My 5 year old grandson was sexually molested by 9 yr old girl -- Need advise

Monica - posted on 10/05/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

3

0

1

My now 5 year old grandson was sexually molested by 9 yr old girl of my daughters friend. My daughter caught them in the closet in the dark with his pants pulled down. He was 4. Since that time he has told her bits and pieces of what this little girl has done to him in the past. He is now attempting to do it to another child and has told a fellow classmate he has had "sex" with a girl. I have talked to him and so has his mother. I'm just furious! The other mom thinks nothing of it and the little girl doesn't think she has done anything wrong. When I see this kid walk by my grandson and wave it infuriates me to the point I want to go tell her to get and stay away from him! We don't know what to do about it and I really want to call the police. It makes me wonder if the same thing isn't happening to her by someone else. But mostly I am so hurt and angry for my grandson. Where do we turn?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 10/05/2014

8,146

7

919

Monica--

I have to say there are some red flags that I read in the other poster's response. 1) you do not let it go if a child a few years older is doing this sexual stuff with a younger child. It might not be the child's fault for doing things to the other one but this child frankly may have some emotional issues, has been abused herself sexually, or other things are going on. You do not let this issue go. You call the proper authorities about this be it CPS, police, or other agencies you might be able to get this investgated in your area. 2) You and your daughter need to speak to her son on a level of his understanding about sex and when it is done and not done. 3) Do not allow him around that girl anymore for no reason what so ever. If the mom asks why, tell her in no uncertain terms its because of the "sex" issue that has come to light. If she does brush it off again, I would call the police and Family services. Something is not right in this household and needs to be investigated. 4) Get your grandson to a counselor ASAP. He is going to carry this around with him the rest of his life no matter if he became afraid of this activity or if he did not.

This kind of activity coming out of a 9 year old child towards a 4 year old child is not a light one. I have heard of kids in this age range that got into this situation and the older child did get into trouble with the law. You need to takes steps to make sure that this little girl gets the help she needs or to pay the consequences, to get her mother investigated and maybe sent to parenting classes or to loose her child because of abuse going on and then therapy.

Prayer works wonders but you have to do the work to get the results. There is this saying "God helps those who help themselves." Prayer about something alone does not work by itself. It takes you to make the steps happen to get things fixed.

Dove - posted on 10/05/2014

12,402

0

1354

Both of the children in this situation desperately need professional help.

Yes, what she did was VERY wrong... but she is NINE. Way too old for it to be normal curiosity and exploration... so either she isn't being taught appropriate boundaries... or she as well has been molested. If this were me and the parents of both these children did not take it seriously from the very beginning... I would have had CPS and the police involved already to help these kids.

Ev - posted on 10/05/2014

8,146

7

919

" He will eventually forget the incident as time goes on. If she is not around then no memories will be triggered in his mind. He is still very young. Fill his time with things he enjoys doing. Everytime he mentions "sex" just try to explain to him again what that means at his age, and that you and him do not talk about those things."

I never said anything about you saying to let it go. But as the others said, it should not be let go. And the above quote almost says the same thing as "let it go". Regardless of how this effects the child, he is still going to need a counselor to help him through this. The girl is also going to need the same thing and if not just that more sorts of intervention from professionals. Yes, the children are young but they are not babies either.
And also another point to make where you say if she is not around then no memories will get triggered, I do not want to argue the point but it does not take the person to trigger a memory to surface; it can be anything at all. I am not a counselor or psychologist by any means, but I have had experiences in my life where certain things triggered a memory that had nothing to do with it. I also know people who have had triggers other than those that went with the memory and it surfaced.
As for the prayer, its a choice. Its not something everyone does but we can hope for the best for these people.
Also, I wasn't attacking your post but maybe I said some of the same things as you did but I did it more pointedly I guess and this is not something I would personally just kinda wait and see if the other parent does anything since it had so many red flags in the situation. Waiting only makes it worse.

This is respectfully posted.

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2014

3,562

36

3907

With all due respect Amber, you pretty much indicated that the boy would just forget if the OP kept him away from the little girl and prayed, and you indicated you would not call the authorities, but that was the choice of the OP. Evelyn was simply disagreeing with this viewpoint and giving advice that authorities should be called and adding that the child needs counselling.

As a mandatory reporter myself, this SHOULD be reported to child protection, as not only is the little boy needing proper counselling about the situation right now, that little girl is potentially a victim herself and that should also be investigated.

With regard to the prayer thing, whatever floats your boat. That one is a personal choice and belief. But it won't undo what happened.

