My 38 year old is a thief and cheap con to get drugs for him and his girlfriend

Djjj - posted on 06/08/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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They think I am stupid. I am used and lied to and laughed at. why do I let myself go in denial and try to give them the forgiveness of the prodigal son. How many times do I need to forgive before I am with out money or home? I feel so alone. I cannot talk to anyone about my situation. My sister has made up her mind a long time ago to hate my son. she has no children of her own. Her husband has a disease, (alcoholism) but my drug addicted son is just a lying thief. I guess she makes me see the truth and that hurts. So how do I go on. I tried everything. I am just too old for this. I am sorry I am not making sense, I have so much to say. I have two sons and their girlfriends who come at me from every direction with lies and manipulations. How they must hate me so. I have been a single mother since my youngest was 5 months old. He is 38 year old now and his brother is 40. I am a fool and a hypocrite. I advise others not to "Enable" but I find myself over and over again doing just that. It is really pathetic when a mother has to hang on to the words "I love you" knowing it is just an empty gesture on their part. I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus loves me or I would not have come this far in life. The thing about Jesus is that I cannot feel his arms around me. I just exist and for what. Every time the phone rings I fear its the morgue calling about one of my children. It was only a month ago my one son was on life support because of a drug deal gone bad. His girlfriend was upset and crying because she needed a fix. there is just too much to say and well, I thank you for allowing me to get it out of my system. I guess what I am looking for is the hurt of my children walking all over me to go away as well as the hurt of saying no to them and watching them suffer. Am I the monster because I won't take them in anymore? Is knowing they are homeless in the rain and snow , hot and cold with no money, food or shelter part of the enabling process? Every time I bring them home to give them shelter and help, it last a few days and then the cycle begins all over again. Out of all the thousands of dollars that they have stolen from me and I have given them it was the "$2.00 beer" that put me over the edge. Can anyone understand that? I want my sons back. Its been so long I feel as though they died a long time ago. I am living a false grieving period and its killing me now I think. I want to run but don't know where to go. Its funny how I can sit here at the computer moving my fingers to the words in my head, but I have no desire to move any other part of my body and I just sit from sun up to sun down in one place going in and out of consciousness. I hurt and I am scared and I am numb and I am crying. who am I. what happen to me? I am so alone. I know I am feeling sorry for myself. It sounds selfish even to me. I shouldn't be using my energy on myself I need to focus on how to help my sons.

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Niki - posted on 06/08/2014

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DJ, you are not stupid. You are a mom and you love your sons. That is also why you get hurt over and over again. Please understand that none of this is because you are doing something wrong. I would do the same things you have done and I don't know if I would have the strength to stop the cycle. There are two things you need to do, and soon. First, you need to reach out to someone close to you. I'm not sure if you and your sister still talk, but if you do now is the time to go to someone for help. You cannot go through this alone, especially with what it is doing to you, both emotionally and, I imagine, physically. You said you are Christian. Do you belong to a church? Is there someone there with whom you feel close to? Now is the time to make sure you are not going through this alone. Reach out now. You are the number one, most important person in your life and you cannot take care of anyone else who is important to you if you don't take care of yourself first. Secondly, your sons may need help that you cannot give them. Have you tried to get them treatment for their diseases? Research places that are for the homeless or low-income sufferers. You can call your county or city Department of Human Services and ask to speak to someone specifically about drug addiction treatment programs, not just the operator or receptionist. Also, you can ask your doctor or secretary at your church. If your sons refuse your help then sadly, you will have done all that you can for them. You have to live, too. Letting them come and go with whatever they want whenever they want is not working for any of you. Keep trying to get them into a place to help if they will listen to you but make time to care for yourself also. I hope things get better for you and your sons, but I really hope that you reach out to someone so that you are not suffering, as well. Turn off your computer, pick up that phone and tell someone what you told us here, please. I send you hugs and my thoughts are with you. ♥

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/20/2014

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Ok, harsh truth here, but REALITY.

YOUR KIDS ARE ADULTS. They are making the choices they are making, and you cannot change that, because they are adults.

WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE is how you react to them. It's called tough love.

