My 5 year old is majorly misbehaving in kindergarten HELP!!!

Summer - posted on 08/11/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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This is my son's first time in school ever, straight to kindergarten. I slightly regret not sending him to preschool or even pre-k before hand, but only because of the lack of social interaction he could have gotten. He is very smart, can spell and write his name along with other words. He knows more shapes than most kids in his class (20 other some kids something they are trying to fix) and is on the verge of reading. But his behavior has always been a bit of a challenge. Here at home he listens pretty well, picks up toys when asked, argues but not for along about dinner before dessert, he does not hit or bite or sctratch, he has stopped throwing himself on the ground finally understanding it won't give him his way and that he is also to old for that. Away from home is a bit different, though this past year has been improvement with him. He likes to run away a lot as if he WANTS to be chased, and giggles a lot even though we are telling him to come back, hold our hand, or just plain stop. This was while we were out eating at a buffett. He likes to climb under the table, and if he were to get out I know he'd run off laughing.. All of this has improved a lot this past year, but we are beggining to see it again now that he is in school and this is how i imagine him acting in school also. The school has been amazing with him. Has tried SO many different methods, are so kind and patient, and today told me I don't need to apologize and that even after everything want to keep trying!! Day 5 though and here's the school reports I have gotten since day 1. He hit his teachers!! Tried running out of the building first day, now just runs from teachers around class room, he won't sit and stay still in his seat, climbs under tables laughing like its a game, crying and literally saying whah like he is a baby, scratched his teacher one day!! He knocked over chairs when he was in the office, knocked off one teacher's glasses, and literally refused to come off the playground when recess was over my fiance had to go up there (I thought sending dad would be more effective) but he still didn't want to listen.. The running and laughing and not staying in his seat don't surprise me, but the rest does. We expected some calls but nothing like this. The hitting and scratching is not like him. And knocking over chairs, and breaking his craynos and throwing all the magnets off the teacher's board is surprising to us too! He had to come home early once, has been in the office multiple times, and had a full day out of class with another teacher which was a little better he at least sat in his chair, but was still difficult. Took recess away one day. He has always been a big boy at home and is a huge help with his 1 year old sister. Is so loving to her and shares well. The principal said he plays well with the other kids though. My fiancé and I have always been stirn with him, we have spanked him only when necessary, we tried time outs, we do groundings, and take away certain privlages like sweets or TV time. But we also reward him when he does good. We have met and plan to meet again with his principle. We want to give him time to adjust and to keep trying but a week in and he hasn't showed much improvement. Here at home I took all his toys TV time and no sweets he goes to bed earlier now. He understands why. And I know he knows what he is doing is wrong. The day I went to the principle's office he was doing that laaughing giggling thing on the floor in front of principle's desk. As soon as I walked in his face went straight and he got up and sat in the chair with a pouty face. I know part of it is testing his boundaries and seeing how he much he can get away with. When I ask him what happened today, he tells me. And when I ask why, he either don't say anything, or it's a very small excuse. I told him when he starts being good in school he can have his toys back, and I thought today since I had no calls from the school for once that it was a good day..but he was crying and trying to run from me and teachers soon as he came out of the doors and threw himself to the ground, because he was ready to leave but I was talking to his teacher. My fiancé and I have descussed getting him evaluated for ADHD, but want to give him a chance first. And we don't agree with medication. He is only 5. I really believe he can do this, but we have hit a wall...we are going to talk to the principal about a one on one program at school from 9-230. He has mentioned it before but wants what we think is his best interest. We want to give him a good chance but feel like a week in there should be SOME improvement. Needing suggestions, ideas, opinions, experiences, ANYTHING that could be helpful please!?

