My 20 years old son is lost

Mike - posted on 12/24/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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For the past three years we have given our son many chances hoping he grow old but he keeps disappointing us with his college performance
He was kicked out of high school because of weed browny consumption
After 5 semesters in college he does not know what to study
He spend his timing sleeping and going out with his freinds
He came home several time drunk or smoking weeds
He avoids staying with us and stay in his room
He work couple of weeks at a time and then quits and refuse to work after
I decided not to talk to him and it is been. Month since i talked to him
And I do not know how to proceed

4 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 12/25/2014

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You have allowed him to treat you like he is. Why should he get a job, you pay for everything.
What you should do is stop paying for everything right now! Don't give him 2 months to still bludge off you. Let him know that as of now you won't be paying for phone, car, etc. He is also to pay board/rent if he wants to stay under your roof. He needs to contribute to food and utilities as well.
If he doesn't like that then he's more than welcome to move out and see how much it will cost him then.
You need to be tough with him or he will just continue to treat you like his personal bank.

Mike - posted on 12/25/2014

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Michelle
Yes he lives at home and I stopped giving him money and I gave him till feb 15 to find a job and if by then he does not get and job and does not work toward finding out what to study then I am shutting his iphone and selling his car and will ask him to leave the house
He tells a friend of us that they will not kick me out
Should I do that

Ev - posted on 12/25/2014

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I have to agree with Michelle on this one. You can not just not talk to your son about what is going on because it is basically avoiding the problems going on. You need to come up with a contract and go over it with him spelling out the rules of his continued living there including his portion towards rent, utilities and food. If he can not preform to this contract then he can find another place to live. In this case as you avoid the problem by not bringing it to his attention you are also enabling him because you allow him to live in the home.

Michelle - posted on 12/25/2014

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So is he living at home or not?
By the sounds of what you've written he's at home. If that's the case then you need to stop providing a roof over his head for free. Charge him rent or he can move out and fend for himself.

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