My 24 yr old daughter Hilary is unwed, pregnant, living and working in China and living with a 33 yr old guy

Eda - posted on 04/07/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Need help and suggestions on how to stay calm and help her without letting my emotions get too carried away. Hilary was leading a good Christian life and advancing her teaching career but now a baby will send her on a different journey of Motherhood and I'm concerned and scared for her because the father has issues. Barely two months ago she was concerned because he has sexual perversions and control issues. My daughter was looking to end this relationship and now she is making plans to marry him and have the baby in China. I need support and an outlet. Help? From Ann

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Dove - posted on 04/07/2015

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Let her know that your door is ALWAYS open for her and your grandchild... and pray... a lot. Other than listening to her, supporting her, and giving advice IF she asks for it... I'm not sure what else you CAN do.

Ev - posted on 04/07/2015

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Dear Ann--

I am not sure what you are looking for in this. Your daughter made her choices to go to China, she is teaching, she is in a relationship, and she has a child on the way. It is really up to her to make the choices to get out of that relationship if she feels that their are issues that are a great concern. All you can do at this point is be there for her and listen to her when she calls or emails or writes letters. Always let her know you love her no matter what and she has a place to come to if she needs it. But there is not much you can say that will make her change her mind on things. She has to see that for herself. Our children go on all sorts of paths in life and some are harder than others. Other paths lead us to success, some paths lead to a low place and failure. We all have followed a path to one or the other and both. She will learn in time what choices are better and what are not. I just wish I could give you the one thing you want to hear about her.

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Ev - posted on 04/07/2015

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You are welcome. Its hard no matter what has happened through our children's growing up years. To have to let go when they get to the age of 18 is hard. Its not an easy transition to adulthood for them and not an easy one for us to the empty nest. All we can do is the best that we can and be supportive.

Eda - posted on 04/07/2015

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Hi Evelyn:

You are right! All these choices are for her to decide. She wants me to be happy for her but I'm not there yet. I let her know that I love her and I am hopeful for her! It is difficult to let go especially when my daughter has been so dear to me and I have helped her throughout the years with depression. I am just so concerned and scared for her and I have no outlet for my emotions and feelings. I do appreciate your remarks.
Thanks!
Ann

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