My 21 year old son is addicted to pot and video games!

Connie - posted on 02/08/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son stays up all night playing video games and smoking pot. He barely makes it out of bed in time to make it to work by 1:00pm. He gets off work at 9:00 pm and repeats the pattern...goes out all night partying & gaming. He does not clean up after himself leaving dishes, glasses, fast food bags all over his room, laundry piled up. He refuses to help with any other household chores and responsibilities. I have given him a list of rules and expectations. I kicked him out for a week about a year ago. When he came back things were better for a short while before he fell back into his old ways. Friends advise me to kick him out again but I'm struggling with that because he tells me he wants to save $$ for a specialized computer programming school in Denver Co. If I kick him out I'm afraid he won't end up going and spiral downward even more.
Any suggestions or advice?
Cms

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Michelle - posted on 02/08/2016

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I agree with the other ladies, he needs to get out and learn what it's like in the real world. Don't let him move back either!
Dove's suggestion of helping with the deposit is great, don't just pay for everything yourself, that doesn't teach him anything. He's an adult and needs to act like one.

Dove - posted on 02/08/2016

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I wouldn't flat out pay for a place. Go ahead and tell him he has a month to find a place (you can help him look if he asks) and save whatever he can towards the deposit... and you will match it dollar for dollar (to the max of the deposit and first month's rent)... at the end of the month he's out even if he hasn't saved enough.

The hardest part (but most important) is sticking to it when the month is over.

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Connie - posted on 02/08/2016

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Thanks Dove, I have written him letters, outlined rules, given him ultamadums. I've told him no drugs in the house, to clean up after himself and other simply basic rules. I realize he is not going to respect my wishes and abide by our rules. I also don't think he will make it to Denver if he can't disciple himself enough to get out of bed at a decent time and take care of his responsibilities. He hasent saved much $$ because he spends it all on pot, fast food and gadgets. I'm just having a hard time throwing him out on the street. I've thought about looking for an apartment, putting a deposit down,paying the first month rent and then telling him to get out.

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2016

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I agree 100% with Dove. He can man up and take part in the household chores or get out. He can always take out a loan for computer school.

Dove - posted on 02/08/2016

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Tell him to man up or get out. If he wants to stay at home and save money... then he'd better start cleaning up after himself... otherwise he can sink or swim out there on his own.

It is a good thing that he wants to save money and better his life, but it is completely unacceptable that he is not cleaning up after himself.

Give him 3 choices... start cleaning up (and following whatever rules you deem acceptable to live under your roof), pay you to clean up for him (at a minimum of $20/hour... since I know housekeepers that charge $30/hour), or get out. Then stick w/ it. He's an adult... it's high time he act like it and it is NOT your fault if expecting him to behave causes him to spiral... that is on him.

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