Emily - posted on 02/11/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )
From the time my son could talk and make sense of telling the truth as opposed to a lie, I have explained to him how important it is to tell the truth. Now, within the past 3-4 months he has been lying multiple times throughout the day. Lying anywhere from putting a toy away or eating his food to lying at school and ending up in the principals office (I haven't been able to talk with the teacher yet, but its something about playing with blocks and he said he didn't, I think he didn't put them away...) When I spoke with him about going to the principal, he insisted he was not playing with the blocks and he told me the principal said he would kick him out of school if he lied again. I understand the need of him going to the office if he is lying in class, but I was pretty taken aback that the principal would tell a just 5 year old (his bday was January 18th) that one more time and he would be kicked out. So I began an email to the principal to set an appointment so we could talk about what happened and I wanted to confront him with my didn't rn of telling such a young child that they would be kicked out of school when he had never been in the office prior to this occasion. As I was emailing him, my son asked what I was doing. My son then begged me not to say anything about being kicked out. This raised my curiosity and I asked if the principal really said that and my son said no, he didnt (I had asked him many times over the weekend what exactly the principal had said to him...even asking "are you SURE he said he would kick you out of school". My son then told me he was sorry..I asked him what the definition of sorry is (something I have done pretty much everytime he says sorry after timeout), after he told me the definition, I told him he wasn't sorry because he keeps lying. I also explained that when he lies, it hurts me inside and makes me not believe him. It hurts me to tell him things like this, but I am hoping that if he knows it hurts me, he might stop...
I have done all that I know what to do. I have began putting him in his room where he has to stay on his bed for his timeout (there are no toys or t.v. in his room, he has a playroom), I have taken toys away, taken t.v. and games away and I continually talk to him about lying. In the past, he has lied about being sick at school & came home. When this one happened I told him the story of the boy who cried wolf and he had to lay down and couldn't play for the rest of the day. He kept asking if school was over and when I'd say no, he'd tell me ok, he still didn't feel good so one of the times I said yes and he said he could tell because his tummy felt better...school wasn't really over and I replied with school wasn't really over and I could take him back if he feels better. I also talked to him about how I lied to him and how did it make him feel.?. This last one with the principal really hurt me inside though. I am at whits end. Should I take him to a counselor? Is that something they could help with? Is something going on in his world that is making him think he has to lie?
Another thing I have recently noticed over the weekend is he is begining to show signs of bullying, and that is definately NOT ok!!!!! We were at a friends child's birthday party and he was picking on a little boy the entire time. I began really watching him and following him around at a distance that he did not notice & he was not letting this boy in the playhouses, jumping on him in the bounce house and then when he got into trouble for that, I heard him tell the boy, "I'm watching you." To me, that was a threat to try to scare or intimidate the boy, and this boy was a good 2 years older than my son. We ended up leaving early because of his behavior.
My son was not raised to be like this. Both my husband and I, and the rest of my family are very loving towards him. I talk with him about whatever he wants to talk about every night in bed, trying to keep communication completely open with him. In these conversations I always throw in subjects like showing respect, lying and even about his private parts and how no one should touch them except him or mommy and daddy if we are bathing him or wiping him after he goes potty... He's very loving, always telling us he loves us, giving hugs and kisses throughout the day. In the past 3 months, he has began throwing temper tantrums and screaming when he doesn't get what he wants. He has also become very very attached to me. Some days when I drop him off at school he cries and some of those times the teacher has to hold him while he tries to get away and beg me to let him come to work with me. He now says he doesn't like school and cries to stay home There is nothing significant that has changed in his life...or, nothing except for starting school in September (he had previously been in preschool roughly the same hours). He started an early school program for kids that were too young to start kindergarten. Its called transitional kindergarten and they go to school the full day like the other grades, but he did not have a problem with going to school and me leaving him until a few months ago.
I know this is a lot of information and a lot of different behavioral problems and after writing it out, it really worries me that all of these negative problems would point to something specific. I would really appreciate any suggestions. Please let me know if these problems sound like something a child counselor or psychologist could help with. He has always been such a well mannered child and things have changed so suddenly that it has left me not knowing which way to turn for help...please help!!!!!