My 9 year old daughter, is acting out, stealing, lying, fighting? ???

Gina - posted on 09/19/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm at my wits end, I took guardianship over my niece and nephew at the time 4 and 5 years old. These were my brothers children, my brother being in prison for the next 20 years for various crimes stemming from drug abuse, the mother on 10 years parole/probation for the same type of crimes. Anyhow that's the background. My nephew has excelled in academics and for the most part a normal 8 year old boy. Now my niece who is now 9 soon to be 10 in April has given me the hardest time the last 2 years. From stealing from stores, lying physically hurting other children, at a visit with grandma she ran away, screaming at the top of her lungs saying why does everyone hate her and want to hurt her. I never experienced that until now. She had told my mom that she was going to keep acting up until she gets to go back with her parents (that will never happen) yes, I dicipline her, by putting her in the corner, sending her to her room, extra chores one time I even had her write sentences. We have never ever layer a physical hand on her. Yesterday I received a call from the daycare that she had pulled another child's hair so hard it hurt that child's head and then pulled a chair out from under this child. It was witnessed by the adult caretaker, when she pulled my niece aside, she denied it to the fullest with tears and all, but since it wasn't a story it was a witnessed action the caretaker told her she was getting a write up. My niece didn't like that, so she went out the front door and ran away. The police was called, and she was quickly recovered, however not before she had a story to tell the officers. She told them she was beat at home, and she hates it. Of course with serious allegations they had to investigate, 100% understandable, to many children really abused. Anyhow, after interviewing the daycare provider and her brother along with myself it was determined that she was indeed lying. The officers were somewhat helpful, but basically said that she needs help before she's older. I agree 100%, but I have no idea where to start. She is 9 doing things a troubled teenager does. On top of lying,stealing and hurting others she's also been caught with skimpy cloths that she says she got from a friend under the cloths I purchased and then strips down when she gets to school?? Really. Now I make her get her clothes out for school the night before, and I inspect her and her backpack for anything she's not supposed to have. I could go on and on, but I think most people reading this would get the picture. I'm afraid her actions might rub off on her brother, I'm afraid she's going to get hurt, maybe jailed I don't know what to do.

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Denise - posted on 09/24/2015

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Parenting is hard enough even in the best of circumstances; it consists or great joys as well as, great challenges. It is obvious that your situation is presenting even greater challenges.
Both of these children have come to you probably bearing many hidden pains and burdens. Their age and personality, the impact of their past, and mental and emotional maturity (at the time they lived with their parents) will play a great part in how they cope and continue to develop. These things can also affect how they respond to discipline and often require a different approach.
It might not hurt to get professional help for both of them. Someone who is trained to deal specifically with children can draw out their inner thoughts and conflicts. Then a good family therapist would be beneficial so that you as a parent will gain wisdom and support, will be aided in a game plan to aid you in helping your niece and nephew, and will have the tools needed to help the children grow up healthy and victorious.
Before hiring a counselor though, check them out thoroughly. Check not only thier rating and track record, but find out about their worldview. To best help your family, their beliefs should line up with yours, so that their are no conflicts in counseling sessions. Also, it would be beneficial to find a support group (maybe through a church) where like-minded people can help you and the kids move forward and be happy and successful.

I would like, also, to leave you with this link. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parentin...
This site has many helpful articles for families and I think this one is specific to your situation

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