Geth them out of your life. STOP TAKING CALLS, VISITS, ETC. If necessary, get a restraining order against both. By allowing them to continue to use your home, you are an accessory to a felony being committed. DO YOU WANT TO GO TO PRISON AS WELL?????

You are NOT helping them in any way. You are only allowing them to continue their abuse on your dime. THEY WILL NOT REHAB SUCCESSFULLY UNTIL THEY HIT ROCK BOTTOM. They will not hit rock bottom, ever, because you continue to enable their repulsive habits.

TAKE YOURSELF TO AL-ANON. This organization will give you steps to take to help you handle your reaction to your drug addicted adult kids, and teach you how to STOP.

Good luck.

Djjj - posted on 06/19/2014

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PLEASE READ THIS, AT LEAST GIVE IT A SPEED READING.
I thought I knew about drugs and their affect on people. But what ever they are using I don't know what it is. I find the needles and the burnt spoons they use to turn the drug into liquid to be able to withdraw into the needles. Once they shoot up my son becomes very tired and slurs his words, he then sleeps for an hour or so. Once he is awake he becomes an angel with love and respect to me for a night and a day. Then by the next day he is asking me money to buy beer. (that is his breakfast) He drinks about 3 "tall boys" by the 5th he is in a manic way spitting at me, throwing and breaking things in my house, verbally and physically abusing me and my dog because he wants more of whatever it is he is taking Can anyone out there give me an idea of what drug it is he is using? I really would like to know. . His girlfriend uses too but she is so good at hiding it I cannot believe it. I found more needles, Insulin needles, 10 to a pack wrapped up with the little tabs of paper that the drug comes in and all wrapped up in paper towels. she is smart and sneaky and she keeps it all in her bag with her clothes. This has been going on way long before her daughter died. So I can't even give her the excuse that it is because of her daughter dying she started to use. No, she has been doing this for years.
My son and her have been together for 14 years. They live in the streets now. He has no more friends because they all see that he is a thief and a liar. when he was on life support back in April, his girlfriend left him and went to live at her cousins house near the city for two months. Well she got tired of being a baby sitter and said that they all do drugs at the house. In the meantime my son was so heartbroken and he told me that he would do things my way to get help. He cried and was feeling sorry for himself. I, like a fool had false hope that he really wanted help. He sound so alone. I also know what heartache is and wouldn't wish that on anyone. So I took him in and made the doctor appointments but the doctor wasn't giving him the control substance (opiates) that he wanted so he never even gave the other medications a chance. Then I made an appointment with SSI so he can get some financial help. Remember, he was on life support back in April and had surgery on his right hand which was almost cut in half. Well he missed the appointments for the surgeon after the first one I took him to because , again ,no opiates were given to him. I have all of his girlfriends belongings here at my place. Her daughters computer and clothes, as well as her own clothes and things. Meanwhile the stitches in his hand from April are still there. His skin has grown over them but he doesn't care he just wants drugs and money. He doesn't care about anything but the drugs and after talking to his girlfriend she has left her cousin's house and moved back here with me and him. I have a stay away order. I made it so that he cannot come to my house but I can still have communication with him so I can take him to the doctors or SSI or where ever he needs to go to get help. They both refuse to go to a shelter or DSS. I know in my heart I care for both his girl and him. She is actually no trouble, she is quiet and tries to not abuse my kindness. It is my son who is the destructive and threatening house wrecker. Last weekend I pretended to be nice and offered to take them to another town where they know people and where to cop drugs at and they were fine with that. This is after he spit in my face, verbally abused me and broke up some things I had in my house. I kept telling him I had no money so when we got to our destination, he jumped out of the car because he saw someone he knew and I took out $11.00 dollars I had in my wallet and gave it to his girlfriend. I told her not to tell him about it and that I was going to use my stay away order to keep him from coming back home to me. I asked her if she wanted to leave with me or go with him. Stupid question, she went with him. My older son who also abuses drugs but at least he is functional about it and works to pay his own way. I am not condoning him using drugs, but he doesn't have the addiction that his brother has. Its not like he wakes up making it his mission to find drugs where ever he can get them. He just takes them or leaves them. Well anyway, the point I am trying to make here is that he even will not let his brother stay with him because he knows what a thief and liar he is. He will buy them food and give them money now and then but he just assume keep away from him.

