My 20 year old son and my boyfriend do not get along :( HELP

Filomena - posted on 04/03/2014 ( 15 moms have responded )

10

0

1

When I met my boyfriend, I told him that my kids both have ADHD. The oldest has ADHD And Asperger syndrome. He told me not to worry because it wouldn't bother him. Now after almost a year of being in the relationship he has a big issue with my son. I have to admit my son does act like a 2 year old, but there are times that he does what he has to do. Now my boyfriend tells me he hates kids, and I told him that if he felt that way he shouldn't have began a relationship with me. But there are times that he gets along with him. My 14 year old can do no wrong in his eyes. My boyfriend keeps telling me that my 20 year old is a lazy, manipulative, immature **** and he needs to get his ass thrown out......I tried explaining to my boyfriend that he acts like this because he has been through a lot. I have tried to talk to my son to. He is very intelligent, He is into computers and game making and I told him that he could get a job in that field but he would rather stay at home and not work. How can I get them two to get along so that I don't have to be a referee all the time. There is so much to the story but for now, I'm giving you a short one. Thank you signed Desperate mom

15 Comments

View replies by

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/07/2014

13,264

21

2015

He's 20 years old. He doesn't have a disability to prevent him from growing up and supporting his own ass.

Kick him out.

Filomena - posted on 04/05/2014

10

0

1

Hi Sara, I did go to a Psychologist when I lived in New York, that who diagnosed him with having AS. He refuses to work because He feels that he doesn't have to. I have set rules, structure and chores for him and he doesn't want to do anything. I had him in a support group but he didn't want to go. He wants to hang out with his (younger friends) and sleep all day. I tried talking to him, threating him, and even taking things away, but nothing works. Finally, I told him last night that he has to do what is best for him and I could help him with it.

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2014

93

0

14

I suggest you see a psychologist who specialises in dealing with adults with Aspergers. There are many anxieties surrounding being able to cope with social nuances, changes and cause and effect when dealing with others that a person with Aspergers may find difficult to cope with and challenging.
Perhaps you could discuss specific issues with the psychologist first, then together with your son and then with the three of you.
Are you in contact with a support group for families with Aspergers who may have similar issues?
Asynchronistic development and difficulties dealing with emotion are not unusual in AS. Perhaps if your partner understands this and realises that other families are dealing with similar issues, and that this is part of having a child with AS it my help.

Caroline - posted on 04/05/2014

3

0

0

My son is 19has tried an tried to get job had couple but ive taken it into my own hands an got him application form college good opportunities hes falln out girlfreind blah blah the usual you need to treat youre son as though he hasent got a medical condifion otherwise he may play on this somewhat x

Filomena - posted on 04/03/2014

10

0

1

My boyfriend was working when we lived in New York, my son hasn't wanted to work since he was of age. I'm not sticking up for him but my boyfriend has worked all his life. Now he is going for interviews. We just recently relocated to Arizona. So we are both not working. My boyfriend was trying to be understanding, but my son wants and wants. My son was working in a restaurant when we lived in New York and he was able to save 1200 and I haven't seen a cent of it. He has been buying things for himself. but when I tell him I want 25.00 he tells me he wants to save it. meanwhile He spent 400.00 on computer stuff at radio shack that a friend's mother took him to. WTH.....If he could spend 400.00 In radio shack he could give me 25.00. And also my boyfriend has been there for him more than his own father. He doesn't get mad at the kids just because, if they are doing something wrong he will disciple them. But my son sleeps til 12 wakes up and then expects me to make him breakfast, take him to the stores and expects me to buy him things. But he doesn't want to get a job to support him self or help me with bills or even clean his room. My boyfriend is paying for the bills and rent......He has been doing that since I met him. He's even buying my kids clothes. So my boyfriend isn't the bad one here. So far everyone I met and talk to, told me that He should be working and taking care of himself.

This morning my little guy was in his room playing a video game and my oldest went in his room and ripped the game out because according to my oldest which was stills sleeping woke him up. He goes to bed at 4 am and doesn't get up until 12-1pm and then goes outside all day.....So I could understand why my boyfriend gets mad at him. He doesn't want to do anything to help himself. He wants every one to do things for him. Hope you don't take it as me yelling I'm just trying to make a point Thanks

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/03/2014

21,273

9

3058

You cannot MAKE anyone get along. If your son is not capable of supporting himself, I would not throw HIM out I would throw the boyfriend out. Maybe your son feels like he can't because of the example your boyfriend is setting and how your boyfriend treats him.

Filomena - posted on 04/03/2014

10

0

1

He is looking for a job as well as I. We have been filling out Job applications and going on all different kind of website. He has gotten a call from Sears and he has an interview to go to. I need advice on how to make my son and boyfriend get along. My son does have a tendency to play the part of being DISABLED when he feels that he isn't getting anywhere. But he is so smart intelligent and wants so much. But he doesn't have the motivation to do it.
He is looking into schools that offer Game making options because he likes to design games.

Filomena - posted on 04/03/2014

10

0

1

I will definitely look into that. Thank you. Also, would you throw your son out into the street if he was not doing what he is suppose to?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2014

13,264

21

2015

If you're in AZ, you can get around on public transportation, they've got a plethora of options there.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/03/2014

21,273

9

3058

He sounds like a total loser. You need to make a huge effort to find ANY job and kick his ass out. If it is your car, no problem. If it is his, you need to get a piece of shit to get around.

Filomena - posted on 04/03/2014

10

0

1

I can't agree with you more. we just recently moved to Arizona and we only have one car. Even if he got a job it's going to hard to drive him back and forth to work. And as of right now, neither one of us are working. we are looking for jobs and when one of us gets a job, its going to be hard to get to and back to work.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2014

13,264

21

2015

And, I agree with Little miss...the boyfriend is not a stellar character...

Filomena - posted on 04/03/2014

10

0

1

I hear what your saying, the sad thing is that He has kids of his own. 21, 30 and 32....Which makes me wonder......

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/03/2014

21,273

9

3058

You need to leave this man. He hates kids, which means he hates yours. Why would you want to have your kids be exposed to such a jerk? He is not worth it. NO ONE comes before your kids. NO MAN!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2014

13,264

21

2015

There is no reason whatsoever that your 20 yo, Aspberger's syndrome and all, cannot get a job, and get on his own. My 19 yo Asberger's adult has no problem.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms