corn syrup in his bottle or use any kind of sugars to entice him because it will predispose him to obesity and tooth decay.



However, at this age, there isn't "spoiling" a child when it comes to time and attention. I would encourage you to allow him to run the show for maybe another week, and then begin going back to the original schedule very, very slowly. As you are doing this, consider taking him on a couple of trips to pet stores to view puppies and maybe even play with them so he knows not all dogs are like the one that bit him. This will also have to go slowly, especially if he freaks out the first time he sees another dog so close up, but if you don't start re-introducing him to dogs, he could grow up with a phobia of dogs and never really understand why.



Dealing with anxiety and trauma can be challenging enough, so now is NOT the time to wean or introduce anything new into his schedule or his meals. Stick with helping heal your son on the inside AND out and the rest can come later. Don't let anyone else make judgments about your parenting skills during this time. You will know if something isn't right for him and only you truly can comfort your child, not even grandma and grandpa!



Good luck to you, Kat!

Kat - posted on 06/07/2012

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ZOE- You are SO sweet! Thanks for the encouraging words. How long did you LO nurse? Did you have to wean him or did he wean himself? Or does he still nurse?

ANDREA- you think after the dog bight your LO wanted to nurse more too? What was your experience with trying to wean, etc?

BECKY- Whats Karo for? He does like water. Taking to milk has not been going well. He does sleep in his own room. We moved him in when he was 13 months and it was ruff. I guess in a way i feel like iam working on that all over again since i was ALWAYS going in when he was sick/dog bite/teething all at the same time. Tonight he weeped 2 times and i waited and he stopped after 5 minutes. Last night he woke up a bunch because he had an awful poop(which never happens at night) and got an awful rash around his butt. I call that firebutt. I went in when he started calling, "mama, come please." I went in and he said, "butt hurt....boo boo...butt." It was so cute and sad.

I feel like i need to keep remembered that this toddler thing is a whole different ball game. I need to do what feels right for us btu send some ground rules. Like i wont nurse in public anymore unless it was needed(like at the hosiptal when we were in the ER for the dog bites) Sometimes i do worry that he will nurse until i say no more, and that haunts me in the back of my mind. I ideally wanted to nurse him until all of his teeth came in and i think we are still waiting on 4 teeth.

Becky - posted on 06/07/2012

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I see 2 things here... 1. Is he going to become the little Czar demanding everything because it is working...(I had one of those when he got very sick) 2. He had trauma and needs comfort for awhile.. Think you should go with the Safety Mom... give him comfort... let him nurse like before but at night have water bottle ready to slip to him... add a touch a Karo if he won't take it...gradually take away the Karo. If it doesn't work and he still has a fit to nurse - then you will have to get him out of the bed...and I think foe the good of everyones sanity do like on Nanny 911 put him to bed - close the door or be out of his sight... and bite your knuckles... it won't take more than 3 nights... but oh so worth it!

Andrea - posted on 06/07/2012

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Hi, I have been through a dog bite on my 9 month old, not a happy time.. It takes its toll on both parents.
1 - Stop breast feeding straight away! Cold-turkey is the only way. There are other ways to comfort your child.
2. Move him into a bid bed and set some ground rules for yourself - no jumping whenever he cries... get strict, but be calm.

Once are are free of that constant trying to comfort him and you get some sleep and some time for YOU then i'm sure things with your husband will improve x
You are not alone. We have all been there as Mums and sadly it's harder for men to understand...they are just not wired like us x
Hope this helps!

Kristi - posted on 06/06/2012

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You are not over reacting and you are definitely NOT alone. He is probably responding to a combination of things. He is exerting independence and control, attachment and acting out due the fighting. I would provide a lot of structure and that sometimes means saying no. He is old enough to start learning how to cope. If you want to continue to nurse, try setting times that work for you and sticking to those times only. I believe beginning to give some distance from your toddler will also help with your marriage:-). I have 6 kids and I run a child care center and have had ups and downs in my marriage due to putting my children's needs before my own and my relationship. We have a good balance now. I know my children feel loved and cared for and I am not as anxious about the little things. Every child goes through stages and that is what it is...a stage. There will be a new challenge right around the corner so know this will not last forever. Gently put him back in his bed each times he awakes (super nanny style) and set limits. Believe it or not...this is the start of "terrible two" or the "terrific toddler behavior" as Iike to call it. It will only get worse if he knows that he can control you. Hope that helps!!!

