My 3 year old son is uncontrollable!

Maria - posted on 07/11/2016 ( 22 moms have responded )

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He won't listen even if I tell or try just talking to him! He yells, he swears, he hits, and throws things when he's mad and you try to reason with him! He has very severe temper tantrums and screams at the top of his lungs! He is completely uncontrollable! I need help please!

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Raquel - posted on 07/14/2016

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I would not put no child on medication i been that road seek help from god and your church he just a kid

Lakesha - posted on 07/15/2016

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Deep, and True.
It also could be the environment "other's", so 1st changing the environment and ways on which things are being dealt with is a start. At the end of the day we all see some of our own personalities in our children. I'm glad help is being asked for now, while he's still a baby.

Lakesha - posted on 07/14/2016

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I see what you are saying, I definitely don't agree with medications, side effect are crazy for adults. It would be worse for a child. We just worked with the doctors and teachers to help with a routine that worked w/out meds. When the doctor told me that our sons have ADD and ADHD and it's usually because the parent (s) have it too; I cried like a baby. I just didn't understand.😔 so we worked on things as a family. We told them we understood and we ALL will deal with this together.

Lakesha - posted on 07/12/2016

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No one is saying put the little guy on meds. Even if a child has ADHD, that's just telling you that you have to find what will help. Find out what makes him tick, and ways that can calm him down. Give him Attention at the Right time. Listen to Him. Correct him, when he's wrong, Praise him every chance you get. Check his Environment, remove anyone that's not a positive impact in his life.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/14/2016

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Sofia, the child is exhibiting normal 3 year old behaviours. There is no need to chastise the parent as if THEY are acting out. Have you experienced this age? If so, then you know that this is not abnormal.

Sofia - posted on 07/14/2016

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Children act the way parents do. It's no secret. Change yourself and the child will follow

Dove - posted on 07/12/2016

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*Have him checked for ADHD. Some say I don't want to have my child labled. Research it learn and then talk to the doctor. Catch things before kindergarten. It's best to start in the summer to get him use to any meds he may need to take.

This is why you got the reaction that you did... from wording things like this when talking about a 3 year old. You clarifyed and I understand better... but when you start off like this while talking about a 3 year old it is easy to assume you meant getting him on meds before anything else.

Dove - posted on 07/12/2016

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Well, that sounds a lot better than your first comment. :) It just seemed like you were jumping to getting a diagnosis and starting meds... and at 3 that is jumping the gun quite a bit.

I WILL add (since I've shared a bit about my son freaking out) that my son was diagnosed at 5.5 w/ anxiety and depression and I was told that sometimes in little kids major freak outs that seem 'age inappropriate' (he would still freak out for 45 minutes some days at 5 years old... and had multiple freak outs a day) it is a sign of depression... which I didn't really knpw. I KNEW about the anxiety, but had no idea he had depression as well... I suffer from both though and how he was acting was very similar to stories my mom would tell me of myself as a little kid.

I just didn't want to add to the worry when this could just be a normal freaking out 3 year old. ;)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/12/2016

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I seriously doubt you need to medicate your child, and NO child that young should be medicated becasue their parents can't "handle" them

Try some consequences that are age appropriate, such as redirection, removing the child from the situation, etc. Try some consistency! Every time you give in to tantrums, they learn that you're a pushover.

Lakesha - posted on 07/12/2016

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Yes, you are correct, it shouldn't be the first step, and yes it takes a year. That's why the Doctor's and psychologist should be involved. You have to start somewhere. It's clear that this behavior didn't just start. As a parent we have to take steps to help our children no one want their children on meds, matter of fact my boys are not on anything. One is 17 and one is 9. Working with the doctor, setting rules and sticking to them helped them. They are both Honor Student's. They are in a great environment , we make time with our children to talk bring up things that upset them.sometimes when he is upset, wait and talk about it during coloring time. Each child is different so you have to find what work.
,

Sofia - posted on 07/12/2016

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Here's the thing---you can't really reason with a toddler. The brain of a child is NOT developed. Parenting classes help. Giving him loving attention, distraction, advanced notice of when you are about to make a change. Ie, in 10 minutes, it's time to brush your teeth and set a timer. Toddlers aren't little adults, please be loving kind.

