My 5 year old needs confidence to stick up for himself! Help!!!!!!!

Morgan - posted on 09/17/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I’m a single mom (have been since day one) with a 5 year old son who just started Kindergarten 3 weeks ago. He was in one of the better daycares starting at 2. He's no stranger to a school setting. His personality is very passive, intervenes when 2 people are arguing and tells them to stop, and lets people push him around. He doesn't like fighting or hitting. I often asked him why he doesn’t tell teachers when a classmate has hit him – and he says because he doesn’t want to get his friends into trouble. I tried to express the importance of telling a teacher. Though I wasn’t worried as the daycare class of 16 had 2 teachers – and I was in good communication with them.

Now that he’s in kindergarten the intensity has turned up. Getting him to tell me anything bad is like pulling teeth but I got him to tell me that his new little buddy, that sits next to him in class and on the bus to the after school program, is mean to him. But not just saying mean things or even hitting, but he chokes my son and puts him in headlocks. These are 5 year olds. My poor son thinks this boy is his friend, it breaks my heart. I’ve notified his teacher, the director of transportation and the after school program. The teacher admitted she noticed this other boy putting his face to close to my sons and grabbing his arms in an “excited” way. She talked to the other boy’s mother. She said she would move his seat in class and she did. I had the transportation director change his seat on the bus. But I don’t feel like this solves the problem.

Yesterday when my son was explaining how this other boy put his hands around his neck he said, “It didn't really hurt so I didn't really mind.” I tried explaining to him that it’s NEVER ok for another person to put their hands on him. That friends don’t treat each other that way. I asked him if he sees other boys and girls doing this to each other, and he said no. I’m trying to put things into perspective, explain that this is not OK, and that he needs to tell a teacher when this happens, but he doesn't seem to be getting it. What else can I do?!?

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Dove - posted on 09/17/2014

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Also... it sounds like more effort needs to be made on the school's part to deal w/ this child and keep him away from your son.

Dove - posted on 09/17/2014

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Help him tell the teacher. My son didn't want to tell the teacher when a little girl was being a mega brat to him last year (also in K), so I went w/ him to the teacher and spoke to her enough so that she knew to prompt my son to continue the conversation. The teacher should be talking with both of you and encouraging your son to come to her if there are any problems... and checking in w/ him periodically to make sure things are ok.

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