My 19 y.o. daughter spent the night with her "boyfriend"

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Rylee - posted on 01/06/2015

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This is coming from someone sort of young and "in her age range" If i was you I would let her know that she lives in your house and as long as she does you need to know if she will be sleeping out or coming home at the end of the night... She cant just come and go as she pleases.. Thats your home and you should be respected in it and updated on whats going on. However, If she has her own place then thats for her to share with you.. She may make mistakes but thats all apart of the learning process and growing up. If you know shes having sex (living or not living with you) get her some birth control so she doesn't have to end up pregnant and raising a baby at a young age. I was 20 when I had my first child im now 22 so hearing some kind of rules for your house and offering her protection and understanding might help out in the long run. A teen is going to do what they want... So, just dont be against her cause she will be more willing to tell you what and where she is actually going. I hoped this helped a bit.

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Tara - posted on 01/06/2015

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All, thank you so much for the thoughts on this subject. I wanted to give you an update. She told me she was going over last night and she said she wasn't planning to spend the night. I asked her why and she said she didn't like the patten that was forming. She's come a long way since she moved out over a year ago. I'm very proud of her, and I can only hope she continues making better choices.

Jodi - posted on 01/03/2015

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You can't stop her from making mistakes and making the choices she makes. It's great that you are there to support her if it doesn't work, but controlling her movement is not going to help her make those good choices. If anything, it is more likely to drive her away from you.

It isn't okay that she didn't, out of respect and courtesy as a person living in your home, let you know she wouldn't be home and I suggest you talk to her about that, but the fact that she was with a male or female friend is irrelevant in this regard, she still should let you know.

Michelle - posted on 01/03/2015

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The only way we learn is to make mistakes. You can't protect her from everything in life, she needs to learn herself.
Do you have any reason to distrust her boyfriend? Just because she made a bad choice before doesn't mean every boyfriend she has is the same.
As long as she knows that she can always come to you if things don't work out.

Tara - posted on 01/03/2015

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It's very complicated. She is living at home... now and she did tell me she wasn't going to come home until morning. She made some choices with a previous abusive boyfriend that ended with her feeling so trapped that she harmed herself. She called me after she did it and I took her to the ER. I gave her the freedom as an adult and she obviously didn't make the right choice. I don't want her to make the same mistake. I talk to her but I'm not sure if I talk too much sometimes.

Michelle - posted on 01/03/2015

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If she's living in your house and didn't tell you she wouldn't be home then let her know she needs to call. She's an adult and can make decisions for herself but it's just courteous for her to tell you if she won't be home.

Jodi - posted on 01/03/2015

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Well, if she didn't tell you she wasn't coming home for the night, I'd have a talk to her about letting you know when she won't be home at night so you won't worry.

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