My 3 1/2 year keeps saying he

Rachael - posted on 03/12/2011 ( 26 moms have responded )

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my son keeps saying I'm a BAD GUY and gonna slice you, knock you out, I will bust you up, and he hits along with being very me to animals!! I'm at my wits end he will say he's sorry when he knows it's bad to talk and act like that. be very nice and then 20 minutes later back at it saying I"m a bad guy I'm gonna kill you!! And It's not just me he says this to his grandparents to. I don't know what to do very worried should I take him to see a shrink?? My mother thinks I should.

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Jenni - posted on 03/13/2011

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It won't hurt to have him evaluated.
My son is 2 1/2 and can be agressive. We teach him to express his feelings in an appropriate way. We tell him, it's ok to be mad but when we're mad we say "I'm really mad right now" when he responds appropriately to his feelings of anger, I reward him with praise and attention. I help him to solve the issue that is making him angry. When he responds inappropriately, I issue a time out to go cool off and once he is calm we talk I drill home that it's ok to be mad but when we're mad we say "I'm really mad right now". Then we try to solve the problem that made him angry once he is calm.
It's taken a long time to redirect his anger in a positive way. But consistancy has paid off and in the last few months he's improved leaps and bounds. He went from hitting nearly every day and now he hasnt hit in 2 months and responds to his anger by saying he's really mad.
Just remain calm and firm. Try to show him through example how to behave when angry. When you get angry say to him: "Mommy's really mad right now, I need to go to time out to cool off" and put yourself in time-out for 5 mins. I know it sounds strange but it works!

Mandy - posted on 03/13/2011

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I would say to monitor really close what exactly he is watching, rated G these days means nothing. There is more violence and sexual inuendos in Disney movies than one would expect just because it's rated G. Then monitor his playmates behavior to see if he's learning it through them. It also wouldn't hurt to look at the older people in his life to see if they unintentionally could be teaching these behavoirs. If its none of these things then look into getting him some councelling or something of the sort. My son is Oppositional Defience Behavior and these were some of his traits. Once I conrolled how much exposure he had to this type of behavior and did the Tripple P Program to better learn how to deal with a child such as him things are ever so much better.

Firebird - posted on 03/12/2011

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Also, does he say these things when he's mad? Or when he's playing? If he's only trying to play, you can try explaining to him that these aren't appropriate games to play, and start playing more non-aggressive games with him.

Jenn - posted on 03/19/2011

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Children these age do not usually come up with these things on their own, they are hearing it from somewhere and repeating it. You need to find out where you child is hearing or seeing this type of behavior and cut of the source first and foremost. Is it on television shows he watches? At daycare from other kids? At home (although I would hope not! )...Obviously he is being exposed to this type of speaking somewhere. As far as being mean to animals, that is probably something that it wouldn't hurt to speak to a therapist of some sort about, for your child's safety and the safety of those around him, not to mention the poor animals. I am not trying to scare you or be mean but generally speaking children with violent tendencies usually start out by hurting animals before progressing to other children. I am NOT saying that is the case with your child at all, I am just saying that many children who are known to be violent towards other people have also displayed violence towards animals. Have you tried talking to him and asking him why he thinks he is a bad guy or why he wants to do these things.Explain to him that there are people, such as policeman that help protect people from bad guys and that bad guys go to jail. Not to scare him, maybe not worded like that but you get the idea. Good luck with your child and more then likely it is a passing phase and he is simply hearing it on cartoons or the like. I know my four year old son says things like that sometimes but I can tell specifically what show he hears it on and I don't let him watch violent television. After all, it is your choice to decide where to draw the line for what type of entertainment, etc is acceptable for your child and what you are willing to overlook. Best wishes!

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Rachael - posted on 03/19/2011

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Thanks everyone Aiden is already improving just from taking away tv and doin more hands on suff arts and crafts and i also reward him for good behavior with stickers on a chart we made for good behavior. I only hope it will continue mon is week 2 on this wish me luck lol

Cyn - posted on 03/17/2011

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I would suggest that you become conscious about what you think is 'okay' for him to LISTEN to and to WATCH - inadvertently or directly.Children are complete spnges from 0-5yrs and whether we give them credit or not, their surroundings shape who they will become. It's good to know that you are willing to share such a personal topic, which means you are open to other ppl's opinions. And yes, i'd take him to my pastor, counselor or even shrink.

Renae - posted on 03/16/2011

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A shrink will tell you that at his age this behaviour is immitation and not usually considered a threat. He has seen and heard this behaviour somewhere, probably on an ongoing basis. Take a look around at where he is getting it from and eliminate the source. The behaviour should then go away on its own.

Ruby - posted on 03/16/2011

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hi Rachael, first off let me tell you your not the only parent with this problem. I would with children and I seen then with this time of behaviour all the time. I dont think tv or movies is your problem. At this age children pick up on things happening around them very fast, so hearing family members, or other children around them. I would suggest what you do is explain to your son that saying words like "i'm goin to kill you" can be very hurtful. killing someone isn't a game, when somebody is killed they can't come back and it is very sad. Also try different activities to keep his mind occupied and take out his agression. some good ways are sports or painting. let him wait with different things, finger, brushes, even kitchen utensils (which can be purchased from a dollar store so you aren't useing the same ones you would cook with). you could also try role playing or getting him to express his feelings with puppets. I is often easier for a child to express their feeling when they can tell them through someone or some thing else. You could also try the same thing, have a Mr. or Ms. Friendly puppet who gets sad when he/she hears hurtful things and helps him change his behaviour.

