[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )
I am looking for mothers and fathers who are dealing or have dealt with a wild, high-energy child who is not diagnosed with ADHD.
My 4-year-old daughter is wild, smart mouthed (although not abusive, there is no name-calling or claims of not loving my husband or myself), extremely high-energy and constantly on the go. My husband, her father, has likened her to a shark. It is almost as if she is in danger suffocating if she stops moving or talking for a minute.
I have addressed with her pediatrician and her teacher. She is currently attending half-day pre-school. Her teacher thinks she is wonderful and gushes how well-behaved and attentive she is in class. She is smart, helpful, genuinely friendly and is perfectly able to sit down and focus on a task. She has dealt with children with ADHD and feels my daughter does not meet the criteria.
The same is with her pediatrician. After extensive question and answer visits, he feels she absolutely does not have ADHD and is simply a high-energy child.
Here is my problem though.
I am in tears constantly about her behavior. She runs from me in stores, and throws tantrums when she does not get her way, she flat out disobeys me on a daily basis.
It is is not until I am in near tears she stops and apologizes, promising she will be good.
And she is for a short while, but only for a brief time.
I have had other moms sympathize and tell me this is normal, but I have no basis to go on.
I am going to confess and say my daughter might be spoiled.
I am 39 and have no other children. My husband and I had her late in life. While we are not rich, we do pretty well. I left my accounting job to stay home with her when she turned 2. Before then, my mother stayed to watch her, and being her only granddaughter, my mom basically never said no to her.
This rubbed off on me. I gave her a lot of leeway on things, and I realize now it was my mistake.
The problem is now I am genuinely trying to scale back and bring her behavior under control. However, she is fighting it tooth and nail.
I want to be clear she is not mean-spirited. I know she loves everyone, including myself. When I am particularly upset with her and ready to cry, she will try to make small gifts for me. She will often climb onto my lap and tell me she loves me.
Part of me feels she is struggling with something internally, but I'm not sure if is something I did wrong, something going on with her, or a mix of both.
Punishments are typically taking away electronics and some toys. She is not a big TV watcher.
She is, however, pretty smart. In fact her teacher has said she is extremely smart. Which is something I wonder about. I suspect sometimes she is too smart of her own good.
She has her own tablet we monitor. She plays Minecraft and builds entire cities, with working doors, farms, everything. No one ever taught her this. She wanted Minecraft after watching some videos of older kids playing it and wanted to try it. She also can do basic math and I have worked with her on science projects for fun.
So, does anyone have advice on what to do? I feel sometimes I am not talking to a 4-year-old, but to a adolescent. I am not sure if it is because she has grown up primarily around adults and picked up adult behavior, or if it is because of getting her away so often, or if she might actually be a bit smarter than I give her credit for.