My 21 year old son getting married next saturday....

Jamie - posted on 02/10/2012 ( 22 moms have responded )

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My 21 year old son is going to be married next Saturday and everyone is in full blown wedding mode and it’s just been crazy. My son is also deaf so there going to have an interpreter or rather a signer even though he can read lips. Well anyways he is going to be marrying his high school sweetheart who is black I bring up her race because of the fact that they both have been getting a lot of flak from some friends and even some family. My parents have refused to come to the wedding because he is marrying her and its really hurt my son that his grandparents are being this shallow. Well surprisingly enough her family has been totally for this and been extremely supportive. Well my parents are threatening that if my husband and I go then they will basically disown us and won’t even talk to our other kids. I can’t believe this! I feel so angry and hurt and I don’t know what to do!

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Stifler's - posted on 02/11/2012

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I would let them disown me. I wouldn't want to be part of a family who are so small minded. I wouldn't want my kids around that kind of influence either. It's not okay to be racist. This is your sons day and you should be there and supportive.

[deleted account]

I'm terribly sorry that your parents are such jackasses and your son is very very lucky that you've raised him to not be one. There is NOTHING you can do to change their minds and you should NEVER feel you have to apologize to them. Racist, bigoted jerks only end up alone and it's their own fault. Just love your son, love your soon to be daughter in law and her famiy. HOnestly, people who are lke that are ok to lose. There is nothing in my never humble opinion that can make up for this behavior apart from a lobotomy.



I never knew my father coudl be that way until my neice whom we hadn't seen since she was an infant came back into our lives. (My brother is a idiot who fathered children everywhere.). She's a lovely lovely young lady with a good head on her shoulders and has 2 beautiful children. One is of mixed race. My father refused to invite them or let them attend a big family St Patty's Day party because of 'what his friends might say.' BS. HE was embarrassed that she was mixed. She is MY FAMILY and it doesn't matter if she was purple, she's family.



That's what matters.

Jamie - posted on 02/12/2012

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I told my parents to shove there ultamatium up there ass and that we honestly don't need them in our lives if there so raciest.

Krista - posted on 02/11/2012

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I'm with Emma. If they're that small-minded that they would put their prejudices ahead of their own family, then I would let them disown me. Hopefully you'll have beautiful grandbabies someday, and do you want them around great-grandparents who are hateful towards them? No.



They're throwing a tantrum just like toddlers, thinking that they'll get their way. I would just say, "I'm sorry that your hatred is more important to you than your own family. We'll miss you," and then walk away and focus on supporting your son, who sounds like a lovely young man. I hope he has a beautiful wedding and a long, happy marriage!



p.s. You might also want to reach out to his fiancee, who is no doubt very hurt by all of this. Make sure that she knows that she is 100% embraced by you and your husband -- it'll help heal some of the hurt if she knows that you're completely supportive and happy about the marriage.

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Tam - posted on 02/18/2012

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Good on everyone involved. Stood by your principles, and that's what matters.



'Friends' that act like your son's 'friends' will either come around, or just move on, and they don't need that negativity anyway. Life is full of possibilities, and race should never be a barrier to that happiness.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/18/2012

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That is awesome Jamie! Congratulations to the new bride and groom!

Jamie - posted on 02/18/2012

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Wedding was so beautiful and perfect and just simply amazing my son and my new daughter are perfect when i get some wedding pictures i will share :).

Jamie - posted on 02/17/2012

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15 hours till the wedding pray for us and that things go smoothly and without drama!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/12/2012

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Congratulations! They will come around. And if they don't, one day they will regret it.

Jamie - posted on 02/12/2012

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Little to know they already have a great grand baby on the way she is three months pregnant.

Krista - posted on 02/12/2012

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I told my parents to shove there ultamatium up there ass and that we honestly don't need them in our lives if there so raciest.



Good for you!!!!



/*applauds*

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/12/2012

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Just a suggestion, you could either give your new daughter a family heirloom to show her how excited you are to have her in your family, or give her a present representing that same thing. This would mean a lot to her, and make her feel all the more welcome.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/12/2012

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What a shame for your parents to try to control the situation with threats. It is YOUR son getting married. Of course you are going to bve there for him. Also, his "friends" will get over it. If they really were friends, we all know they would not be doing this, but alas, time will pass and they will get over it.



Have a wonderful time at your sons wedding, these ladies pretty much covered everything else i would have to say.

Lydia - posted on 02/12/2012

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You got to do what's right and that is stand up against this racism of your parents and those "friends".

If your parents follow through with not talking to your other kids, than I suggest you'd sit down with your family and explain them why the grandparents suddenly not talking to them. Of course it's not a nice situation, but honestly if I had to chose between ruining my son's wedding because of some racist grandparents to keep some strange manipulated "family peace" or standing for my son and the right thing, than I'd go for the latter.

Jamie - posted on 02/11/2012

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Thanks just she started crying today at lunch and said his friends have been jackasses too and that he has been protecting her but she still feels like maybe this is a mistake but that she loves him and won't let pepole run them apart and drive a wedge inbetween them.

Jamie - posted on 02/11/2012

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I already called and took her out to lunch and explained everything and that she is most embraced and loved and to ignore my parents.

Jamie - posted on 02/11/2012

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Thanks everyone my husband and i still fully intend on going just really took me aback when they said all of this!

Tina - posted on 02/11/2012

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That's rediculous but it's their problem. You can't change their attitude but you can be there and support your son. Don't let them ruin his day. It's their loss not yours. Just remind him you can't worry about what others do. The only people that matter are the ones that are around you, support you and love you no matter what you do. You can't worry about other people or you'll never be happy.

Trish - posted on 02/11/2012

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Hi Jamie. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this frustration at a time when everyone should be happy. Here's the deal: YOU and your husband need to figure out what is more important to you: your parents and their threats of disowning you, or are your son and his fiances' happiness more important? I am supposing that you are leaning toward the latter....your son's happiness. Well, good for you! When people are afraid (and that's what racism usually boils down to) they do and say things that are hurtful to the ones they love. Sad, but a fact! And, when we hurt because of what they do, we can only do one thing....love ourselves enough to let them know that while you can empathize with THEIR problem, you will NOT allow their threats to ruin your family's happiness. You hope they will come to realize that their love for your son is more important than their fears and/or prejudices, but if it is not, then you'll miss them at the ceremony and any recources they CHOOSE to take will be upon their own consciouses and not yours! Just say that to them.....watch how they react. Then walk away darlin' because you took the higher road!

Trish - posted on 02/11/2012

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Hi Jamie. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this frustration at a time when everyone should be happy. Here's the deal: YOU and your husband need to figure out what is more important to you: your parents and their threats of disowning you, or are your son and his fiances' happiness more important? I am supposing that you are leaning toward the latter....your son's happiness. Well, good for you! When people are afraid (and that's what racism usually boils down to) they do and say things that are hurtful to the ones they love. Sad, but a fact! And, when we hurt because of what they do, we can only do one thing....love ourselves enough to let them know that while you can empathize with THEIR problem, you will NOT allow their threats to ruin your family's happiness. You hope they will come to realize that their love for your son is more important than their fears and/or prejudices, but if it is not, then you'll miss them at the ceremony and any recources they CHOOSE to take will be upon their own consciouses and not yours! Just say that to them.....watch how they react. Then walk away darlin' because you took the higher road!

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