I don't understand how to "add mothers to my circle". I am grateful to the mothers who are responding to my posts. I see a Julie Anne Harriott has responded to me in my email but I cannot find where the woman is! I thank you Niki for your reply. I see that I first made a post on May 17th, 2014, well its June 19th and I thought I would reach out again hoping I can find out how to add mothers to my circle. If anyone can help me with that I would appreciate it. In the mean time let me tell you where I was two days ago. I was brought by ambulance to the emergency ward at the nearby hospital. I had chest pains and couldn't talk. I mean I couldn't talk at all. My blood pressure was 212 over 120. The doctors said I could have stroked out. They gave me tranquilizers and an ekg. I have what they told me a "silent heart attack". My ekg showed I had two in the past that I was not even aware of. Do you think it may have been stress due to my children. Yep, I think so. I get the feeling my sons could care less if I die. It would mean they get what ever is in my bank and my home to them. I keep telling myself I love my children but ladies let me tell you something. I don't know what upsets me more, them on drugs or me thinking I just may hate my own children. I feel like I created monsters. I should never of been a mother. Actually the word monster was the only word I was able to speak while in the emergency ward. I have to laugh, the doctors their probably thought I was seeing monsters and just wrote me off as some kind of emotionally disturbed psycho. Prison to my children is just a social club. They learn nothing of importance there except meeting new people who they can cop their drugs from and old friends who they have hung out with in the streets from years gone by. Its where they make plans where to meet once they served their time.Its not just my sons but it is my one son's girlfriend I worry about as well. Her mother lives out of state, her father passed away about seven years ago, she just lost her 16 year old daughter the end of February and her sister is a drug addict too. She has no one but my son and she calls me mom. She told me I am more of a mother to her than her own mom. In a way I can believe that. When her own mom lived here she just stayed in her room watching home shopping networks and pretended she didn't know what was going on under her own roof. Basically she needed he kids to give her money each week when they came home from work. She used my son also after her husband died so he can carry on his work, which paid for their rent. She complained all the time that she was sick and she too liked taking pills, valley of the dolls, know what I mean? Well, this probably doesn't help anyone, its just me venting once again. But I really, really , really would like to know if anyone can tell me what drug they may be using and I really, really would like to know how to add mothers to my circle. I am not even sure if I have a circle. Oh , I must have because when I click on my name, it comes up "no mothers have been added to your circle'. Help someone, its been five days since I dropped the kids off and now I am worry because the weather says there may be thunder storms. I know they are living and sleeping in the woods. My God, I washed their clothes and they smelled so bad after washing them I had to wash them again and load up my dryer with dryer sheets to try to get the smell out of it. At least the girl brushes her teeth and uses soap, my son doesn't do either. I ask her how she can put up with it. How she can kiss him. She laughs and says she doesn't and that sex is off the table. I brought him underwear, socks, pants, and t-shirts about two weeks ago. He has been wearing the same underwear, pants, t-shirt, socks and hasn't taken a shower of brush his teeth since!! I am not saying this because he is my son, but at one time he is a very handsome young man. I hesitate using the word man, because no man would act the way he does. Not only that but he still gets hit on by other girls, woman and all want to "help" him and date him. He FREAKIN HAS NOTHING! NO MONEY, CLOTHES, CAR, JOB,OR TOOTHBRUSH! but the girls still go crazy over him. I don't understand these woman. I know some of them and they are all beautiful young mothers who should know better. Half of them call me mom too. One girl asks me if its ok she calls me ma and tell her young son that I am his grandmother. Ladies I am losing my mind. Help Help Help. And yes , I pray for us all. from DJ

Djjj - posted on 06/09/2014

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Thank you Niki, I have been doing all the suggestions you have given to me. You are correct in what you say and I know deep down I agree. I just needed to vent and this was a place I vented. I pray for us all who have this problem as well as for the individual causing these problems. Its in God's hands and I have to keep faith. I wish I had answers for all of us. My sons have been in and out of jail and prison all their lives. I think they are just so institutionalized and have become a product of that environment and at their ages, 38 and 40 I don't know if they will ever change. Once again I thank you niki for taking the time out to give me a reply. a big hug to you and May God Bless.
sincerely, dj

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