Amber - posted on 10/05/2014

18

0

4

Let me just start by saying that I am so terribly sorry about the situation you are in. The world today is so full of awful things. Those awful things are so present now and to early introduced to children. All fault is placed on the little girls mother. When this happened she should have taken control of the situation instead of just blowing it off like it is not a big deal. But obviously she is not concerned that her daughter is acting inappropriately. The little girl has obviously been exposed to things to early and that is her parents fault. All children explore the sexuality, but it is up to the parents to explain what it is about and how far it goes. When her daughter ends up pregnant at 15 or 16, I'm sure the mother will wonder where she went wrong. The only recommendation I have is to talk to your grandson the best you can and explain things. Try to keep the little girl away from him. He will eventually forget the incident as time goes on. If she is not around then no memories will be triggered in his mind. He is still very young. Fill his time with things he enjoys doing. Everytime he mentions "sex" just try to explain to him again what that means at his age, and that you and him do not talk about those things. As for the little girl, try not to be upset with her, like I said before, its really not her fault. She, just as your son, are just babies and to little to understand or comprehend what they are did. They both just need to understand that it was wrong. They do understand the difference between right and wrong. Last, pray for them as much as possible. Pray for the mother as well. Pray that God comes in and takes control of the whole situation as well as protection over you and your family. I wish the best for all of you and God bless you
Amber King

12 Comments

View replies by

Deemack_1970 - posted on 02/07/2015

1

0

0

Monica, I completely sympathize. I was recently informed that the youngest little girl I babysit had been molesting my grandson for months.
Due to these allegations, told to me by her sibs, I gave my two weeks notice, have stopped having her at my place and have been seeking advice for myself.
I have contacted CPS and have had the situation documented. Next step is up to them..
pray much!

Amber - posted on 10/07/2014

18

0

4

When I wrote this post, I should have explained more thoroughly. I'm sorry to have snapped back at your post Evelyn. When I posted that I should have explained more in detail. I do not want anybody to forget about this until the matter has been completely resolved. I just meant that after the boy has been talked to and explained the situation then I would hope he would forget and be able to live a normal 5 year olds life. I do hope he is not affected or scarred at all by what happened. I just think that once it is resolved that they should direct the little boys mind on something other then all this, and let him be a 5 year old again. He has already had a piece of his innocence taken away. I do not believe that all this should be brought up again and again. That the little girl should be kept away again. There is also the point to be made that nobody saw what happened. They could have both instigated the situation. Or maybe he did and not the nine year old girl. Or maybe nothing really happened and they were about to do something. We never really no what happened . And to Jodi, I never said not to call the police. I said I would talk to the other parent first and then if nothing happened then I would call the police and ask them what I should do. I believe everyone who posts advice on this site really does care and want the best for everybody. Next time I'll remember to explain more thoroughly. I do not want anybody to think that by reading my post I thought this should be swept under the rug.

Dove - posted on 10/05/2014

12,402

0

1354

Absolutely do not 'sweep it under the rug' for your grandson as was basically the first advice. He NEEDS to be able to talk about it and heal from it... not just 'forget' it as that can cause life long sexual issues. He should be in counseling and feel free to talk about what happened to him whenever he wants and to be reassured that what happened to him was not ok, but the adults in his life are there to do everything they can to make sure it never happens again.. and will help him get through it.

And he is most likely starting to act it out because he needs help... same as the 9 year old girl did to him.

Sarah - posted on 10/05/2014

10,206

0

26

To assume this child will forget this incident in time is not true. We have the ability to recall memories from as early as 2 or 3 yo, especially memories linked with high emotional response. A simple example, but a positive one is; my son remember's his sister's first steps. He was just days shy of three yo, but remember's details about the event very clearly. No, it isn't a video he has seen or a story he has heard over and over either. It was pure coincidence that it came up at all, but the point is we can recall events from earlier than 4.
Anyway, if this happened to my child, I would call CPS and the police. If he tells a teacher or his doctor (who might ask if anyone has ever touched him) or other mandated reporter, they HAVE to call and you don't want to be explaining why you did not call. Fortunately, these kids are young and there time to help everyone involved heal and move forward toward healthy attitudes and behaviors.

Monica - posted on 10/05/2014

3

0

1

Thank you - and I also have to wonder if she is doing it to her little brother who is 5. I will show my daughter the responses so she will know where to turn to and I will tell the mom to keep her away from my grandson -- completely away. Thanks so much for the input. I was really just unsure of what to do next.

Amber - posted on 10/05/2014

18

0

4

Evelyn,
I would like to know where in my post I said to simply " let things go". You also told her to do everything that I mentioned. And as for prayer. Prayer goes alot further than you obviously could ever imagine. God does help those who help themselves, but he also helps people who can not. God also says to pray for those people who have wronged you. That's when real miracles happen. And that's what I hope happens in this situation. They only person I hope that will ever let "this situation go" would be the 5 year old boy who was exposed to this nonsense. It amazes me how individuals cannot just focus on the people who are in need for advice and instead decide to combat with someone else post, especially when they repost exactly what the other was saying. So let me clarify one more time. This is not a situation to be taken lightly, and I do not believe anything pertaining to this situation should be let go.
thank you and I hope your day is blessed as well.

Amber - posted on 10/05/2014

18

0

4

Also, if you want to call the police that is up to you. I would pray about that and see what conclusion you come to. If it were me, before I did, I would talk with the girls mother again. I would tell her how much this has upset you and your family. What an impact it has made on your grandson. If she still chooses to do nothing about it, I would call the police and see what they tell you. I understand on where you are coming from when you are concerned about other children she could affect too. The little girl definitely need to be corrected somehow. If her mother does not step up and take responsibility for this, then other measures may need to be taken.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms