My 5 year old girl

Tanima - posted on 11/14/2014 ( 25 moms have responded )

25

0

5

My 5yr old girl has stopped going to school for last 15 days now. She cries every morning to the limit and doesn't leave the bed at all. Spoke to the teachers and also tired to figure out if she is a victim of sexual assault. None!!! So please tell me what to do. She studies well at home but I can't even utter the name of the school. I need help!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Erika - posted on 11/16/2014

10

82

0

As an educator I'll begin by saying this is just wrong! At my school, we have an open door policy. Parents sit-in on classes frequently, and I teach SIXTH GRADE! The mere fact that the teacher is unwilling to see you is a huge red flag!

As a parent, that sudden of a change in behavior by your daughter tells me that something traumatic happened to her. I would get a counselor (not from the school) involved and if need be, the local authorities.

You are being too accommodating to the school. This is your child; she is your first priority! Address her needs; take care of her... But don't let this go unhandled.

Good luck!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/18/2014

13,259

21

2015

Well, if you're in the US, and your child's school is a public school, they cannot deny you access to the classroom unless there were extenuating circumstances (for instance, if you had a child predation charge or something). So, if you're in the States, and your school authorities are not cooperating, take it to the next level at the district offices.

File complaints, and tell them that you will be the parent volunteer in the classroom until this situation is handled and rectified.

If you've followed the proper steps: Requesting meetings, requesting data, etc, and been refused, you need to escalate the complaint.

However, if you've just shown up at the classroom door, it's not surprising if the teacher told you that she could not speak at that time (although I've never seen it at a K level...), because their time is pretty crowded, and they do like to plan for parent interaction.

Furthermore, no school worth it's salt would tell you to hold off on counseling, so that sounds fishy to me. Are you certain they told you to HOLD OFF, or did they recommend that you see the school counselor first, before scheduling an expensive appointment?

Really, I've been through this. Kids, at that age, know that momma's a pretty easy target at times, and they figure out very quickly how to show the behaviours that will get them what they want...I.E. Staying home from school with momma...

More investigation is needed.

Tanima - posted on 11/19/2014

25

0

5

Yes I'm guessing that something went wrong with this teacher part. Cuz my girl has stopped talking about her teachers at home. Plus I had a. Word with the teacher a month ago. She was a lovely lady, but I think she's got a bad temperament....at least that's what I felt when I met her. I trying hard right now so that my baby opens up to me. Then I will go for the next step. Meanwhile, I've also made the apptionement with a counselor this weekend.

Mommyof3amazingboys - posted on 11/18/2014

33

0

3

Is the teacher mean? my son was in kindergarten last year and everyday he was scared and cried the whole year struggling forcing him and bribing him to go to school. found out the teacher was pregnant and due to have the baby so she went on maternity leave. literally right after she left and he had a substitute for the remainder he loved it.That is when I realized what the problem was his mean teacher. He never told me she was mean until afterwards. He would come home praising the substitute saying how she would involve the kids and say so and so did a good job today and having all the children being praised on how good they were. not in those words exactly lol but included them in things. This year he has a wonderful teacher he loves. I hope your baby girl gets through it.

Dove - posted on 11/15/2014

11,687

0

1349

If you can change the school I would ask your daughter how she would feel to go to a different school. If she reacts well to it... yes. If she has become resistant to go to ANY school... then I would see about finding her some counseling if possible.

25 Comments

View replies by

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/19/2014

13,259

21

2015

I was on the wrong page, Tanima! Sorry for confusion.

Tanima - posted on 11/19/2014

25

0

5

Hi Shawnn! thanks a lot for ur mail. It's really helpful. I'm not gonna think twice what school said to me. I will move towards counselling but before hand need to find out some more data about what actualy took place. No! I don't live in the US, I live in Bangladesh, in south Aisan region. Here ur not allowed in the class. This crap developed due to cultural situation. I'm seeing some one in the weekend to talk about it along with by girl. Cuz my baby loved school like crazy and all of a sudden out of gods nowhere, she doesn't wanna go to school anymore. Though she is not opening up to me. I'm trying hard to know and go to the bottom of it. After that it's me who the school will b dealing with cuz I'm not sending my baby back. Although I tell people that she is 5. But actualy she is 4.6 years old. I'm great fun to u for such an elaborate mail.



Cheers!
Tanima

Tanima - posted on 11/19/2014

25

0

5

Hi thanks for your kind reply. Yea I'm a bit scared but I can't access the school. They don't talk.,I'm trying all possible way to open my girl up....she plays,studies, do everything normal but doesn't wanna hear a word about the school. My baby wasn't like that ever. She flipped 360* she was a die hard fan of school. But I will go to the bottom of it.

Mommyof3amazingboys - posted on 11/18/2014

33

0

3

After reading more and more I started thinking maybe it will help maybe it wont but. I watched a movie based on a true story of children being abused In your case I pray I am wrong but anyhow the little girl who was being abused didn't tell wouldn't speak of it until she knew she can talk to her mom and when the mom was laying next to her when it was bedtime just talking about the day or what not and both mom and daughter being relaxed the daughter started to open up to her, when she knew she could feel safe. You probably already tried that, but that's a suggestion.

Tanima - posted on 11/16/2014

25

0

5

Thanks Wanda!! But the school doesn't allow me to sit in the class to calm her down. The last time she went to the school....she literally CLIMED out of the pocket door and ended up on the Main Street!!! I was scared to death...and amazingly she got out in fripont of her teacher and later teacher declined that she never noticed. Thank god I styaed back that day. I'm waiting for my husband to return form abroad n will see someone asap!!! Cuz my lil one studies at home and also plays the role of a teacher while playing with our cat= misses school but doesn't wanna go. I will change the school as soon as I figure out what did they do with my baby...I won't let go of it...

Wanda - posted on 11/16/2014

72

0

4

My son went through a stage where he would freak out as soon as we entered the class. Full out scream and balling. Grabbing at me with everything he had.
I feel for u as that can be so damn stressful.
For me ,I volunteered my time to help in the class, with the other children so he could get use to playing with others. And then I would say work called half way through and leave. It eventually led up to full days without me.
It's so hard with kids because they dont know how to fully express themselves.
I'm wishing u all the best outcome. And let's hope it's more of an anxiety thing than abuse. Still very stupid that you couldn't sit in and that they reject councelling.

Tanima - posted on 11/16/2014

25

0

5

Thanks a lot Erika! For ur reply. I think ur right. My husband will be back from abroad in 3 days. Then we will see a couonselor Asap!! And yes!!! I ll never let it go. Cuz my lil one who was a die hard fan of school certainly flipped 360* I will go to the bottom of it if it's the last thing I ever do!!

Rebecca - posted on 11/15/2014

139

0

30

The teachers might not even have a clue if she's been sexually abused or bullied.

Sarah - posted on 11/15/2014

8,728

0

21

The fact that the school wanted you to stall counseling and the teacher refused to speak with you, speaks volumes. Something is up. Maybe not abuse, but maybe the policies are so rigid and that trickles down to the kindergarten and makes your daughter anxious. It's a tough decision. You want your daughter to go, be happy and successful at school and switching schools may well provide that. But switching schools also lets her know that pitching a fit and quitting will get her out of a tough spot.
If you contact the school and request an appointment with the teacher, principal and a counselor they should comply right away. Maybe you can get some answers that way.

Tanima - posted on 11/15/2014

25

0

5

Yea! She said she doesn't wanna go there anymore and she is ok to go to a new school. But may I just ask u that, what do make out of the whole scene. Has she been abused at school or it's something else. Since her class teacher refused to see me. Let me also tell u that although my girl mingles with everybody still she doesn't have a single friends at school.

