My 21 year old son :-(

Tamara - posted on 08/29/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My 21 yr old son cannot live with me cuz he is verbally abusive, breaks any rules I set, won't get a job, and won't stop doing pot (which he denies doing). Every time things don't go his way, he threatens suicide. He is now homeless, threatening suicide because he is out in the cold elements and can't sleep at night, he is hungry, dirty, and therefore says he cannot get a job. He says he has nowhere to go, no way to get out of his circumstances, and threatens to end it all, when he texts me. My heart is broken for him, but I cannot let him come back here. He won't get mental help, either, if he even needs it. I feel desperate for him because I put myself in his shoes and think of how horrible it would be to be homeless with no way out and the shelters are full. I just don't know what to do. Everyday I wonder if I will get a call that they have found his body and it was a suicide. I don't know what to do, yet I feel I must do something because if he does take his life, it will kill me, inside. Any comments would be so helpful! Thank you!

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Michelle - posted on 08/30/2013

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Some people can't accept that they have made the choices in their life to have ended up where they are.
My Aunt (who is almost 60!!) still blames everyone else for the way her life has turned out instead of her choice of having a baby at 18, marrying a criminal and having numerous relationships with drug dealers. It wasn't her fault, it was her siblings for making their own lives for themselves.
it sounds like your son could be heading the same way. I have learned that you can't tell them otherwise. You just have to walk away because no matter what you say they won't believe you.

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2013

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Unfortunately, if he's not willing to get help for himself then there's not a lot you can do.
He needs to realize that he has to get professional help and until he does he won't get better.
I know this may sound callous but usually those that threaten suicide don't generally go through with it, it's a way of getting people to do what they want.

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Tamara - posted on 09/01/2013

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Thank you, Amanda, for your compassion and warmth. Yes, it does hurt terribly. I am going to check out Alanon for myself so I do not feel so alone. Please pray for my son. Thank you!

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2013

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I'm so sorry. That must be just heartbreaking. Are you in the US? I think you should look at therapy or alanon for yourself. You can't force him into treatment, but you can seek treatment that would help you learn techniques to real with him and the pain he's causing you. I'm so sorry :(

Tamara - posted on 08/30/2013

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Yes, I agree, Michelle. I don't want to be his scapegoat. It's so sad when it's your own child, but you can only do the best you can do, and pray...I still have not lost hope for him. It's just so painful to watch your child make such destructive decisions with his precious life!!

Tamara - posted on 08/29/2013

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Yes, I have talked to him about getting help a lot. Right now, he says he just needs a place to sleep, and shelter. But, when he was staying with me, he would not go for help. He blamed it all on me, and made me feel like I was totally insane at times.

Tamara - posted on 08/29/2013

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Thank you, Michelle. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my dilemma. I know that what you say is true, but it helps me to hear it from someone else. It seems that in the past, the more I helped him, the more ungrateful he would be, the more he'd expect, and the more he'd disrespect me. It just hurts for me to see him, now, in such a seemingly unrepairable, desperate situation. Thank you!

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