My 22year old son committed suicide in our home , just after hugging u

Kristen - posted on 11/02/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My one and only son (the baby) alrhough he was 22 had come home with a friend, gave us all hugs like he does. About 10 minutes later i heard a gun shot,,!! I remember my daughter screaming, I ran to the basement and found my son had put a 357 to his head and pulled the TRIGGER,!! HE was in a puddle of his brains and blood, i put my hand in it to get close enough to see if he was breathing and taking as mu h blood out of his mouth so he could breathe. As longz as i live that will haunt me, i dont know how to stop the intrusive thoughts! A mother should never lose a child! I have two beautiful daughters and im going into. Stress units. because im not sure if i want to go on! Kevin was a strong , amazing man,,his heart kept going arter all tjat bloos loss, and ne was still breathing! Kevin was brain dead, after the family said their goodbyes , kevins heart stropped exactly three minutes
Ater 130am October 6th 2014 still feels like yesterday! Please send some hope, always Kristen

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Raye - posted on 11/03/2015

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Kristen, you can't even for a second blame yourself. Whether you were distracted (with good cause, I mean brain surgery!) or not, it's not up to you to know what was going on if he didn't let anyone know. He was an adult. He should have sought help. And now, you should seek help from a counselor so you can deal with your pain and grief. It's a horrible, horrible thing to have to live through. But you can go on, and you're not disrespecting him or what he meant to you by getting past this. It's ok to heal.

Michelle - posted on 11/02/2015

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You need to get yourself some help. Grief counseling or something.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Kristen - posted on 11/03/2015

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Thank you Raye! Its unreal the pain i feel, and the intrusive thoughts that enter my mind. I have been seeking help
This past month. But it feels like yesterday! The only thing that somtimes gets me through and this may sound selfish; my baby is not hurting anymore! Thank u so much for taking your time to write to me! Thats a blessing today, kristen

Kristen - posted on 11/03/2015

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I was in California for the year prior to his death. Only home four months! But looking back, he
Always was smiling. In hindsight i believe that there was something not quite right. I just thought it was stress. Thats where the quilt plays6. I had an appointment for a brain surgery that same month., so i was very distracted!

Danielle - posted on 11/02/2015

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Kristen, I am so sorry that you had to go through such a horrific ordeal and as a parent, to lose your child in this way after giving your heart and soul to him raising him is nothing anyone should have to face. Did you know whether he battled depression at any point in his life?

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