My 7 year old is telling her guidance counselor at school..

Brandy - posted on 02/02/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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This may be an odd post but I am not sure where else to look for advice so I am hoping this helps :) I have a 7 year old little girl and she is my world. Me and my fiance have different opinions on discipline. I would rather take the softer approach and do the time out chair, take away her electronics, no TV, etc.. and he is more old fashion and says after the 3rd or 4th time, she needs to get a spanking and sent to her room. I have got defensive for so long,when he did actually follow through with the spanking, she doesn't show me much respect but she is a mommy's girl big time and very over protective of her mommy. I am now working on following through whenever she does something wrong...she is a little hyper so it's constant calling her name. Over the weekend, me and her father had an argument. She did not see us arguing but did hear it. I thought she was asleep but apparently note. It was nothing physical and never has been, just simply an argument. Today, I get a call from the CPS stating they needed to see me and my home and talk to us and then talk to my daughter alone. I asked my daughter if she had talked to her guidance counselor and she said she did because the counselor keeps taking her out of the classroom and asking about our home life. She stated that she told her about her daddy and I having an argument over the weekend. A few weeks back, I got a call that a little girl was being bullied by my daughter, the teacher called me and wanted to "let me know" that she was sending a behavior report home and she would have to "alter" it a little. Of course I read it and it was stating that my daughter never listens and bullies this little girl every day, saying that she has hit the girl on numerous occasions and also has yelled in her face with inappropriate comments ( which never has been told to me) and then in the meantime, my daughter says the little girl is bullying her first that is why she takes up for herself. I refused to sign the document and was not going to allow that to be put on my daughters school record if it does it this young. I can see where her being hyper can annoy the teachers but I felt like it went a little far when I did not get any call or even a request for a meeting to confirm or deny any suspicions. Can anyone offer me any advice on my rights as a parent in North Carolina so I can make sure my daughter is protected as well? I already feel like my character is defamed somewhat because of CPS being called. My family owns a local business and we know the school personnel very well. Even have a few of the office workers as my neighbors. Am I over reacting or just feel betrayed maybe because I feel like they could have asked me about what happened before assuming something did? I also apologize for writing such a long post, just wasn't sure how to put it.

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Raye - posted on 02/03/2016

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CPs will conduct their investigation and should let you know what steps you should take to remedy what they feel needs improvement. if the counselor has been making a habit of pulling her out of class, obviously they have felt for some time that there's something with your daughter that warrants attention.

As far as you and your fiancé, you need to both be on the same page with discipline, but it's YOUR child and ultimately YOU have the final say. You should have consistency with consequences when rules are broken. Whatever the punishment is, you should quickly and firmly enact the punishment EVERY TIME the rule is broken and let the child know bad behavior isn't tolerated. She will push her boundaries, but with time and effort she's catch on that you are in charge.

As far as the bullying, you need to make sure she's not the one starting it, and then you need to teach her if someone else is bullying her to get an adult involved right away. If the bully is not hurting her physically, then she should probably just ignore it and try to walk away, then let a teacher know that the person was bullying. If the bullying is physical, then she needs to go to the principal's office (or school nurse if she needs medical attention) and report it.

Dove - posted on 02/03/2016

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You said she called and said that she had to change the report though.

If you daughter actually HAS done these behaviors... there is a problem that needs addressed. It really doesn't matter if the other child bullied her first.. bullying back is not an appropriate way to handle the situation. Did you call the school to set up a meeting to discuss the issue?

And if the school suspects neglect or abuse... they legally (anywhere) do not have to inform the parents of their suspicions before contacting CPS.

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Brandy - posted on 02/03/2016

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I don't agree with the altered report. I made them aware that I was not going to sign the report due to discrepancies between what the teacher called and told me versus what the report said when I received it. I don't feel like I was ignoring the situation at hand. Thank you for your advice.

Dove - posted on 02/03/2016

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It sounds like there are some issues that your family could benefit from additional resources over and that is likely why the school has involved CPS.

Your daughter is acting out for some reason.. and when the school tried to address it w/ you it seems as if you ignored the situation yourself (by not signing that you received a notice).

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