Zoe - posted on 06/06/2012

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Don't worry about the nursing - especially if the poor thing is anxious..... it will help him enormously. My son also nursed a lot, and when something was bothering him, it sometimes seemed like he was always attached to me! Keep it up!! And try not to worry too much - he will sense it and it will make things worse for all of you. Kids are resilient and can get through much worse and still come out of it ok as long as they have a great mom like you!

Kat - posted on 06/06/2012

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ELFRIEDA- thats cute, tickle...tickle...little star. How old did you say your LO is?

/thanks for sharing ladies! i truly appreciate it. It makes you feel better to go through similar stories.

Dove - posted on 06/05/2012

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I started offering cow's milk after a year on occasion. I would guess that he had it maybe 20 or so times until he turned 2. Since he drank SO much breast milk I only ever had 2% in the house. If he was drinking cow's milk more and breast milk less I probably would've done whole. He had cow's milk more often after 2, but still not on a daily basis (still doesn't drink it on a daily basis, actually).

I had no public nursing limits under 2. Anywhere I could sit semi-comfortably (never mastered the art of walking and nursing)... if he asked, he nursed. After he turned 2 I started limiting the public places we would nurse to friend/family member's houses, church, in the vehicle, and other places only if I could tell he was 'desperate'. By 2.5 it was only houses, vehicle, and 'dire desperation.' By 3 (since he only nursed a couple more months after turning 3), it was only a couple of 'desperate' times IN the vehicle.

Stifler's - posted on 06/05/2012

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I didn't breastfeed but I just let him have a cup of milk when he wanted it rather than trying to fight him to eat and then him losing weight.

Elfrieda - posted on 06/05/2012

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Yes, I agree about the trickiness. My son isn't that verbal yet. He will say, "Mommy, come!" and "I crying." and yes, it's harder to resist than just crying, I agree. But he also sings "Tickle, tickle, little star" to himself and that's so cute I end up biting my knuckles so I don't laugh and disturb him.

Kat - posted on 06/05/2012

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Stifler- did it takes months for your son to get his molars? Seems like they take a toll on the LO's sleep. Mine to ofcourse. Did you nurse to when he was cutting molars. If he did not want to eat?

Elfrieda- I like detail. Its JUST what i do to. I can type fast, but i can talk really fast, so i dont think i can type as much as i can say. Uuuu that was exhausting to the fingers! hehe

I think my LO is a careful kid to, but i hope i did not just ginx myself! What do you think ladies? So you leave the room right at bedtime? I use to but then when he got sick i guess i have just been off trrack for a month between the bite and nasty cold. Do you do checks and keep telling him its bedtime, and ignore him if he says things like, "Mommy rock, baby sad,please." Its KILLS ME! the crying is not as bad as the words coming from that sweet face. Yeah i dont ever take him out of the room. There was a time where i would leave, and he would cry for 5 minutes and then go to sleep, or i would go see him if he was still awake. But between the bite sick event he started talking up a storm so it just seems different to deal with. "mommy rock, baby sad, please." was one of the things he says. Its so heart aching.

He somehow sucked me in and was still awake after an hour.Wanting nails clipped, rock, teeth hurt, medicine,etc....I probably should read stories, nurse, tell him after the music stops mommies gonna leave the room. Let him scream for 15 and go back in. Ugh This mommy stuff sure is tricky!!!!

Elfrieda - posted on 06/05/2012

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It was very detailed, wasn't it? :P Sorry, I type too much.
I don't really have a set time that I wait. It's at least 10 minutes (at bedtime when he's hyper, I set the kitchen timer for 15 minutes because the time seems to go sooo slowly when he's crying I need the outside timer), but more if he's just sort of muttering to himself in a sad way or whining. He doesn't try to climb out, which I'm so glad about. He puts his toes over, but then he looks down at the floor and decides against it. He's a careful kid.