Tanima - posted on 11/15/2014

25

0

5

Hi Dove! Thanks a million for ur kind reply. I went her school this morning and wanted to meet the class teacher. She school didn't let me. I strongly belive that something went wrong at the school which the authority is not telling me. Plus my baby didn't tell me anything or she is too scared to share. Because in one point in time. She admitted that she is scared to go. Do u suggest that I change the school??

Dove - posted on 11/15/2014

11,687

0

1349

Why would the school tell you to wait on counseling? It's not their call to make. I would not have her in counseling THROUGH the school because if something is going on AT the school... it's not as likely to come out.

If she was fine in preschool I would be very inclined to believe it's an issue at or with the school. It may in no way be the school's fault, but it may not be where she should be.

Tanima - posted on 11/15/2014

25

0

5

Hi Sarah! Thanks For ur reply. YES!! U have a point. I am thinking of holding her back a year. But she has started her pre school and play group classes well. She always loved to go to school. It's only for last 15/16 days she is not moving a yard. I can't force her to go cuz she cries out loud to the limit. My girl was never like that ever. She has been awarded for her performances and singing as well. I don't get it why she is doing the things at the moment. She is fully normal and studies well day to day at home. It only and only the school.lord knows what's going on and how do I solve it!!

Tanima - posted on 11/15/2014

25

0

5

Hi Emma! Thanks for ur reply. Actually I have the same problem. My girl too don't have any friends neither she is interested. But she mingles with everyone she comes across. I seriously tried to find out what went wrong at school. I tried to find the inner most issues by talking to my girl but it's negative thus far. May be u have a very strong point about being bullied at school. I will try and figure this part out with her see what I can sum up.

Emma - posted on 11/15/2014

1

0

0

same situation happened to my daughter when she was at kindy, she didn't have any friends no one wanted to play with her.
she still is alone. while she loves other children and wants to be friends with them, unfortunately seems nothing can works.
I tried making as many play date as possible, took her to different sport classes..etc
she hates school, she hates recess and lunch times at school..he hates excursions because she left out alone no one wants to sit with her, myself also have no friends and i think she got it from me. so maybe your daughter left out when she is at school or get bullied! i suggest asking her to tell you how she like a school to be! and what she likes to change about her school if she had an especial power!

Tanima - posted on 11/14/2014

25

0

5

Thanks for your reply! But too didn't give her any options to stay back at the first place. But the way she raised hell at school,it was really unpleasant. I never thought she would go to such extend such as running out of the school after it started. Teachers said to give her some more room to breathe and stop all study activities at home. However, I have also considered counselling Her, but school has asked me to wait for a while. I have just visited her school counselor toady and she told me that to observe a week or so. Meanwhile, she understood what's going on and has asked me that she is ready to give up study God damn. Me n her daddy are trying hard to calm things but nothing is working as planned. I have a pet cat at home, Alex. Is he an element of influence to her???

Dove - posted on 11/14/2014

11,687

0

1349

Is she really distressed... or has she discovered that you won't make her go if she puts up a fuss? Kids are smart little buggers... and can be super stubborn.

If she were my child I would not have given her the option to not go in the first place. Now that you've let her stay home for 15 days it's going to be that much harder to get her to go back and she WILL put up a huge fight and freak out to see if you will really make her go.

If you are genuinely concerned about her mental/emotional well being... seek counseling for her. Otherwise, stand firm and take her back, but keep up w/ the teachers daily to see how she's reacting... cuz if she's not getting any better w/ it after a couple of weeks then you should seek counseling for her anyway.

Sarah - posted on 11/14/2014

8,728

0

21

if she is that distressed and has missed three weeks of school, maybe you need to consider holding her back a year. Talk it over with the school and her doctor. Ultimately, you can force her to go, she's five, but if she seems so anxious? Is it worth it? Why do you think she is so upset? Did she start out fine and then start refusing to go?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms