My 19-year-old son is going to jail tomorrow for a year.... I'm dying.

Tonnie - posted on 12/16/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 19-year-old son is going to jail on the 17th for one year (for breaking a no-contact order -- his girlfriend kept coming over; we didn't realize that if she came to see him it was a fault of his.... the judge said he should've called the police instead of allowed her inside. She had dinner with us, watched movies, there were no fights, etc.) But when he got a car and realized he couldn't keep on like that, he began to see other girls... didn't seem to like them much, but one and he became good friends. His ex found out and showed the judge a journal entry of all the times they'd been together since the no-contact order.) It mattered not who came to see whom, it mattered not that Andrew didn't even have a car, thus never even drove to see her ONCE... not at work, at her home, nowhere.
He went to court yesterday and she didn't show up. The judge was going to dismiss it, but he took my ex-husband and my son back in chambers and phoned the girl. Her mother answered and said they knew nothing of the court date. The judge asked her (the mother) if she'd be interested in them postponing it so that she could attend, and the mother asked, "If it'll mean putting him in jail, then yes." The judge said, "If you show up, he will most assuredly have his probation (11 months, 29 days) revoked and be taken into custody for one year RIGHT then. She was elated, and promised to be there. I could hear his ex in the background, equally joyful.
I really don't think I can get through this. He's so tiny.... 97 pounds, 5'4" tall, so.... meek, shy. I've got congenital heart disease and was given until "the end of March, give or take a few weeks." When my ex-husband told the judge that Andrew is my sole and only caretaker, the judge looked right at him and said, "Looks like you'd better find her a new caretaker, then, because he's going to jail. I'm not having this on my hands." (She'd had him arrested, saying he hit her. But when the police arrived, his face (as his mugshot clearly shows) was a bloody mess. She, on the other hand, was sent to a psychiatric hospital for threatening suicide because, "He didn't touch me, he just broke my phone and I was mad." She told the judge this at the hearing three months ago, and the judge held up his hand and said, "I've heard too many stories of girls taking back their initial complaints, and then they turn up dead. I don't believe you. Case dismissed."
I knew he hadn't touched her; when he was born, his older sisters were six, six (twins) and five -- three older sisters who made his life a living hell (for the lulz) and of course they argued -- but he never even came close to showing any violence -- towards them or anyone, male or female. He's so small, so gentle, so good.
After the 17th of this month, I will never never in my life be allowed to touch his sweet face, to feel his arms around me, to stroke his hair, to cuddle with him during a movie.
I cannot quit screaming. Not crying or sobbing or grieving.... screaming. Not words, just these.... these feral, animalistic sounds.... I'll never touch my baby boy again. I don't think I can survive this... I know I can't. I don't want to hurt myself because he'd know it was because of him, and my brother took his life and although it wasn't my fault, of course there was guilt. Andrew would KNOW why. I can't live with this and I can't die because it.
My God, someone please help me.

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Sarah - posted on 12/16/2015

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Too many true victims of domestic violence recant their story or refuse to testify out of fear, so the judge really has no choice but to let the state prosecute. Was he on probation for the initial assault? If the conditions of his probation were no contact then he violated the terms. I am so sorry, it is very sad.
Her is the question, has he actually been sentenced or does he still have to go to court for the violation hearing? If he still has a hearing, you don't know for sure what may happen. Maybe it will be a different judge, maybe he would consider house arrest and maybe he will shorten the sentence. Also, if his probation was 11 months and 29 days, how much of that has past? If he does go jail it will probably only be for the balance of his probation sentence
I also don't understand when did she go to the judge about their visits? It's not like you just walk in to court and show a judge your journal. Did she call his probation officer or how did this whole thing come about?

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