In the scenario you described, I would probably have done the same; ignored him for the first bout of crying and then gone to him when he called the second time. (and then probably have soothed him as well as possible without taking him out of his room) I still think it's training him, because you've given him the idea that night-time is not the time for being awake, but that you still care about him.

Keep in mind that my son usually sleeps through the night, so I'm just getting him back into the normal routine by doing all this. Probably it is harder to get him in the habit in the first place.

Stifler's - posted on 06/05/2012

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You're not supposed to give them anything other than whole milk or breastmilk for milk feeds until 2. I offer water with meals and milk before bed. If you're wanting to wean offer more whole milk and food but if you're not then just offer the breast. My son was insane when cutting those molars at 16 months and they took months to cut through and for him to sleep through again.

Kat - posted on 06/05/2012

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Dove- When you were out did he ask to nurse? A few days ago my son told this man i was talking to that was selling paintings, patting my boob, "mommy boobie, milk in mommies boobie." It was REALLY funny! However i dont know how often i will think it is funny. I guess i prefer that over trying to dive into my shirt.



Stifler mom- You probably right on the molars? He has been cutting 4 Foreeeeever! i jsut cant seem to figure out when he REALLY has tooth pain or when he is trying to milk me.



Speaking of milk, you are right about that too. Just give him the milk when he is sick! We were in the proccess of slowly weaning but i got all upset when he kept wanting it when he had this nasty cold, but i guess i need to realize he obviously needed me. He is NOT into milk. He will ony drink an once or so and he says he's full. Do any of you do 2% becasue whole is SO heavy? Do you offer milk at every meal? Mainly i offer water, but maybe i should offer milk? This way he gets what he needs from that instead of breastmilk?



Dove- Did you LO have just breastmilk until he weaned? Also my son has this i am SO devasted someone is murdering me cry too! It must be how they get us huh?!



Elfrieda- Thanks for your VERY detailed post! I RELALY appreciate it!!!!! I am gonna use your yawning technique. Your right yawning is VERY contagious!!!! That made me laugh. So overall you let him cry for 10 minutes and if he is STILL crying you go talk to him? Did you say he is still in the crib? He does not try to get out does he?



Last night i decided to ignore him when he woke up and started crying. He did for 30 minutes( i know i sound horrible!) then he feel back asleep. A few hours later he started crying again and after 10 minutes he started saying, mommmy please come, mommy." How could i not?!!? Its SOOOO hard when they talk!!!!

Dove - posted on 06/05/2012

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Yeah, in the middle of the night my son only ever had the hysterical, someone's gonna kill me scream... no matter what the problem was at the moment. lol

Stifler's - posted on 06/05/2012

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Fighting with them over feeding and routines when they are sick is pointless anyway you spend all your time doing that rather than just giving them milk to shut them up.

Elfrieda - posted on 06/05/2012

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Actually, molars is a good guess, too.



For the un-spoiling, it's kind of sad to do it, but I know it's for the best. Certainly I'd be frustrated if he kept it up, and he'd be bratty. He's 2, and when he's sick I run to him when he cries at night, or if he wakes up he can come downstairs and have a small snack until he's ready to go back to sleep. But obviously I don't want him to do that when he's healthy! So when I'm SURE he's feeling better, I just tell him, "Thomas, Mama is going to stay in bed all night tonight. I am sleepy, and I will sleep until the morning. If you wake up and it's still dark outside, that means it's nighttime. We sleep at nighttime. If you wake up at nighttime, you can play a little bit with your dog and your rabbit, and then lie down on your pillow and go back to sleep. Ah-ah, pillow." And when he wakes up because now it's a habit, he might whine or cry for 10 minutes, but I ignore him and he goes back to sleep. It might happen a few times in the night for a night or two. (he's still in a crib, so he's contained) If he just won't stop calling for me, I will go in and say, "Thomas, it's nighttime. It's time for sleeping, not for being awake. Mama is veeeeery sleepy. YAWN. Lie down on your pillow and I will sing you one song to help you sleep." Then I sing him a song, making sure to yawn a lot between lines (yawns are contagious, right? It's worth a try!) and then I go back to bed without taking him out. Usually this just makes him mad, but I'm one of those bad moms who can fall asleep when her kid is crying if I feel sure he's safe, so I just turn over and go to sleep. :)



And I give him special food when he's sick, too, because if he doesn't want to eat his supper, I think, "Oh, maybe it scratches his throat" and I jump up and make him something else that he likes better. But when he's well, he has to eat what we eat, so there are a few mealtimes where he doesn't eat very much before he gets the idea that "this is all there is so if I'm hungry I'd better eat it". I don't stress about it or focus on it, he's nice and chunky and he can handle skipping a meal or two if he's being stubborn. I just chat with my husband and try to keep the atmosphere positive instead of focusing on my son's still-full plate.



So those are the two big ones for my son. They happen every time he's sick for a couple of days. Personally, I agree with you, when your child is sick or injured, it's better to spend lots of time with him now and worry about routines later. It takes a little bit of effort, but for me it's worth it.



I think your idea of limits is good, staying with him until a certain song has played and then going. I think it's better to use something that he can understand, like "two stories and then bed", or "I'll stay with you until TwinkleTwinkleLittleStar is finished", rather than "I'll stay with you for 5 minutes."



As for whether it's a bad dream that woke him up, I wonder if you can hear whether he's crying in a scared way? For my son, he has a scared cry, which gets me moving, and he has a grumpy "things aren't going my way" cry, which I don't mind ignoring.

Dove - posted on 06/04/2012

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At 1.5ish I pretty much just stopped offering (except when I wanted him to sleep and he wasn't interested) and would attempt to refuse (by distraction) on occasion. Most of the time I would still nurse him though... he nursed a LOT. That's also when I started trying to night wean him by telling him at bedtime that he didn't need to nurse again until morning. Yeah, the little stinker used to stop nursing, look up at me, and laugh when I'd say that. lol ♥ But I still talked to him about it EVERY night. It just took about 6 months before he was actually ready to night wean (occasional fussing, but no crying).

I was over him nursing by the time he turned 3, but he wasn't ready. We only nursed at home at that point, so if we were out all day he'd only get the bedtime nursing. If we were home all day he might nurse up to 5 times (morning, before and after nap, bedtime, and one other random time). We quit cold turkey because he had to be away from me for a while. He still wasn't ready since when he came home he asked to nurse almost EVERY day for a long time, but... it was time.

I've been on my own since he was pretty little, so I had no weaning help.

Kat - posted on 06/04/2012

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Thanks for the responses ladies!!!!



Dove(pretty name!)- What kind of limits did you set on him when he was 1 1/2? Did you cut cold turkey when he was 3 because he had NO interest in weaning? Did he ask for it all the time? How as the cold tukey weaning? Did you husband help you?



Elfrieda(neat name!) - The nurse at the emer. room did say try to stay in your regular routine, but it was SO hard looking at his face, and i did not want him to sweat the butterflies off in the beginning. Ofcourse he had to get a cold the same time!!!! So maybe its almost like i have to start ALL OVER with the crib bed thing? I enjoy laying with him at night but sometimes it takes eons! Maybe i can give a set limit. Like i will stay with you until your music turns off? Its just SO hard now that he talks SO much to tell him no. I felt bad when he use to cry to sleep but its SO hard when he is crying, "mommy to come and lay down in bed and have nuk please." What did you experience wit your un-spoiling stage?



Most i feel AWFUL about his anxiety and dont know when its that or a bad dream or what.

Elfrieda - posted on 06/04/2012

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He might be reacting to all the stress in your marriage, plus having a sort of hangover from the loss of routine and extra spoiling after the dogbite and illness. My son reacts strongly to me even just being a bit frustrated with something. When we had big stress because of my husband's hatred for his job, it was miserable for my son, he cried all the time for no reason. And after every illness we have to "de-spoil" him, meaning get him out of the habit of waking up at night, getting special food, etc.

Dove - posted on 06/04/2012

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My kid was nursing all the time at that age. I didn't even start trying to set limits on him until a year and a half, he didn't night wean until 2, and up until the day we weaned (cold turkey at a bit after 3) he was nursing 1-5 times/day.

You aren't alone and there is no reason in the world why you HAVE to move forward with weaning right now unless you really want to. I really don't have any weaning or sleeping advice (still co-sleeping with my 4 year old though he DOES sleep through the night), but you are NOT alone. ♥

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