My 48 year old daughter is has cut me off totally from her life. My granddaughters, 25 and 23, have decided to follow suit. I also have two great-grandchildren that I never get to see. The last time I tried to contact her was just before Thanksgiving 2015. I went to her home and knocked on the door. No answer, so as normal, I opened the door a little and yelled her name and asked if she was home. From somewhere in the house she came, quieted down the dogs, and told me and said

Georgene - posted on 07/27/2016 ( 30 moms have responded )

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The 23 year old has been in contact with me lately and has chosen to have relationship with me. The other granddaughter, 25, has chosen to not go against her mother. Just so happy to have one granddaughter want to be in my life.

My son, 44, has chosen to be with me and so has his wife and son! What more can I ask for!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 07/29/2016

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Georgene, you need to take a breathe and probably step back from the computer.
All people have been doing is trying to help you see the bigger picture and all you have done is attack them.
Just think about that for a moment...............You are on an international, open forum. People are allowed to respond to your post. The replies have been trying to help you. Sometimes when we are so close to a situation, we can't see what will help. You need to be open to others trying to help you as what you have been doing so far hasn't worked.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2016

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LOL, I'm sorry, where did I judge you? Pointing out that you are deflecting the conversation rather than actually trying to resolve the situation is not judging you. That's fact. That's exactly what you are DOING. (please note, that is me judging your responses on this conversation, not me judging YOU). By accusing me of judging you, you are actually continuing to play the victim and deflect from the actual issue.

I'm sorry if your post was merely a vent. It came across as someone seeking advice. But I can see now you clearly don't want advice, you just want to be the victim. The victim of your daughter. The victim of your grandchild. And now the victim in this conversation while people are trying to give you some advice to help you.

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2016

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If your daughter came with you to counseling then she must have had something to say. What sort of professional would allow an entire session to pass by with the only topic being a handbag?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2016

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How are any of our point "judging" you in any way?

They are ALL valid points, but you don't seem to want to see any perspective but yours, which is that you have never done anything wrong.

I assure you, my dear, that your daughter, at some point, DID attempt to communicate with you. If your real behaviour is anything like your online responses, you deflected the conversation back to her, rather than LISTENING. I can say this, because my mother once acted the same. Once she LISTENED to my very valid points about her behaviour, which was mentally destructive from the time my parents divorced and was beginning to affect MY children, she was able to clear things up so that we now have a relationship.

Take it or leave it, my dear. You probably think I am "judging" as well, but I am not. Merely responding to your posts.

By the way...telling someone on a public forum not to respond is like asking a river to stop running.... doesn't work.

Dove - posted on 07/28/2016

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Wow... I'm starting to understand your daughter's position if this is how you react to complete strangers just trying to help. I hope you are still in that therapy and you let it do you some good....

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Georgene - posted on 07/29/2016

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Thank you, Michelle! I think I will take your advice!

By the way, my daughter's name is Michelle!

Thank you!

Dove - posted on 07/28/2016

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*By the way...telling someone on a public forum not to respond is like asking a river to stop running.... doesn't work.

lol Shawnn... that's actually the only reason I responded at all. ;)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2016

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I absolutely despise people who cannot leave their op as is...

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2016

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I'm not quite sure how I made your relationship with your daughter worse, but whatever.

Georgene - posted on 07/28/2016

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Thank you for trying to help! But, you didn't! You made it worse! I'm out of this crazy group!! No more replies, PLEASE!!!

Georgene - posted on 07/28/2016

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You don't even know me, Jodi, so before you judge me, and you have judged me, you should know a person better. I am so sorry I even vented to this Circle of Moms. What a joke!

Dove - posted on 07/28/2016

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Not sure why you are getting so defensive against Jodi... She has only made valid points.

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2016

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I didn't say it wasn't okay to change your OP. I was just indicating that my (and other) initial posts were based on what you provided initially, which isn't the same as the OP is now.

Whether or not I have daughters is still irrelevant. You are deflecting again. You are the one with the issue, not me. And if I ever do face the issue (and yes, I do have adult children), I certainly wouldn't sit here and consider myself totally innocent in the situation, even if I wasn't sure what I had done wrong and continue to deflect on everyone else and consider myself the total victim.

Georgene - posted on 07/28/2016

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According to this, it's okay to change your OP! The purpose of whether or not you have daughters, is that you may experience this yourself one day. But then, I doube you believe this is possible!

Good bye, Jodi!

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2016

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So don't talk to her. If she won't talk to you, there is little you can do. Maybe send her a letter or card that you love her and you'd like her to tell you why she won't talk to you, and that you are sorry if there is something you have done to hurt her.

Yes, I do have daughters. I'm not sure of the relevance of that though.

BTW, you have changed your OP, so that is different information than you provided in the beginning.

