My 5 year old girl grew an attitude from heck over night, how do i get the old one back?

Nicole - posted on 12/23/2009 ( 30 moms have responded )

2

20

0

She is sassy and talks back, and it happened over night.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Marjie - posted on 12/25/2009

11

16

0

Both of my daughters (age 7 and 11) go through this / have gone through this periodically. No one put in the parenting books that I was going to remind my children to watch their tone twenty times a day. Really, did no one notice that this was a problem in our society? I'm a teacher, and kids try it on me for the first month of school. Slow learners take longer. Here's what I've learned. Don't argue with her, but do require that she restate herself in respectful terms. Don't give her anything she wants unless she is polite. I do it with my own children and I do it with my students at school. It requires repetition, but pretty soon all it takes is a look. It will eventually work without you having to yell, lecture, or punish which only seems to make their attitude worse anyway.

Christiane C - posted on 12/25/2009

1

19

0

"Have any of you tried talking with your child about the behavior?".. i remember the first time that one came home in a note from the 2yr old class teacher.. my husband and i looked at each other and busted out laughing hysterically.. talking does nothing (we actually did try that with each of our 3 kids.. at some point or another). what works is action.. smart off to your boss, you may not have a job, no way to earn money for things you like.. application: smart off to mommy, mommy takes away something you like (for more than a day). do it again, lose something else. i've gotten my son's room down to 4 walls and a bed before timeout actually meant something to him.. but i got control back, lol. still, respect is a life lesson that must be learned young while you're still in control, not when she's 12. good luck:)

April - posted on 05/31/2013

1

8

0

I have been dealing with my 5 year old daughters bad attitude for almost 3 months. Yes she is a different child when with her dad, but I have had enough. She doesn't even care if we're in public. When will this change?

Lesley - posted on 12/25/2009

3

14

0

It like everything, will pass....and then come back at 8 and pass, come back at 10...lol. No I find myself buying my son a MTO learner's book for a stocking stuffer....gets easier. Like all phases, they pass, it is just how you learn to cope and handle it...decide on a course of action and be consistent...don't overanalyse. I have a 16 yr old, 14, 4 and 3...two boys, two girls. All go through something. My secret to sanity?? My MP3 player. good luck and merry christmas!!

Jill - posted on 12/25/2009

16

9

0

My son just turned 8 and it seems he goes through this stage every so often where he talks to me like he's my dad! Lol. I explain to him that the behavior isn't allowed and give him a warning that if he speaks to me like that again I'm going to take something important to him away from him. I don't tell him what it is because it keeps him in suspense and he becomes hesitant to keep speaking to me that way. If he doesn't stop after the warning I stick to my word and take something big away from him. Then he has to earn it back with good behavior. If he stops after the warning, I make sure I praise him with smiles. Kids are challanging! Lol. Good luck!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

30 Comments

View replies by

Eleanor - posted on 12/29/2009

6

8

0

Sounds like your daughter truly wants to test her boundaries with you! Most kids will be less defiant with their fathers -- something about the male figure. The same holds true at school, probably because there are fewer male teachers, and possibly because they are taller, bigger, and have a deeper voice. As they say, actions speak louder than words. I have found that children will pick up on the lessons you are trying to teach them, but sometimes it won't become apparent until years down the road. When my daughter was little, around 5-6 yrs. old, she had a friend who was sassy and talked back to her mom but when she was with me and said she didn't like something we were serving, I told her the polite way to answer was to say "No thank you, I'm full," rather than, "Ewww, I don't like that!" A few years ago when we visited them after having moved away years earlier, this same child -now 12-13 yrs. old - started to sass her mom when she was serving something but then stopped and said, "No thank you, I'm full." This stage will pass.

Angie - posted on 12/28/2009

5

15

0

I am so glad you posted this. My husband and I are going through this right now with our 4 year old daughter. She seems to be more defiant with me than with him. She is truly testing her boundaries and it is wearing me out... All of the posts have given me a new perspective and they have been very helpful.
Patience, love and respect - all values we want our children to learn from us anyway. It's time to practice what we preach. Again, again and again. :)

Eleanor - posted on 12/27/2009

6

8

0

She must have just started school! From the teacher's standpoint, I say it's good to stand up for yourself, but you must have and show respect for your elders. As a mom, you need to let her know that talking back is not appropriate -- enforce your rules. My children are older, and they speak their minds, but they know when to speak up and when not to. I have seen many friends who have allowed their kids to be disrespectful and now that they are grown, these kids are beyond bratty. Teach her to respect you and show respect to you, and everything will work out in the end. You don't want to break her spirit, but you don't want her to be out of control either. Finding the healthy balance will take some time, but she will learn the difference, and when she is in school full-time, it will help alot!

Verena - posted on 12/27/2009

3

0

0

All your answers are so interesting... I wonder if they are just at a stage where they are learning from us and sponging off our way of talking and acting. We are their role models and they could be repeating what we are doing...

Shainaaz - posted on 12/26/2009

8

8

0

I have that minus the sassy with my son ( 5 in Jan) he talks back to just about everything and is very defiant.

Sherry - posted on 12/26/2009

38

1

0

i'm going to college right now to be an childhood educator and i've learned over my time there and though raising my own child is to try to correct the behaviour not the child, when talking to them about what you expect of them try to get to their level and maintain eye contact don't repeat what you've explained give them about 2 mins to comply if they don't then give them time away which is when you are not sending them to their room or anything of that sort you are just removing them from the source of the behaviour so they can be alone but only until they are able to clam themselves down and then go back to the activity they were doing before.
i hope this helps you out o.k.

