My 5 year old daughter goes back and forth from her father's to my place every week and about a year ago, she told me she likes her father more and she would rather live with him... If this is what makes her happy, do I oblige and just help her on the side, as much as I can?

LeAnn - posted on 07/22/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My ex-husband and I divorced when she was 2 and I was 21. From that point til now, I've been working so hard to try to give us a good life and secure our future. I have to admit, some days my job is so important and it's so exhausting, coming home to her would consist of just rushing to make dinner, eat, clean up, get ready for bed, and then wake up early, rush and get us ready, and that is the only way she can imagine her time with me, rushed and strict. We'll do fun things on weekends, I've taken her on several trips, which were very hard to save for but I pushed it to the max to make sure I could keep my promise, since I barely spend quality time with her. But now I've reach this point, and I knew it would come, and I'm hurt and scared. I feel it deep inside that maybe one day, she'll understand that I'm alone and there isn't anyone to help me and her father has moved on and has someone beside him to help him. Any single moms who have kids that are older now with reassuring advice? Because there are days where I just want to give up... =(

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LeAnn - posted on 07/23/2013

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It's hard, but everyone's situation is hard. I just need to go with what makes her happy.

Amy - posted on 07/23/2013

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I'm recently divorced and the kids primary residency is with me but they can see their father whenever they want. I am the sole provider for the kids and her $0 in child support so obviously work is very important to me. With that being said when I get home from work that is their time with me, I don't care what needs to be done it can wait because I know I'm not getting this time back with my kids, I also work weekends so there's no fun times on the weekend. My nights consist of playing board games and video games, cuddles on the couch. Yes they probably eat chicken nuggets too frequently but if it means time at the park or running around then I would rather be with them.

With that being said if either of my kids wanted to go live with their dad then I would allow them to. Our parenting plan is open anyway so I know I would still get them on my days off and a couple nights a week.

Lynda - posted on 07/23/2013

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only need to go to court about things you and your partner as grown ups cant agree on both mums and dad are equal in making decisions child belongs to you both 50 50 the courts and solicitors only there for parents who dont agree on arrangments made x

LeAnn - posted on 07/22/2013

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Evelyn and Lynda thank you for your kind words. I do spend quality time with her when it's the weekends and on the weekdays we'll go grocery shopping. I know as long as I stay around and just be there for her as much as I can, our relationship will continue to grow. Just couldn't imagine her their completely, and there is no court order for the custody yet, as of right now.

Lynda - posted on 07/22/2013

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if your daughter with your blessing lives goes to live with her dad and the knowlege she can see you whenever,no worries, her happiness must always come first, the condition has to be that the father also abides by these rule, drawn up with a solicitor with conditions might be good then sent to the court dad will have moved on with a missing piece of his life, thats the sad fact for you both best wishes to the l three of you

Ev - posted on 07/22/2013

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Your time with your child is what you make it. Is your career so important that you can not take a bit of that time put into it and put it into your daughter? You do not have to spend mega amounts of time with her because its really the quality of the time you have. Just take her to the park to play, go have an ice cream night, game night, take her to see something she might not get the chance to see again because its once in a life time. Those are the moments that our kids remember the most. I say this because I have done this with my now 23 and 16 year old after the divorce with their dad. I ended up letting them live with their dad for the sole reason of not wanting them to worry about custody from one parent to the other. So being the parent that got less time, I made it all about them. And in the end we were closer than we ever were. We learned to appreciate what we had. As for letting her live with her dad, you may have to go to court to get that changed over but do not give in because she says she likes it at her dad's more. That is not a good enough reason and if she is five years old no judge is going to listen to a child that age as of yet.

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