Betsy - posted on 05/22/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )
I'm at wit's end. My together daughter, a junior in college with a good head on her shoulders, good friends, part-time job, has a new boyfriend who's about to ruin everything! He's 24, with a fractured, faraway family, no college, no money, loser friends, no car, no home -- and he lost his job 3 weeks ago. He is a sweet guy (to me at least), however, who seems to have some potential and does work hard and professes big goals. She's totally in love and feels it's her role to build him back up and get him on his feet again. She asked if he could stay with us temporarily and I very hesitantly agreed with many stipulations. He has been following my rules - they don't sleep together, and he's done big projects for me around the house. But I feel as though our family has been totally engulfed in this man that we've only known 3 months! If I make him move out, I don't know where he'll go beyond going back to Oklahoma, where he's from, and I definitely don't want to lose her to Oklahoma! So much love, time, work has gone into this child and it feels like at the critical point, it's all for naught. She either has self-esteem issues and doesn't feel worthy of a man who has it all together, or she has a mothering complex where she feels she has to fix him. Either not good and I've obviously failed somewhere. So do I give him a time limit to find a job and then just not care where he ends up if he doesn't find one? I'm a single mom with also a 17-year-old about to go to college and I really don't have the financial means to suddenly "raise" a lost 24-year-old man. I really feel completely thrown by this.