Well I hope my input has helped, I really think a shrink should be the last option. :)

Blackwood - posted on 03/15/2011

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Don't let him watch anything that is not targeted towards his age group, put happy music on instead. Take away any toys like guns, swords ect. . . If you are worried, it wouldn't help too speak with someone, maybe not even for him, but too help you deal with it. I took care of 2 boys and everything they could get their hands on became a weapon, but they watched cartoons like spiderman and superman at the age of 3 and younger. They watch the movies like Iron Man (adult, not kids) and never listen too childrens music. I was stricted about how they played with each other and explained that toys are not used for hurting and when they didn't listen the toy was taken away and not given back. After a month of changing what they would watch, playing fun music and explaining things, they would give hugs and show love. However when mom or dad came they went back to thier old behaviours, but it does go too show you that you can really impact how a child acts. Best of luck.

Ebony - posted on 03/15/2011

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oh dear i would definantly take him to see somebody, that is not normal behavior for a 3 and a half year old. i have a 3 and a half year old daughter and there is no way she would say things like that. keep you chin up girl!!

Amanda - posted on 03/15/2011

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why is he saying that stuff? children are born into the world innocent and it is US that harm them by exposeing them to bad shows and movies (even some cartoons) and violent video games.
even rough play with dad can cause this type of behavior.
you need to monitor his television viewing and game playing. explain to him that that type of behavior is inacceptable and show him better ways to reaspond when he is angry and fustrated.

Mary - posted on 03/15/2011

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Where did he learn this ? You need to get this out of his life and teach him nice things , He needs to leard that nice gets more than bad things

Mary - posted on 03/15/2011

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Where did he learn this ? You need to get this out of his life and teach him nice things , He needs to leard that nice gets more than bad things

Mary - posted on 03/15/2011

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Where did he learn this ? You need to get this out of his life and teach him nice things , He needs to leard that nice gets more than bad things

Alison - posted on 03/14/2011

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If you are writing about the situation, this must be more than typical boy play and it probably won't be resolved by turning off the tv. From what I have heard, intentionally hurting animals is not a good sign.

Take him to a specialist. Worst case, his behavior is perfectly normal and you got worked up for nothing. On the other hand, if you don't act now, you may regret it later on.

Susan - posted on 03/14/2011

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Hello Rachael,
You definitely have a challenge on your hands. Are the male role models playing with him "gonna knock you out" etc? My husband played that way with the kids until they started trying to hurt, and Mama put the nix on that. I'm gonna kill you, I'm a bad guy? Oh, honey he is hearing that trash somewhere...older siblings with movies/video games? Find the source and bring it to a screeching halt. You may try counselor. If he responds, that is absolutely wonderful. I tried with my son, and he just refused to interact at all. All kids are different, and I would never refer about a child I don't know, so don't take this personally. My son is seriously mentally unbalanced. Now is the time to get help. I didn't because of the money I didn't have when he wouldn't cooperate....he is broken now and can't be fixed. Good luck, Ill keep you and the lil guy in my thoughts.

Jennifer - posted on 03/13/2011

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Try ignoring him completely when he talks that way. Look at him and say " I'm leaving this room to get away from those words". Then walk out of the room and busy yourself on a task in another room. Don't give him attention or verbal interaction when he talks this way. This is not the same as ingnoring the behavior. I discovered that giving a lot of attention/discussion to negative behavior often encourages the behavior. If it doesn't stop withing two weeks of walking away from him, I would consult a play therapist or social worker.

Meg - posted on 03/13/2011

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Keep the TV off or on PBS shows. Monitor what you are watching on TV, radio, music and what others are saying. Praise him when he makes good word choices. Also, try to give him better words to express his feelings. He sounds angry. It might help to take him to see someone to determine what is happening. Also, write down when he says and does these things. Maybe you or a professional can see a pattern.

Keri - posted on 03/13/2011

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I agree he needs to be seen by a professional. If he doesn't get help now he will eventually hurt someone or something.

Rachael - posted on 03/13/2011

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Thanks so much to everyone I am gonna try a little from each of your ideas and hopefully he will improve his behavior slowly thanks again

JuLeah - posted on 03/13/2011

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He has to be hearing this from someone. 3 1/2 yr old do hit and are aggressive ... it is really an important part of their social development.
I doubt he understands the words he is using. How can a 3 yr old understand death, or kill?
The words get a reaction, they express anger, so on the one hand, I'd suggest taking a breath.
On the other hand, you are wise to know he must be taught. Is there an event or person in his life that might be behind the anger? Is he like this with other kids? At school?
Ohh, he also doesn't understand 'sorry' he just know that is the word to say that makes you smile at him again. He also doesn't understand 'good' or 'bad'. Thoes words can mean so many things.
Set limits on his behavior, but ignore the words for now as he doesn't really mean them. Maybe help him find words he does mean. "Those are words we say when we are very angry. Are you angry?"
To tell him, "We don't hurt animals. We don't hurt people" is a fine message. Set clear and firm limits around that. Activally teach him, gentle hands, nice touch and offer much praise for that.
If you are still dealing with this in six months, or have not yet figured out where he is hearing the words he is repeating, consult an expert.

Rachael - posted on 03/12/2011

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Joanna He does it when he's playing and when he's mad or just walks around the house and will come and say mean hateful stuff out of nowhere I give him alot of attention. And I just started only allowing one half hour of rated G television and he gets 2 movies a week.

Erin - posted on 03/12/2011

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Definitely take him to see someone, if its nothing then you can rest easy, but if it's something more serious then the sooner its addressed the better. Good for you for acknowledging he may need to see someone, so many other people would just turn a blind eye until its to late!

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