My 31 year old daughter treats me horribly!

Kathleen - posted on 01/26/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 31 yr old daughter is so snotty to me. I have told her that when my mom was alive, there was no way I could have gotten away with the way she treats me. I am perplexed and do not know how to handle this. She treats her friends better and sweeter than she treats me. And her husband is a painter, but has he ever volunteered to paint my small living area? NO! And the other night when I brought them some homemade rice pudding, once I left, her husband commented "where's the scones?" I must add that when I arrived unexpectedly at her home at 7:30 pm, she ran to the door and acted like a witch - hollering "why didn't you phone? You could have been shot just walking in here!" (Her front door was unlocked). She told me to go ahead and put the damn pudding in the fridge and get the heck out of there. I haven't phoned or talked to her since.

I would like to know if other mom's have had similar problems. Thanks for listening.

Kathleen

5 Comments

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Jodi - posted on 01/26/2014

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OK, that is interesting. In your first post, you call him her "husband" but in your second post, you call him her "live-in-boyfriend". Maybe he genuinely can't do it until March, and maybe he can't afford to do it for free? Just a thought.

Just because YOU always welcomed your mother even if she just showed up, doesn't mean your daughter does. Clearly she has an issue with it, so why not respect that and call first?

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2014

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Are you put out that they aren't married?
Just the way you wrote "live in boyfriend" says that you aren't happy about the arrangement.
You have to realize that she's over 30 and an adult, you need to step back and stop "mothering" her. She has every right to ask that you phone ahead rather than just turn up at her house. Just because you didn't mind your mother doing it doesn't mean she is the same.
Like I said, it's respect to phone ahead and not just turn up. I find it rude when people just turn up.
In regards to painting your living room, get someone else to do it. It's not a major issue in the grand scheme of things and not worth stressing over.

Kathleen - posted on 01/26/2014

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Michelle, thank you for your input. Let me give answers to a few issues:

1. My daughter's "live-in-boyfriend" has been asked numerous times to paint my LR. He gives excuses such as "I wouldn't be able to get around to it until March - plus my rates are much too high".

2. I keep giving her time to "cool off", and am getting tired of it. I moved back here because she and her brother wanted me here.

3. I always welcomed my mom no matter when she'd show up. Why can't she? Why must she storm to the door like I'm some "intruder"?

4. Her only child is in bed, asleep, by 7 pm.

I just don't feel there was any reason for her to treat me like that.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2014

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The one thing that stuck out was her husband not offering to paint your living area, have you asked him to? If not then it's not an issue.
In regards to your daughters toddler tantrums, ignore her. Just like you would a 2yo having a tantrum. Give her time to calm down and then get together in a neutral location to talk about things.
She may feel that you just turning up is a bit presumptuous of you that they would be welcoming. My Mother always arranges when she is coming over and I wouldn't be happy if she just turned up. Turning up at 7:30pm at my house you would be told it's not a good time. The kids would be getting bathed and ready for bed, I don't need people rocking up at that time unless planned.

Jodi - posted on 01/26/2014

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So you tell your 31 year old daughter that there was no way you would have "gotten away with" the way she treats you. Can I just say, that saying that to your 31 year old tells me that you are still trying to be her "mother" and "discipline" her. Almost as if she is a child.

Secondly, have you actually ever ASKED her husband if he could help you paint your living area?

With regard to phoning before you visit, well, yes, that would be common courtesy.

None of this excuse for her speaking to you the way she does, but I think you need to also look at your actions/words too.

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