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Stephanie - posted on 08/12/2016

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Hi Summer,
I almost lost it when I read ADHD and possibly testing your son. When my son was going into 1st grade we ended up homeschooling him. The next year the principal would not place him into 2nd grade because he was behind on his reading skills. We start another year of 1st grade and a couple months into the school year nothing was changing. We had some testing done...they wanted to label him ADHD too, but bottom line is they want to put all our children in a box these days and have no clue how to handle them and redirect the behaviors. Long story short we got to the bottom of his learning issues....figured out how he learned best and he has been fine ever since. I also visited his diet and some food that I believe were making his behaviors amplified unfortunately. I would love to share what we added to his diet that helped him if you are open. You can send me a message if you wish. He's 17 now and still doing fine. He's never sick and this is so uncommon these days with our children once they enter school. I think you are on the right track and I will be praying for your little guy!
Stephanie

Kvolm2016 - posted on 08/19/2016

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Having been a Kdgn teacher for 14 years I would suggest that you and his teacher decide on 1 behavior that you want to focus on first. Then the 2 of you come up with a definition of what that behavior should look like in a classroom environment and also come up with a plan for how this behavior will be positively rewarded both at school and at home. The more unity that there is between parent and teacher the easier it is for the child to learn how to behave appropriately. Once this first behavior is mastered then you pick the second one to work on. Sometimes you will spend just a few days on a specific behavior and sometimes it will take weeks/months but the focus needs to remain on 1 thing at a time. Hope this helps :)

Sarah - posted on 08/12/2016

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Best of luck to you. Keep seeking out help and answers. You have a great school...keep working with them. I would do some evaluations too. Maybe there are some sensory issues going on that he is reacting too. Does not excuse the behavior, but might give insight on how to deal with it and go forward. DON'T SELF DIAGNOSE, but if there are sensory issues going on Karyn Purvis has some GREAT ways of working with that.

Sarah - posted on 08/11/2016

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My thoughts is this is not ADHD, but more behavioral. The hitting and disrespect is more of a behavioral issue. It might be a good idea for an evaluation as maybe there are other things going on. That is really good the school is working with you. The one on one would be a good program for him. I would suggest doing that and then depending on how the year goes repeating kindergarten.

A good book and/or dvd's for you might be The Connected Child (book) by Karyn Purvis....also has dvds. It would be a useful tool to deal with his behavior.

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Summer - posted on 08/16/2016

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Stephanie I can not agree more with you, I was so prepared when he started kindergarten I was sure that they were going to want to put him in certain classes, and exactly as you said it, I think most of them don't want to have to work with the kids who are a little more difficult and instead want to send them off to another classroom. I am so lucky though that his school has changed my mind about him having ADHD, and that they WANT to try to keep helping him get to where he needs to be. They have been trying everything and finally week 2 and he STILL wants to run out of the class, does not want to sit down, and is having a hard time transitioning from learning, to recess, back to learning mode. I definitely believe that someones diet can affect their behaviors, especially in young ones. So yes, I would love to know more about what has helped with your son! My son scored in the top 20% of his class yesterday, I know he is smart and I know that he can do this, he just won't listen! Thanks so so much for the help!!

Summer - posted on 08/12/2016

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Thank you so much!! Today was not perfect, but he did better. Didn't hit and they made a book with pictures of him doing things such as walking down the hallway, playing nice with others, sitting at his desk working (coloring, writing), sitting on the rug with all the other kids listening to his teacher. They said he seemed to respond good with the book and that he loved making it and followed instructions well. He is still running away a lot though. Ran outside once, and still broke crayons and swiped off papers from a table. Compared to the last five days this was his best. So I definitely let him know how he did good and rewarded him with a couple hours of TV. But still letting him know he is still grounded and can do better. No toys and very little TV time until he stops running and breaking things. He said he will try harder next time, I was proud to here that :) I just keep telling him I know he can do it and I want him to show the teachers he is a good boy. That is for all the advice its been a hard past week, but one day at a time.

Summer - posted on 08/11/2016

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Thank you so much for your reply. My fiance and I feel the same way, that almost all of it, if not all of it, is just him misbehaving. We have tried so be so much stricter with him here at home, it breaks my heart but I am just trying to help him. Thank you for the book/dvd ideas I will definitely be looking into those!! His behavior at school is surprising to us, he does not any where this bad at home, another reason we don't think it is ADHD. Again thank you!!

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