Dove - posted on 07/12/2016

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No preschooler should be on meds for ADHD.... A reputable child psychologist shouldn't even consider starting the diagnosing process under 4/5 (and only that young if it's extreme)... and it should take at least a year to diagnose. Yes, many kids are diagnosed and many do need the meds to function, but that should never be the first step in helping a child.

Lakesha - posted on 07/12/2016

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Oh, he's 3 theres no reasoning.... You're the boss.....the Boss that listen and understands, however; lay down the rules and stick to them.

Lakesha - posted on 07/12/2016

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Have him checked for ADHD. Some say I don't want to have my child labled. Research it learn and then talk to the doctor. Catch things before kindergarten. It's best to start in the summer to get him use to any meds he may need to take.
I'm a mom of 4 boys and two has ADHD and so do I. I cried and researched, found the right resources and it helped us.
My oldest has issues with focusing, my next to the youngest is really really busy. They have friends that gets angry and fight. Different symptoms for different people.
Just watch his eating and behavior (moods) around the age 11. You may have to try something new.
I tried to give you as much as I could, I hope this helps.

Nadine - posted on 07/11/2016

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They can only maintain a tantrum for so long without an audience. Have a safe room (his) to send him to. Eventually he will go there on his own, but the first few times you will need to guide him there, and keep him there. Eventually he will learn to communicate responsibly. My grandson was bad for tantrums and it took his father a few months to break him of the bad habit. He sends him to the bathroom until he is able to discuss it reasonably (his words). I know all kids aren't the same, but even kids with sever mental disabilities seem to respond best to taking away their audience ASAP and consistantly. And to letting them decide when they are done, so long as they are in a safe place.

Ev - posted on 07/11/2016

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What rules and consequences have you used? It does not sound like you are consistent with anything. That is why he keeps on.

Maria - posted on 07/11/2016

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Ev
Yes I know kids repeat things they hear and we have all slipped up a few times here and there and I tell everyone in his life when they slip up that we need to control our language and watch what we say
And as I said in my other comment he hasn't swore in about a month now out of nowhere he's starting in again and when I ignore him he just gets worse bc I'm not paying attention to him
And if I say something to him or correct him he just runs away and gets angry
So really nothing I do with him works either way he reacts in a bad way :(

Maria - posted on 07/11/2016

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Jodi
When he is told No or something is taken from him is when he gets severly angry and throws his tantrums
And yes I ignore him all the time especially when he starts swearing!

Dove - posted on 07/11/2016

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You can not reason w/ a 3 year old. It will be a losing battle every single time. The fact that he swears at only 3 is a sign to me that something in his environment needs to change.

As for the wicked temper tantrums. Oh yeah... been there, done that... for years. What 'helped' me is to calmly walk my son to his room every time he started freaking out. It didn't STOP him from freaking out, but it got to the point that every time something would upset him and he'd start screaming like he'd been murdered... he'd run himself into the bedroom. At least that way you don't have to listen to it as loudly.

Some fit throwing kids can not calm down on their own, so if he is still screaming like a maniac after about 10 minutes you might want to check on him and see if he wants a hug or some cuddles. My freak out kid is now 8 and the 'tantrum' mode has settled considerably, but I have discovered if I offer to cuddle at the first sign of sadness I can save us both a bit of turmoil. Of course, offering comfort to some kids can also make the tantrum worse, so it may take a little time and guess work to see what can help you both survive. The worst thing you can do is to give him what he started throwing a fit over though cuz that will reinforce to him that screaming works.

If you can be firm and consistent... the tantrums 'should' let up some 'soon' (depending on the kid... some are really stubborn and will still try throwing fits even if they know it doesn't work).

Ev - posted on 07/11/2016

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I agree with Jodi.

Tips: You can never reason with a three year old child. Reasoning involves saying a lot of things a child does not understand. YOU need to set boundaries and enforce consequences all the time. Mean "NO" when you say no. If you are in public and a fit is tossed pick him up and leave. Do not give in to his demands. If he is swearing, he needs to know it is not allowed. Where is he hearing this anyhow? Kids generally repeat things they hear and think are common things to say when they are not. If he tosses things, put them up and do not give them back.

Jodi - posted on 07/11/2016

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Have you ever tried ignoring him? And I mean consistently ignoring him, not just try it a few times and it doesn't work. It is quite possible to place him in a room where there is nothing he can throw that would create a problem and totally ignore his tantrum.

Also, what are his communication skills like normally? Is he talking well? Does he generally make himself understood.

And what kind of things is he throwing tantrums over?

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