My 3 year old has started telling me he wants a new mommy

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

I feel absolutely terrible about this. My 3 year old has started telling me he wants a new mommy and that he doesn't like me. He asks me if my mom or my friends could be his mom. The first time he said it I didn't take it to heart but he keeps saying it and it is breaking my heart. Has this happened to anyone and what did you do?

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Attached - posted on 12/17/2008

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Perhaps you could try this, "Sweetie, that's okay. I just want you to know that I will love you forever and ever, no matter what, even if you want a different mommy. I will always be your mommy though and I will love you more than the size of the universe." Say that every time he says it and just make it a ritual, say it frequently out of the blue, for no reason at all, and at times like this, too .

I'm thinking that it won't be long before he starts telling you that he "loves you forever and ever, no matter what."

Bethanie - posted on 12/18/2008

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Been there done that. I used to get so upset by my son saying it that I would absolutely breakdown in sobs. I even was so upset at one point I let him call my mom and ask her to be his new mommy. She refused his request and reminded him of all the wonderful points of his own mommy. This worked for a few days and then it was back. I finally gave up worrying and started telling him "I understand you want a new mommy but since I love you so much I'm going to keep you." He quickly gave up saying it because he realized it wasn't going to happen.

Amie - posted on 12/18/2008

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my 8 yr old went through this phase when she was about 4. She is very attached to my mom and dad and still to this day sometimes asks if she can go live with them. It's mostly due to my parents lack of rules when she's around. She's their first grand baby and boy do they spoil her, along with my other kids. I'm waiting for the day my 4 yr old tells me he wants to move in with them. lol Don't fret too much, it's nothing against you, kids just like being where there are little rules or think their will be. =)

Bernadette - posted on 12/17/2008

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i have a 4 yr old daughter. she will sometimes prefer to do things with or ask my friends or family things that are, what i feel to be, my responsibility. ive put this down to me saying "in a minute" too many times when i get caught up with cleaning or generally just not being the little 4 yr old friend she wants me to be:-) :-) i think other people appear more fun cos kids dont see all the boring stuff they do, just the fun stuff when theyre around. im no expert but i just say "me too...arent they great:-)"

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Michelle - posted on 12/07/2015

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Locking this thread because it's old. Please feel free to start your own.
Michelle,
WtCoM Mod.

Michelle - posted on 12/07/2015

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I am a mamas and I feel horrible when my 3 yr old grandson don't want to go home with his mommy. He is hysterical tears and all. I told him he is hurting mommy's feelings but it just seems to be getting worse. What can I do???

Ashley - posted on 12/23/2008

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I think its just ur kid being upset at you . other younger siblings can cause kids to do it too bc u spend more time and favor the other .dont take it personally he wants ur attention is all it is .

Kelly - posted on 12/23/2008

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Im so happy that we were able to help. Merry Christmas to you too and your family.

[deleted account]

Thanks so much ladies you really are wonderful and have made me feel soooo much better and lots of good suggestions too! Merry Christmas Mommies

Courtney - posted on 12/18/2008

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My 3 yr old has been telling me the same thing. Right now it's because it's Christmas time and I won't let her open any presents. So I just ask her "well who do you want to be your new mommy and daddy" she says "grandma and papa, because they will give me all the presents", I tell her I would be so sad if she wasn't my baby anymore and I wouldn't get to play with her, that usually works. I know it makes me feel bad also.

Paula - posted on 12/18/2008

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all of my kids have told me that. He doesn't mean it. My kids still get mad at me and tell me that they hate me. I try not to take it to heart. We all say things we don't mean when we are angry or upset.

[deleted account]

What a clever little man! I have to laugh, because I remember when my daughter did this, but it was more intense- "I hate you" was her approach to hurting me. Course she was 12.....



I believe that its best if the child understands this is hurtful language- words hurt, as this is a valuable oppertunity to teach this.



Perhaps some time apart is in order. ...than maybe he'll miss his wonderful mommy!



Also, tactically, distraction works wonders with this age.... he'll soon forget!



Good Luck Josie!

Wendi - posted on 12/17/2008

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YES!!! My son told me he wanted a new mommy who lived in Alaska and played basketball. It was actually funny. Maybe your son keeps saying it because he is getting a reaction out of you. When my son said it to me, I just told him that I love him too much to send him to another mommy and that he was stuck with me. It will stop after a while. Promise!!

Kelly - posted on 12/17/2008

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My daughter started to act out similar to this when I went back to work. What was going on when this started? Has there been a new routine or started implementing new rules? I'm pretty sure this will pass. Understandably this hurts your feeling but try to remember that he is still so young and doesn't understand that what he is saying is hurtful. Good luck and stay strong. You have my support!!

[deleted account]

My 4 and a half year old has done to me several times when she's angry, when she doesn't get what she wants; its usually when she's on time out or being punished for something she's done. So though its hurtful to me I have to NOT take it personally. I've ignored it severally times. I've told her that its a hurtful thing to say to me; at age 4 and a half, she understands. Dad also steps in "as a team" to say that he's not happy when he says that hurtful things to mommy. Plan B, you could call her bluff, and open the door and ask her to go find another mommy. lol... that usually stops them in their tracks. lol... :-) That phase has passed.

Marilyn - posted on 12/17/2008

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I don't know what to tell you, but don't let it deterr you from disciplining him (in a healthy way), because you won't be doing him or you or society any good... it's probably a toddler phase, because he's experiencing the "discipline years" (like the previous mom said). My baby is only 6 mos, so I'm not to that stage yet... sorry.

Mariam - posted on 12/17/2008

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Oh... Dont feel bad about this... He is just a kid... They even want moon to play with... Just involve yourself more in his palying activities... Try to be his friend more than a mom....Watch cartoon with him....Make some fantasy stuff with him... He will be alright and would want your more than anyone else.... However you should notice that when he says this, is it after you are getting strict with him, or you have refused to give him anything which he wants... Many times kids hate thier mommies when are forcefully fed...Well he is in discipiline years of his life and probably he is not liking it that you are putting his life and a certain track.. JUst take it easy...and give him time.. he will be alright...

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