My 4.5 year old daughter had her face scratched up by a girl at her preschool

Jamie - posted on 01/19/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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The other day my daughter was playing with a girl in her class and this girl said my daughter cheated in the tricycle race and then scratched my daughter's face with both hands, drawing blood and leaving about 5 scratches on her face. The little girl was placed in time out, however she had no remorse and was not apologetic at all towards my daughter. I have spoken with the director of the preschool and they said they are not taking this lightly however I am livid. I know they have spoken to the girl's parents, but I am still concerned for my daughter. She is very sweet and would never hurt anyone. I have asked her to stay away from this girl, but my daughter said if she apologized nicely she would play with her. I don't want my daughter anywhere near her and have explained to her that she shouldn't play with people that don't treat her with respect. The teacher suggested that we talk to her and empower her so she doesn't want to play with her or people that don't treat her well. Any advice on empowering a 4 year old besides just explaining her worth and that there are too many nice kids to play with mean one's.

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Sherri - posted on 01/19/2012

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They are 4 Jamie I think you are completely over reacting. 4yr olds do things impulsively all the time without thinking of the consequences. Just because your daughter had one bad experience with this little girl does not mean she will again or that the little girl is evil. I would let it go and let your daughter be friends with whom she chooses remember they are 4 and learning how to react in different situations and how to make friends.

Groovy Girl - posted on 01/22/2012

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Jamie,

Is this your first child? Be careful what you say about your child being sweeet and would NEVER do such a thing. My girlfriend raked me over the coals when my son punched another little boy at the birthday party we were all at. I was 8 months pregnant and she had me thinking i was raising the next Mike Tyson. I really felt after that party that i had a horrible little boy. I spoke to my peditrician about this incident not long after and he laughed and said, " Aah new mothers" My friends little boy was just and baby at the time and was her first. The next year my friend called me one day and apologized for treating me so horribly at this party and told me her son recently bit 5 kids at their daycare and if he did it again they were going to ask her to find a new daycare.While it is completely innapropriate behaviour , they are 4. It seems as though discipline has taken place. My sister-in-law did not allow her children to play with any child who did ONE innapropriate thing. My nieces are 11 and 9 now and they have no children left on the street they live on to play with. Its very upsetting to see your baby get hurt by another child, but as another mother pointed out wait until grade school, its a whole different ball game.

By the way my son who punched the other little boy when he was 3 or 4, he is now 11 and is truly a sweet, gentle , boy.

Flo - posted on 06/23/2012

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Excuse me, my typos, I mean in the previous post:
"if another incident of a serious enough nature happens again, that kid should be properly and proportionaly punished."

Chrystal - posted on 01/19/2012

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I agree with the other ladies. You can tell her that friends are people that don't say mean things or hit but the fact is your talking about preschoolers they have limited ability to control emotions, limited ability to express emotions, and are learning proper social interaction name calling and hitting is gonna happen. The school took the proper steps when it did happen and I think that should be the end of it.

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Flo - posted on 06/23/2012

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I am sorry to hear the 'incidents' of your daughter. My son had similar 'incidents' at his preschool, I was really upset and don't want to talk about the incidents again now, considered change of school / not play with the mean kids, etc.
I think it is important to find a good school, I am in the process of that. After all these 'incidents', I noticed that my son actually becoming more aggresive. I am hoping that some good experienced preschool teachers can 'see it coming' and stop the incidents before it happens but that is a little ideal, although one of the teacher in my son's class I believe somewhat has that ability.
I think you may want to on your daughter's behalf, demand an apology from the other kid and her parent, also if another incident of a serious enough nature happens again, that kid should not properly and proportionaly punished. It is not easy, and some children are so mean out there. I am wondering if Montesorri preschool may provide a better environment

Jamie - posted on 01/23/2012

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Thanks for your comments. I may be overreacting, but this isn't the first altercation my child has had with this girl. The last one wasn't physical, but the child was so mean she made my daughter cry. I also overheard her father asking the teacher the other day at pick up time if his daughter had "assaulted" anyone today. He seems to be making light of his daughter's issues. And on top of that, the teacher replied saying, yes she hit Audrey today. So clearly the child is having issues. I have told my daughter that we don't play with people that treat us like that and I am dropping it. I'm hoping that if this is a pattern for this child that the school do more then time outs and mentioning it to the parents. The mother did apologize to me, the father clearly isn't on the same page. So we'll see what happens. Thanks for everyone's perspective.

[deleted account]

The kids across the street sometimes throw rocks and sticks at my kids. Other days they are nice and all the kids play GREAT together.



My kids are learning not to judge someone on their bad behavior because if YOU treat someone w/ kindness and respect and try to include them in your fun.... they are more likely to play nice.



Yes, if the boys are trying to be mean I tell my kids to stay away, but they FIRST ask if the kids would like to be nice and play.... most of the time the boys are making the right choices w/ my kids now... (even though they'll still throw rocks and sticks at the other kids... they know MY kids will give them a chance, so they don't have to be mean to them).



My long winded way to say... the kids are FOUR. Don't condemn this poor little girl off of one bad incident.

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2012

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Yup pp have this one right for sure. Your over reacting by a lot. If hour this up set with normal pre schooler behavior I hate to think how your going to react when she is in school full time! Your dealing with children, not mini adults. The little girl behaved badly, was disciplined by the school and hopefully her parents. For the children it's done and they have moved on. I would suggest you do the same. As for teaching your child to be empowered, that happens more by example than by words. If you are always kind, choose your friends wisely and generous of heat she will learn from your example.

Christy - posted on 01/19/2012

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The advice that the pre school gave you is laughable. WTF?hey are 4 for crissakes!



To be rational and non emotional in this situation, I would call the parents and talk to them about her behavior. That's about all you can do in this case. That or put your daughter in another school. I know the school my daughter goes to if this happened to her, they would call the parent immediately to send the bad kid home.

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