My 20 year old daughter

Leann - posted on 06/20/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

6

0

2

For the last 20 1/2 years I have been a hands on mom...almost to a fault. For about 16bof those years I was on and off again with her father and had dated a few people casually during that time. During all of rose relationships, including the one with her father I put her first. 2 1/2 years ago she started to date a boy and they are still dating. He now lives states away. During their relationship while he lived near us (he moved to.our area for an athletic opportunity while his family lived far away and he was still in high school) I welcomed him, treated him like a family member. I accepted him and them as a couple. I spent a lot of time with them, even vacationing I his home town last summer. I met someone 2 months ago. We clicked instantly which is not common for me. We get along great and I look forward to my time with him. My daughter has decided she hates him ad won't give him the time of day. She tells me how terrible I am to be spending time with him that should be spent with her. She tells me she is done with me. Then she comes back around. Yet it does not take long til I frustrate her again and she is telling me how terrible he is or how terrible I am. He has done nothing wrong. She says he controls me...he does not. She says he is ugly...he is not. It baffles me her behavior although I realize now it is probably my fault because I have never done for me but always for her. I am relocating back to our hometown after a year away foe a job. She lived with me but is currently living withy parents. I have secured a new apartment but I have decided she should not libe with me. Today she got mad because I changedy facebook prifle picture to me and my boyfriend. She thought that was terruble and that it should be her and I. I put her pic as the background pic bUT she said it was unacceptable and I shold remove her all together. Then she said she won't have any more to do with me. She has not spoken to her dad in 4 years by choice although he blames me....it's a long story. With that said...is it now fair for me to date a man that treats me well or is that as unacceptable as she says it is? Help!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2016

3,917

8

3246

I think it's time for your daughter to be out on her own.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and these children don't come with instruction manuals either. We do what we think is best but sometimes it comes back to bite us in the butt.
I think she needs some tough love and her Grandparents sticking up for her isn't helping at all. They shouldn't be letting her live with them just because she doesn't want you to actually have a life. It's not teaching her anything about life.
She needs to learn that she will have to put up with things that she doesn't entirely like, we all have to.

5 Comments

View replies by

Leann - posted on 06/22/2016

6

0

2

Ann, thank you for your reply. Her boyfriend is now states away or I may have had a better outcome with my relationship. He plays semi pro sports and is currently in his home state and then back to his current location in Canada in the fall. My daughter will now be living withy parents because I told her my boyfriend will be visiting me at my new place and she would not have it so I told her she cannot move in and she said she didn't want to either. I coddled her too long and now this is the price. I based my choices of what I did and when on her. Lesson learned too late. I appreciate the feedback. I have lost 15 lbs in 2 months from the stress and she hasy parents questioning my parenting. My dad went as far as calling me the b word because of her behavior toward me. My boss was cotreat months

Ann - posted on 06/22/2016

16

0

0

It really sounds like she is jealous of your relationship with the guy you are dating. Like you said in your post, you always put her first. Now you are not and it's hard for her to deal with that. Especially since it's nothing that he has done to her or you, yet she feels you are both "terrible" people. I am a little surprise since she is dating someone and I would think she would want to be focused on him. I know sometimes people will try to manipulate others into doing what they want them to do. When she said she would not have anything to do with you, sounds like she is trying to control you. I would think she should be happy for you. I was reading an article that is very similar to what you are going through. Although the roles are reversed in the article it is still fitting. I do hope things work out for you and your daughter. I have a 21-year-old so I can imagine how frustrating it is to be moving on with your life and her not understanding.


http://bit.ly/28QD5nK

Michelle - posted on 06/21/2016

3,917

8

3246

She's an adult but having tantrums like a toddler because she has always had you around.
You need to let her know that she needs to act like an adult and let you have the life you want. You will always be her Mother but you have done your job in raising her into adulthood. Now it's time for YOU to enjoy your life.
She may not talk to you for a while but hopefully she will come around and realize that she's just being a selfish little so and so.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms