My 32 year old Stepdaughter is getting married in September. Her Mother died after a very long illness when she was 18. I've been married to her Father for 11 years. She made it clear from the first time she met me that as far as she is concerned; there are NO women in her Father's life except her. She has gone out of her way for years to be nasty to me; and her Father thinks she is a perfect angel. I want to support my Husband and be with him for the big family event, but I know she will do everything she can to make it miserable for me. She has already sent out the invitations: "Mr. XXX requests the honor of your presence to the marriage of his daughter XXX". Making sure everyone who receives the invitation knows that she wishes I didn't exist. We are paying a FORTUNE for her Wedding, and with no biological mother in the picture; shouldn't I be allowed to sit next to my husband at the wedding, be escorted down the aisle by the best man, etc.?
Chana - posted on 04/10/2015
It is my guess that your step-daughter had a very difficult time with her mother's death even though she passed from a long illness. She was old enough to understand what was happening and I am certain that was not easy. You never really get over that loss and there are just times when it is harder to deal. You yourself said she made it perfectly clear that "there are NO women in her father's life except her" so you should have known from the beginning that any milestone in her life would be a struggle for you. I am not saying that she is right in trying to exclude you she is an adult and needs to except the fact that her father has remarried NOT replaced her mother. I agree that you should be able to attend the wedding and sit with your husband but as far as getting the same special treatment as the mother of the bride is really asking a lot and I think that is selfish on your part. My advice would be to talk to your husband and maybe he can talk to HIS little girl and resolve this issue so that all of you can enjoy the day.
Ev - posted on 04/10/2015
It is really this woman's day. You can not demand things of her either. You said she lost her mother to a bad illness when she was a very young woman. Maybe a part of her still misses her mother to the point she wishes her mother could see her this day and be there with her too. You need to look at this from her point of view about not having her mother there. She may not like you and that is her choice. As for sitting with your husband, by all means you should get to do that much at least, but to expect to be escorted down the aisle by one of the wedding party might be asking a bit much. You came in her life after she was grown up. My daughter's step mother had a lot of things to say about my daughter getting married, the roles all her children should have played in the wedding (half sisters were flower girls and the yougest step brother of 3 was the ring bearer because the groom's nephew was not able to come to the wedding living so far off), to where she sat and she sat with dad too, and a few other things. I was there and so it was my place to be escorted down the aisle and so on as the mother of the bride. I do not think she liked it that I was on the front row and she was not. But then again, I did not put the wedding together and neither did she. We played the parts that my daughter wanted. Its not about the people who will be there at the wedding its about the couple and their day.
Ledia - posted on 04/10/2015
I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. You should attend the wedding, and sit next to your husband, but since you are not actually her mother--you didn't really come into her life until she was an adult--You don't need to be escorted down the isle by the best man or be mentioned on the invitation.
My mother died too, and I get really upset when people try to take her place at things--sometimes, I would rather the role go unfilled than have someone who is not her fill it. This way, it gives her a place to be in spirit, and sometimes the empty role brings her memory to the attention of others.
At my wedding, I had the Best Man carry a bouquet of flowers down the isle and place it on the chair my mother would have occupied. It was actually my father's girlfriend's idea. She is now my step mother. Like your step daughter, I didn't like the idea of my dad dating, and I found a reason to hate every woman he introduced to me--including the woman who is now my step mom--because I didn't want anyone replacing my mom, but that little gesture at my wedding sent a big signal to me that she knew she would never replace my mom and that she had no interest in trying to. After she suggested that idea, I started to give her a chance, and along the way, we've developed a wonderful relationship.
Raye - posted on 04/10/2015
She should be reasonable, and allow you to attend and sit next to your husband. However, it's her wedding, so she's allowed to have it the way she wants. If your husband is ok with his daughter excluding you, then that is an issue you need to address with him.
â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 04/09/2015
This is NOT about you! This is HER day. that being said: I know you want to be there with your husband, but she has made her feelings very clear. Do you really want to put that added stress into your relationship by showing up to an event that she has clearly indicated that you are not invited to?
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