My 6 year old needs constant attention and New Baby !!

Sasha - posted on 03/15/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hey moms! I'm new to the site but I have some burning questions regarding my 6 year old son. I have a 6 year old son and a 2 month old son. I love being their mother. My husband works, and I am a stay at home mom. My days are filled with doing things for my children and taking care of home. I play with my 6 year old and watch movies with him often, we are very close and affectionate. I have a 2 month old that I am breastfeeding and our bond is stronger than ever! he cry for me constantly. My issue is that when my attention is not on my 6 year old for just 10 minutes or so, he starts acting out to get attention. For example, he will make loud noises with his toys while looking at me, he will interrupt conversations that I have with my husband, and if I am talking to the baby for one minute, he will add something (trying extremely hard) He is a smart, funny and loving child but at times he can be manipulative (says what he think I want to hear to get his way), he can be pushy (he will respond negatively when he doesn't get his way) He talks about himself saying all the things that he can do (Daddy and I give him a lot of praise and positive attention) I love my son but is draining that he needs constant attention, he also lies a lot! I get really sad when he tells lies. How can I give him attention without draining myself?! Am I doing something wrong? He has been the only child for 6 years, and he even behaved this way before a new baby! He was the child that received all the visits, gifts, and received a lot of attention from relatives. My new baby only has me and Dad to give him attention.

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Sarah - posted on 03/15/2015

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It is an adjustment. You have to allow him to adjust, but at the same time you need to discipline his negative behavior. The rules did not change when baby came. He should still be praised for positive behavior and disciplined for negative behavior. Set those boundaries. Know that for awhile they will be tested as he adjusts to the new changes, but that if you stick to it things will settle down.

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Sasha - posted on 03/15/2015

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Thank you! Yeah I let him make noise and play, and I understand he should not have to limit his play. He will do really obnoxious, destructive things just to get attention, like bang his car on the floor really hard, its like he want attention rather than
just having fun" He will yell loudly on purpose sometimes. I hate his coloring time or drawing. He race really fast to make me something or draw a picture and say look mommy look! He know that I will praise his pictures, but I wish that he would just play to have fun rather than trying to use play as a way to keep my attention on him. I never ignore him, but sometimes I have to say I'm busy just to get a break from him. He is very clingy to me, if we go somewhere like to the market he will cling very closely, not giving me any space to shop! One time he cried all the way home from school because I refused to hold his hand (except for in the streets) I refused because he tried to demand hand holding, and I told him to ask nicely. Time outs really do work for him, but I think I was exhausted having to discipline and deal with his tantrums everyday, but I think I will just have to suck it up and stay consistent!

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2015

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Time outs work well. You need to be consistent and follow through. When he does not listen it is 1 warning and then a time out for 3 mins. Time outs should be a spot away from people, toys, tv, etc. You put him in time out and BRIEFLY explain why....you are in time out for not listening. Then he must sit in that spot for 3 mins. If he gets up before then then you put him back (saying nothing) and time starts over. Some kids will sit for 3 mins right away others need 3 hours before they get the point that every time they get up time starts over. While he is in time out you DO NOT talk to him AT ALL! No matter what he says. If he throws a tantrum oh well let him throw it and walk away. Once he realizes you don't care then he will stop. On the flip side.......you can't have him tip toeing around the house just so baby does not wake up. He has to be able to play. Baby will sleep through noise. Put a sound machine in baby's room that plays white noise.....this will help drown out any sudden noises or loud noises. If you are able to when baby naps go outside and play with the 3 yr old. This is a great way to get out that energy without disturbing baby.

Sasha - posted on 03/15/2015

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I agree. At one point he was getting in trouble at school every day, but at home he was an angel, but now he is an angel at school and is difficult at home. I try not to give too much negative attention, but he doesn't listen to me sometimes. He will break house rules and just says "oops sorry" I think he does whatever he wants, and just doesn't care. How do I discipline small things like not listening when I say no running in the house or I'll say "stop" when he is playing with his toys wrong and makes annoying, loud sounds that will wake up the baby. He will look me dead in the eyes, make the sound one more time and then stop. I took the toy away, and said he can continue to play, and tried not to make a big deal, he started to cry, but I think my calmness avoided the tantrum. I am a very loving mom, but I feel like I have to be tough with him because he will just try and walk all over me. I am exhausted

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