Georgene - posted on 07/28/2016

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I don't think you get it Jodi! SHE doesn't want to talk to me. How do you talk to somebody who doesn't want to talk to you? I hope this NEVER happens to you as a mom. You have daughters, or a daughter? I am NOT tying to be a victim! She has NEVER told me why!! Really hard to accept a perspective when they won't tell you why!!!

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2016

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Noone said it was ALL your fault, but you are deflecting COMPLETE fault onto your daughter by labelling her narcissistic and doing the "I'm innocent, I've done nothing" drama. And the fact is, with more detail on the situation, you have now agreed you used to give her everything and then you stopped. Etc. etc.

I am pretty sure your daughter HAS told you WHY she doesn't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you. That doesn't mean you are all to blame, but she has HER reasons (valid to HER). If you can ACCEPT her perspective (I didn't say agree) and then try to resolve that, THEN you might be able to work towards developing a relationship with her, especially if you are able to acknowledge your past mistakes.

Georgene - posted on 07/28/2016

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! went through counseling as stated in my last reply! I had my daughter join me for one of the sessions as I stated in my last reply. I am not trying to control her. I am trying to understand why!!!

I guess it is all my fault and I will just let it go!

Thank you for your replies!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2016

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Again. This woman is an adult. You cannot control her.

counseling may help you.

Georgene - posted on 07/28/2016

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No parent is perfect. I made mistakes. Yes, we gave her everything sh wanted, and then when she married we stopped.

I refused to let her stay out all night on the fourth of July several years ago when she was 18. So, she ran away from home only to return a week later wanting to come back home. Of course we let her come back!!!

She did say she didn't like the way I raised her, but I was usually the one who dished out the punishment but never spanked either of our kids, and she was always very hostile toward her brother who is 4 1/2 yrs younger. Found out the neighbors had to come over one summer day to break up a big fight between her and her brother. He wasn't hurt bad, but to this day she doesn't contact or speak to him either. And NO I didn't show him favoritism!! Any ideas folks?

Patty - posted on 07/28/2016

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Didd you spoil her growing up and give her money all the time and then stop, or was she demanding more and you said no? There is some underlying reason for her to turn like this and that expensive bag you purchased for her, well, she said it was ugly. I'm torn I'm sure as everyone else on here as to why this is happening but the first step is being completely honest.

Georgene - posted on 07/28/2016

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I invited her to my counseling session. All she could talk about was the Dooney & Bourke handbag I got her for Christmas several yers ago, was just so ugly! How cn I talk to her when she refused to talk to me?

Nadine - posted on 07/28/2016

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unless your daughter has been diagnosed by a medical health professional, then you are just throwing around buzz words to make you look like a victim. Perhaps talk to your daughter. Even ask if she would go to family counselling with you. People don't throw away relationships with parents for no reason. NOT saying this is all your fault, but I don't think you daughter and grandkids just woke up one day and decided a wonderful mother and grandmother is suddenly going to be shut out for noreason. This makes no sense, and if something makes no sense, that is usually because it is not true.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/27/2016

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I agree with the other ladies. You need to examine this and address it within yourself. I had to cut contact with my mother until she did this and realized that I had valid points, and she needed to modify her behaviour.

I also hate it when parents decide that their adult children are all of a sudden narcissistic, as well as the other way around

Michelle - posted on 07/27/2016

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I agree with Jodi, there has to be a reason for they way you are all treating each other.
My Mother treated me like crap when I was a teen and she can't even remember doing it. Maybe something similar has happened in your family. I only keep a relationship with her for the sake of my children.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2016

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"I guess it's okay for your adult children to label their mother narcissitic and passive aggressive, though!"

Isn't that interesting. I actually never said it was okay for her to label you that either. Throwing that label around is annoying across the board. But that comment that I have highlighted is actually quite passive aggressive. Is this what you do to her? That when she tells you that there is something she doesn't like, rather than addressing her concern, you deflect and turn it back around to her or others?

"but she will talk to her dad, and give him Christmas presents, but not me!"

Again, deflecting.

I think you need to REALLY consider the issues she has with you, and ACTUALLY listen to them rather than dismissing and deflecting. Have you ever sought counselling?

Georgene - posted on 07/27/2016

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All she tells me is she didn't like the way I raised her, but she will talk to her dad, and give him Christmas presents, but not me!

Georgene - posted on 07/27/2016

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She told me "you just need to go home", in a very nasty tone, and slammed the door in my face. I guess it's okay for your adult children to label their mother narcissitic and passive aggressive, though!

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2016

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You didn't finish your post. However, it absolutely bugs the hell out of me when every person who is cut off from their adult children starts throwing around the term "narcissist". Just because you don't understand the reason they cut you off, doesn't mean she doesn't have one and she is just doing it because she is a "narcissist". Given ALL of them have cut you off, maybe there is a reason and you just don't accept it?

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