Sara - posted on 12/26/2009

3

3

0

My two year old has an attitude I've never seen in a child this young. I took her to a friends house who had a bad attitude. It's difficult to keep calm when she behaves likt that but I will first try to speak calmly and tell her to come talk to me and I tell her how it makes me feel when she behaves badly. If that doesn't work she goes to time out. She will behave for a while but it doesn't last. I'm hoping consistency will be the key.

Stacy - posted on 12/26/2009

3

25

0

My husband says its a girl thing. I have 4 friends and all of our girls are the same age and the same sassy attitudes! Just nip it in the butt now so the teenage dreadful years are not worse. time outs and alot of cleaning is what my daughter gets. One of the earlier posts is great. You are the mom and that is why



Good luck

Cath - posted on 12/26/2009

10

26

2

A sudden change in behaviour may be linked to food intolerances. Maybe you might like to check out Sue Dengate's food intolerence network. You might find it helpful.

Good luck!

Shirda - posted on 12/25/2009

3

16

0

I have a 6 yr old daughter and what i wold say is to nip it in the bud now or believe it will escalade to the next level my daughter acts the same way and i talked to her and explain to her what i expect of her and how i think she should behave, and when she doent follow through on what we talked about i take something from her like her toys computer time , tv time and snacks until she changes her attitude so see if that works

Crystal - posted on 12/25/2009

1

17

0

Patience and time. Choose your battles wisely, and remind her that you are mom.

Bonnie - posted on 12/25/2009

1

7

0

Good luck with that one. Thats when they start and it doesnt get any better. Girls are tuff to raise im still struggling and she is 15 and its like a roller coaster everday. Some girls are easyier than other, but the push the limit everyday but i have just learned to go with the flow and that seems to help me keep my cool. Good luck i hope it goes better for u.

Karen - posted on 12/25/2009

12

2

0

Let her know right now that you will not tolerate her behavior. My daughter started when she was 6 and I blamed her dad. He would come and get her and that is when she would sass me. I talked to him and I told him what was going on and we talked to her and let her know that we would not tolerate her attitude and it stopped until she turned 17 and I just ignore her. especially when she wants to go somewhere. I would get an attitude with her just so she can see how it feels. I am pleased to say it works.

Lauren - posted on 12/25/2009

4

45

0

my 6yo has been through these phases. We pretend not to understand her, and ask her to try again in a different tone. Or, if she's being so sassy it's silly, we get silly right back at her, and it usually diffuses the situation quickly. Be mindful of any television or other media or outside influences she's being exposed to. She might be seeing something, and trying it out.

Jackie - posted on 12/25/2009

12

42

1

OMG! so did mine! it was like one night the devil possesed her!!!! you are not alone in this!!!! and im sure glad to know im not either!!!!!

Verena - posted on 12/25/2009

3

0

0

Hi, when my child did that it was because there was a kid at school who was bothering him, and it got to a point where he'd take his agressivity out on us instead of the bully whom he was afraid of. Double check this is not the cause!

Christina - posted on 12/25/2009

221

25

25

join the club. wait til they get into middle school. you have to let her know the rules. its the only thing you can do. dont back down from what you say either cuz if you do that just lets them know they can get away with anything. make sure dad is on the same page because when you have 2 parents with different rules that makes it harder. im dealing with that with my 6 year old. when he comes back from his dads on the weekends that he does i play hell getting him back tothe way i expect him to be. good luck

Lynne - posted on 12/25/2009

1

1

0

The good news is that your child is normal; she's doing exactly what she's supposed to be doing at this age. The bad news is that your child is normal; she's doing...:-)
I really like the "One, Two, Three Magic" method of discipline. I have friends who really like "Love and Logic". Just find what works for you and be consistent. You might need to give yourself a time out: tell your daughter you don't like her behavior and you're going to go to your room to think about how to handle it. Works for me, anyway. Good luck and remember the mantra "She's just doing her job, she's just doing her job."

Patricia - posted on 12/24/2009

4

0

0

Your child is testing the boundaries, so its really important you point out who is the parent and who is the child! It does work, take away some treats, but ride out the tanturms no matter how embarrassed you may be, it will pass.

Su - posted on 12/24/2009

6

6

1

Hi, My granddaughter is 5 and when she gets that attitude thing going, I remind her that it is not acceptable to sass or talk back to her grandma. If this doesn't work, I use the naught/time out chair. She is 5, so gets 5 minutes for time out. So far it has worked out for us. One time she was so naughty, she could not come to our house until she could apologize and showed she could control her attitude. Been great ever since. Best of luck and hang in there.

Heather - posted on 12/24/2009

34

29

3

My daughter was the same way....after she started school and she has not gone back to the way she was....I have just given her the chance to act it out and when it gets to be more than enough I tell her to out her attitude in her pocket and she stops for a while.....I want to say it will get better and it will to a point she is just testing her limits with you....just inforce your rules and you will be fine

Shannon - posted on 12/24/2009

99

8

42

My 3 year old acts like this too. I put her in time out or turn off the TV for 15-30min, maybe for you ,you should try taking her favorite toy away or video game away for the day. I agree shes pushing her limits and your the mom so you need to inforce the rules and im assuming shes in school maybe shes heard a classmate talk/act that way and shes seeing if she can get away with it at home.

[deleted account]

My son is 6 and acts like he's 16. When I asked the dr what the heck was going on he said that he is testing his limits and what he can get away with. lt gets hard some days and I'm still trying to figure out out to keep it under control.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms