My 9 year old son has the attitude of a teenager and he's driving me nuts with his constant back chat. I've tried taking his favourite things away for a short period of time but this doesn't seem to work. I'm now atthe end of my tether with him!!! Please help!!!!!

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Dani - posted on 02/03/2009

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Give the boy 10-20 one dollar bills that he can keep in his room (hidden from his company of friends). Tell him he can't spend it until the end of the week or 10 days-whatever works for you. Every time he disrespects you verbally, tell him to bring you one dollar. I am sure he'll be out of money by the 2nd day. Then Start over the next week. Have small converstation w/him and ask him what kind of punishment he hates, then give him that (if it's not cruel/illegal). Another one is, make him write sentences.

Carina - posted on 02/03/2009

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I can relate to your struggle. Being a single mom of four BOYS has definately lead me to nip that area rather quickly. I use positive reinforcement when they are respectful.....if they back talk..i give ONE warning...after that..they get baby food. The chicken or beef baby meat...is absolutely disgusting (but non-toxic) ;) Trust me...one time with baby meat in his mouth is all it will take.

Zoe - posted on 02/04/2009

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Hi. My son is the same. He started being a pain when he was 9, and it got worse to the point that he was hitting out at me. He is 11 now and big for his age. He towers over me, and can be stronger than me. I knew my little boy was in there somewhere, and didnt know how to get him back. We tried all the punishments we could think of, and he wasnt bothered by anything we did. It got to the point that I was starting to get afraid of him getting in a mood, until one day he hit out at me and hurt my finger. There was blood everywhere, and he was so upset that he hurt me that bad, he hasnt done it since. That was 4 months ago, and although he isnt there yet, his attitude is so much better. My boy had to get to the point where he could see what his attitude and bad temper was doing to the rest of his family, and he could see how it affected us all. He needed that to help a change. Have you tried sitting your child down and explaining how it affects you and the rest of the family. Asking their opinions, and trying to get them to explain what is on their minds when they bahave badly can lead to some other issues they dont know how to express properly. I know Im only coming from my experience, but I hope it is a little helpful. Good luck. Keep holding on. They are still in there somewhere among the hormones.

[deleted account]

I have a nine year old too and when he mouths off, and he does, I look at a few things. First, however, I tell him he had better watch his mouth and if the behaviour continues he will lose his privileges and if that doesn't work, I send him to his room sans ANYTHING AT ALL. When I have the immediate behaviour under control, I think about if he is tired or hungry. Either of these can trigger the worst behaviour in my son and if the two happen simultaneously, I can forget about it. Then I try to determine what if anything has happened at school or afterschool or with a friend, etc. Then, because I like to look at the entire picture, I look at myself. I check myself to make certain that there isn't anything going on in my life that has caused me to be short with him or not give him my attention when he needed it. I address all these issues and if none of them work... I kick his butt! If addressing none of these issues works then I chalk it up to being a phase or a period he needed to go through, but I keep drilling in him that he is not an adult and he will not speak to me that way, etc. and I punish him. The behaviour may continue but I have faith that eventually it will all sink in.

Cherie - posted on 02/03/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

My 9 year old son has the attitude of a teenager and he's driving me nuts with his constant back chat. I've tried taking his favourite things away for a short period of time but this doesn't seem to work. I'm now atthe end of my tether with him!!! Please help!!!!!




My son goes through periods of the same thing, he is 12 now, and we have done the grounding, taking away all privelages, not just one thing (if he gets grounded it is no computer, tv, Wii, or Nintendo DS, or telephone) I refuse to talk to him when he talks like that and that gets the point across pretty well. I tell him to go to his room and when he can be respectful, he can come out and talk to me. I think because we try to give our children respect, that they somehow think that they are our equals and can talk to us the same way we talk to them. I tell my son he is the child and I am the parent and I get to make the rules. He is NOT allowed to talk to me that way and if he continues to do so the consequences will be a loss of privelages as well as time in his room. My son has missed out on family movie night while the rest of us are sitting around the tv with popcorn, and that was very effective. A little soap in the mouth never hurt anyone either! Good luck!

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User - posted on 05/20/2013

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This article was quite interesting. My 13 year old Son has been having some horrible issues all year, with a Reading teacher. I've begged the school for help. My Son has a weakness in Reading, not a disability. He just needs a little extra help. Well instead of help, he's received unfair punishments. The teacher actually told me she does not have to like my Son, she just has to teach him. Unfortunately, she did not teach him. She refused him work for the past five months. She's denied him the ability to check out a library book for the last five months. This was confirmed by the school librarian. Also when we asked her about the work, she said he won't do it anyway. So much more unfair treatment. Now it's the end of the year. My Sons been under doctors care, due to all the stress he's been going through at school. It's hard enough to be thirteen, let alone have unecessary harassment from an over powered Tenured teacher. To make everything even worse, the Principal called him into a meeting last week to Let him know he has to serve mandatory summer school. This would be justifiable if he had the opportunity to excel, given the extra help & library access he needed. Now that he was denied a proper education, this year. All because of a teacher who decided she didn't feel that she had to help him, since he wasn't able to keep up. It's outrageous, especially since I've been literally begging the school to take my Son out of this class & told that wasn't going to happen. My Son voiced his much held back feelings during the summer school meeting. He told the Principal, that it wasn't fair! I totally Agree! It's not fair! He could not concentrate most of the day after being in three classes with this teacher everyday. Well the Principal, disagreed. He told him it didn't matter, he will be serving summer school. He also told my husband & I if he misses any days during this mandatory summer school, he would have him repeat the year. I just have to wonder, is this the legal way to consider a student for the "No Child Left Behind"???? I think Not! If my Son was failing because of his neglect, but it's not. I have documented proof & reliable witnesses to prove the Teacher denied him a proper education & bullied him all year. This has affected his health, grades, personality, and whole perception of school this year. He didn't fail, the teacher & school failed! The last statement my Son made during that meeting was that he was tired of not being treated right. He's tired of being ignored and having no one at school listen to him. Every time this teacher felt as though my Son was not listening or following directions, she would send him to the office. My Son told the principal that he was tired of being treated like a dog. He was emotionally stressed and totally crushed. He tried to leave the meeting, by the way it was over. The principal had eight other boys in the meeting, who he dismissed back to class. He kept my Son longer to discuss the situation. He began to get louder & was yelling at him in his face. So my Son was in fear at this point & tried to leave the meeting. He grabbed my Son by the arm as he was walking out. My Son told him not to touch him. He than grabbed my Sons other arm & restrained him by holding both arms behind him as if was a criminal being arrested or detained by a police officer. The Asst Principal had to tell the Principal to take his hands off of my Son. He wouldn't let go of him, so the Asst Principal had to pull my Away from the Principal. He hurried my Son into his office. The principal was so angry, he told my Son to go his locker and collect his belongings. He was sending him home. He called my husband and I to come pick him up. When we got there we found my Son sitting with other students in the entrance area of the office, he'd been crying and he had all his belongings. The Principal told and I that he was sending our Son home for the remainder of the Year. 10 days left. He admitted that he got angry when our Son said it wasn't fair, tired of being treated like a dog. He admitted grabbing & restraining our Son when he tried to leave the office to go back to class. Because his shirt wasn't tucked in and he wasn't finished talking to him. He said you get respect when it's given. Wow! He tried to justify the assault by saying he could have ran out of the school and or hurt someone or himself because he was So upset. If this were the case & he thought he was in danger or anyone else.... Why have him go up and clean out his locker, other students are all in the building as well as staff & teachers???. Why have him sit with other students in the front of the office, near the exit??? All after he assaulted him & contacted my husband & I to pick him up. This makes No sense!!! My Son was trying to go back to class because he was already Affraid of the principal. He'd been yelling and spit was getting in my Sons face. He was trying to get away from the principal. This principal had No justifiable reason to put his hands on My Son! My Son has not been diagnosed or treated for anger issues. Even after they insisted he speak to the school social worker in the begining of the year because they felt he was possibly under stress. Stress because I have been fighting breast cancer & he's talked to the asst principal about how he worries about me. My Son has never attacked anyone. He's never harmed himself or anyone else. Even when he was being restrained, by the principal he did not try to stike at him. He did tell him to take his hands off of him and let him go. We as his parents have never layed a hand on him or any of our children. It's totally outrageous! Well due to this situation, the principal kicked him out of school for the remainder of 10 days. He advised we do not enroll him back next year. Even though weeks prior to this incedent, after being told by the Reading teacher that if he don't start doing things her way.... She would make his like miserable. It's strange that a police officer was sent out to our house, to do a random residency check. They said they did a National Residency check & that it came back showing that We do not live within the district. We had to go into the school with verification & documentation to priove that in fact we are in district 83. It's just another way to harass and make life miserable! Lastly, the principal suggested we enroll our Son in a behavior school. We are totally outraged with this situation. I've gone up the chain of command. I've contacted our attorney. This incedent should have never happened! The principal should have contacted my husband & I to attend a mandatory summer school meeting. Then if he thought for any reason my Son was a danger he should have contacted my husband & I. Or if it was as extreme as he made it, he should have contacted the local police, to detain him until we could get there & pick him up. No, instead he was assaulted, made to go up & clean out his belongings, and sit in the office while waiting for my husband & I to get there to pick him up. This goes back & confirms what I've been telling the school all year. I know my Son. He has no reason to lie to us about the teacher bullying him and mistreating him. He should have been taken out of that teachers class as soon as I requested. This would have given him the opportunity to excel & succeed this year. Instead he was bullied, segregated, belittled, embarrassed, harassed, assaulted, Punished over & over again, and denied the right to a proper education. I'll say it again & again, my Son did not fail, the Reading teacher with Tenure & the school failed! As a parent I have to protect my child. If I don't, who will????? There are hundreds & thousands of complaints for the same situation in schools. Though you don't hear about it usually. All because the schools like to sweep everything under the carpet. The principal actually told me that he has to stand by his teachers. I said it then and I'll say it now, I have to stand by my Son!!! It's is time for legislature to make some serious changes!!!!

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I agree with having firm boundaries with children, and to reward the children whilst they are behaving well. Spending time with children is very important, do you have other children? I find it difficult to spend time 1-1 with my children as the other two try to interrup, but simple things like once a week each child gets to stay up late and we have a bit of time together. Have you tried talking to your son? I went through a dreadful time with my nine year old, he was talking back, arguing over every-thing and being so sipeful to his brother and sister. After weeks of this he finally admitted to me he was getting picked on at school. We have managed to help him with this and he has found himself another group of friends and as his school life improved he calmed down at home. Just make it clear to him that you are there for him as if he does have a reason for his behaviour he needs to know he can talk to you when he is ready.

Charmaine - posted on 02/16/2009

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Hi there girls



 



I have two boys ages 4 and 6.  Both ae very strong willed i have started the following and It works wonders.  I have bought a small carpet it is put in a corner where there is nothing (dead corner)  the child has to sit on hte naughty mat according to age in my case my 4 year old has to sit 4 min.  The time out starts from the momebt he sits still until the 4 min are over with him being quiet.  This really works they dont enjoy it at all and it also does not work me up that much .  God luck  Love Charmaine

Joelle - posted on 02/05/2009

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We were going thru something like that, and what worked for us was to reward good behavior instead of always punishing. like minutes for the wii or computer, or save up for a movie and sleepover. We give our son 15 min. a day to save up, and can take minutes away if behavior doesn't improve. It works for us!

Lisa - posted on 02/05/2009

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Hi Zoe, thank you so much for your reply i am going to sit down with him and the rest of the family and see if we can gt though to him. I'll keep you informed.

Kim - posted on 02/04/2009

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Hi Lisa! You are my first ever post on here.....so I really hope I am a little bit helpful! I have an 8 y/o boy as well as a 15 y/o boy, and a 14 y/o boy and while I haven't seen quite that level of disobedience with my 8 y/o - yet! - I DID have it with my other 2. I agree with one of the other replies of it being a step towards indep. as well as testing the boundaries of limitations to make sure they haven't changed any yet. IDK if you have any other children, but I also think older siblings would influence him in the manner of that child trying to be like them (in his mind he maybe doesn't realize the level of inappropriateness he is using). My boys were never allowed to used backtalk or attitude towards me and would always get the same discipline each time in order to teach them that is is always wrong to act in that manner no matter what. It is VERY frustrating but eventually it WILL pay off if you stay consistent with your rules and boundaries you set for him! Good Luck!!

Heather - posted on 02/03/2009

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I would get together with a nutritionist and look at his diet. Maybe he is have hormone surges that are making him snotty and grumpy. I don't have a 9 year old yet but I have heard that it should be a pretty easy time between 6-11. Or maybe something else is going on at school or somewhere in his personal life that is causing him to take it out on you. My daughter talks back and has a mouthy phase when she is too busy or stressed.

Francesca - posted on 02/03/2009

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Hi Lisa, im not sure i can b of any help at al but empathise completely. my son is 10 next wk n altho he has some medical issues (adhd aspergers etc) im completely fed up wi not only my sons attitude but i get violent outburst 2! n believ me lik urself ive tried EVERYTHIN n it stil doesnt faze him at al. ive had advice from al angles n now goin threw anger management in hope i can get 2 a happy compromise as it makes unhappy home 4 my other 2 children. only thin i can say is keep doin wot ur doin makin sure he's aware u r the adult, n chin up n keep smilin (altho sometimes u wont feel lik it believ me i have had more than few tears in private) really hope it turns good 4 u. best wishes xxxx

Lori - posted on 02/03/2009

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Quoting Deanna:



Quoting Amy:




Quoting Lisa:

My 9 year old son has the attitude of a teenager and he's driving me nuts with his constant back chat. I've tried taking his favourite things away for a short period of time but this doesn't seem to work. I'm now atthe end of my tether with him!!! Please help!!!!!









Have you tried giving him a good hiding? I know this sounds harsh, but sometime being cruel is the best way of showing your love. You must bend the tree while he is young, once he's grown up, there's nothing you can do.






 






"People are not for hitting. Children are people, too."









 





I have to totally disagree with this I am sorry but even your quote at the end disagrees with your statement... chen you hit you create more anger and frustration... if you went out and crashed the car and went and told your husband and he said see I told you you would do that some day and here we will make a chart and every time you drive we with out a crash we will give you a sticker  it would be demeaning... we need to be empathetic with our childeren... they are people too and we are teaching them they are experiencing things on a smaller scale that they will in the future we can not let them start expecting people to solve it for them or that someone will always be there to dicipline then with pain... Logic and love and empathy will be better teachers in the end

Susan - posted on 02/03/2009

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One of my 9 year old are the same way. What I have done and it seems to be working is take go outside to play with friends. The whole day with no computer or tv. She is still testing me but I am not giving in. Try that it might help! also if she will try and get out of the punishment and I just add other think to it. Good luck let me know.

Kim - posted on 02/03/2009

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I understand what your going through. My son is 8 and has the mouth of a 13 yr old. He constantly talks back, doesn't listen and believes he knows everything. I have also attempted taking things away or sending him to his room and seems to worsen the situation. I've been noticing that he seems to do it more when he's mad that all the attention isn't on him. I've been trying to give him more attention 1 on 1 and works at times. Good Luck!

LeAnn - posted on 02/03/2009

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I have a 11 year old boy and 14 year old boy ... the age brings the back talk. Sometimes ignoring the problem instead of engaging him is the best thing.

[deleted account]

Oh, and don't forget to check the link near the bottom of the page titled: "Do's and Don't of Tween Disciplne"

[deleted account]

Quoting Deanna:



Quoting Amy:




Quoting Lisa:

My 9 year old son has the attitude of a teenager and he's driving me nuts with his constant back chat. I've tried taking his favourite things away for a short period of time but this doesn't seem to work. I'm now atthe end of my tether with him!!! Please help!!!!!









Have you tried giving him a good hiding? I know this sounds harsh, but sometime being cruel is the best way of showing your love. You must bend the tree while he is young, once he's grown up, there's nothing you can do.






 






"People are not for hitting. Children are people, too."









 i totally agree,,if you start giving your children hidings then they will start to believe that that is the right thing to do and start going round and starting fights and theres enough violence in the world as it is,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





 

[deleted account]

Quoting Amy:



Quoting Lisa:

My 9 year old son has the attitude of a teenager and he's driving me nuts with his constant back chat. I've tried taking his favourite things away for a short period of time but this doesn't seem to work. I'm now atthe end of my tether with him!!! Please help!!!!!







Have you tried giving him a good hiding? I know this sounds harsh, but sometime being cruel is the best way of showing your love. You must bend the tree while he is young, once he's grown up, there's nothing you can do.



 



"People are not for hitting. Children are people, too."





 

Catherine - posted on 02/03/2009

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I admit, I am a little upset abut what I am reading. All of this talk about putting kids in their place makes me feel for the kids.



As adults, it is important that we have insight as to what our kids are going through, and to take action based on what they need, not what we want to prove to them! Of course we need to show them that we are in charge, but because they need that security, not because they need to be under a thumb.



Stand back and be quiet long enough to observe your children in order to understand what they are needing. My daughter came home with an attiutude, and I reacted similarly to most of you, but after observing her for just one day, I saw that her tone was not meant as an insult to me, but just the habit of a kid who was surrounded by other obnoxious 8 year olds all day. She was trying to figure out how she can relate to her peers and she brought her new personality home.



There is a balance to address here, not an atitude. Of course I set limits as to how she can address me, but hammering down all of those newly learned skills only made her withdraw at home. All I had taught her was that she couldn't be herself at home. That is not the message I want to send.



I am her mother, but I say 'who am I' to take away her sense of self? Shouldn't we mothers be building up our childrens' confidences? Our children are lent to us by God, so lets try to make sure He gets them back in good shape, huh?

Becky - posted on 02/03/2009

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Start charging him $1.00 each time his back talks. Tell him its not acceptable. keep him accountable , make him pay you! Believe me it will stop immediately! If $1.00 is too high charge him .50   Good Luck!



Becky

Catherine - posted on 02/03/2009

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My daughter is almost 9 and she does the same thing. I think they probably act like this at school (I remember being totally obnoxious at that age too) and then they bring it home, mostly out of habit. I tried stopping it for a while, but I realized that thisa was how my kid related to her peers, so instead of trying to beat em, I joined em. I don't take crap, understand, but I am much more relaxed and can bond better with my kid if I act like an obnoxious 8 year old too!

Amy - posted on 02/03/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

My 9 year old son has the attitude of a teenager and he's driving me nuts with his constant back chat. I've tried taking his favourite things away for a short period of time but this doesn't seem to work. I'm now atthe end of my tether with him!!! Please help!!!!!




Have you tried giving him a good hiding? I know this sounds harsh, but sometime being cruel is the best way of showing your love. You must bend the tree while he is young, once he's grown up, there's nothing you can do.

[deleted account]

My ten year old daughter seems to think that she knows it all and talks back as well. I think that she is testing her boundaries. She keeps it up she will learn what it is like to be grounded. I've been getting her more involved in the house work also. She thinks that she is grown than she needs to contribute more like an adult.

Claire - posted on 02/03/2009

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Lisa, my heart really goes out to you! I have struggled with my daughter in this regard and there are no easy answers. First and foremost, regardless of the "banter", you absolutely MUST have a heart tie to this child. Secondly, most children, I think, act this way when they see their parents as unable to control themselves and distrust/disrespect has developed. Therefore, while you can't always model the right thing - who is perfect? - you can be transparent about your struggles. And.... the other parent. In my situation, my husband thought my daughter's "mouth" was funny (when she was 9), despite my pleadings that a habit would develop and she would not be able to discern when and where it might be unacceptable. So, if you can't get into agreement with your spouse, please get some counseling! It will be very much worth it in the long run! When the teen years REALLY hit, it will be so much WORSE :o( Other ideas include setting your son up to catch a "conversation" on video so he can see himself in action, role playing correct behavior, and reading inspirational stories of children who reflect the attitudes you are looking for in your son. Which, by the way, have you made a list? You need a plan to shape his heart and thoughts, these things won't just happen on their own. Often we parents try to address things in too cerebral a manner, when our children just need training. And, a last note - please don't just take away toys. He knows he will get tham back eventually, and if he is also strong-willed (as my daughter) he WILL outlast you by a mile. He would rather die! Deprive him instead of an outing with friends and give him a job to do, like washing the car, for which you demand the work be done impeccably - just how YOU want it done. Be his boss! Inspect every part of the job, pointing out every thing that does not meet the goals you have laid out before hand. And, whatever he throws at you, stay the course, be just as calmly tough as he is, that is what he is really needing at this time. Boundaries! Firmness with the long-view in mind.

If I'd only known...but, God has really been giving me wisdom to pray for my daughter - aloud, in her presence - most every day. And changing me so that I am able to love her in spite of herself - and, actually, in spite of myself, too :o) I really believe that the Lord is working in her heart and bringing her out of herself.

So, cheer up! Seek God, and if you don't know Jesus, let's talk! The power of His love, the knowledge of Him, can change everything!

Sincerely,

Claire

[deleted account]

Hi Lisa, I'm an old Grammy, but I remember backtalk well. I had a few responses that helped:



(My personal favorite): "Really?"



"That's not like you."



"When you say that, I feel __________"



Hope those help a little. God bless your day today!

Tricia - posted on 02/03/2009

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I have 4 boys, 3 are now teenagers. No matter my life situation at about 9 years old I have the attitude with them, they pulled away from me as their mother and went towards their father or step father. Apparently that 9 is the age that boys will "migrate" towards there same sex parent. Give him a bit of space... :)

Christy - posted on 02/03/2009

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My boys gave me such a hard time at that age....stay connected...stay firm...but understand they are testing the waters. They are now 19,18,16 and we have the best relationship. Hang tight

[deleted account]

He is definately trying to tell you something.....my daughter is 11 now & I noticed that her attitude was dependant on who she was hanging out with....that & TV shows.  I also do 1 activity every month as a family & 1 with each child....giving a choice of 3 things to choose from (dependant on finances) gives them a little independence & helps them with decison making....our most fun moments have come with playing ball together & the least expensive. If you can volunteer on a class field trip & watch the dynamics of the other boys & see if he is getting some of this from them. It usually is & he is just testing his boundaries, As punishment  I ask my daughter to leave the room until I am ready to understand what she just said to me & what appropriate punishment will fit it & she freaks out..she wants my reaction then & there to get it over with so I put it down to attention seaking.

Shirlene - posted on 02/03/2009

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I am having a similar problem with my 10 year old daughter...I think I am going to the experts..if I read anythign helpful I will let you know. All of my friends say its just part of the deal and you have to have consistent consequences...but it really takes a lot of energy.

[deleted account]

I can completely sympathize. I have a 13 year old and 11 year old. Around 9/10 is when both of their attitudes kicked in. I really can't promise you it will get better any time soon. I started to keep a chart of how many times a day they back talk. I have it posted on the fridge and they have to mark it everytime. I cannot say I have had drastic improvement but now they can look at it and see how much they are back talking and know that is the reason they get no extras.

Cheri - posted on 02/03/2009

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I am a mother of five, soon to be six children. My oldest is 10, and she has OCD and Childhood Anxiety. Her brother, who is almost 9 years old, has a lot on his plate to deal with - being the oldest boy of five kids and a sister with some issues. He tends to have an attitude problem and backtalk, mainly when something else is bothering him.
There are lots of books, resources and other things that are out there that you can try - but the bottom line is you need to go with your gut -
Try talking to him about school ( a lot of times kids will be trying to work through an issue, hurt feelings, a grade/teacher problem or even as simple as needing glasses, and they will act out at home because of it). If you are sensing it is school related and you don't get anywhere - try talking to his teachers.
Boys go through moods/emotions and biological changes at this age, just like girls. Parker once was a crab for a whole week and said he was hurting - come to find out, he had grown two shoe sizes within a month's time.
Regardless, it could be a myriad of reasons - the best way that I know to handle it is to give positive time to your child, remember that a hug can go a long way at this age, and find things to reinforce your connection - play off of his interests. You'd be amazed at the one on one time and how effective that is.
But don't use this as a tool to disregard his behavior - respecting authority is crucial at this age - just make sure the actions/consequences fit each other in severity. I won't cancel a birthday party invite/day out with friends because of back talk. But my kids do lose privileges. And when the punishment is over - it is OVER. Don't hold it against him, be sure you can move on, too - or else drudging up behavior from earlier in the afternoon can sour a great evening. Teach him to let go and forgiveness. Hope that helps - good luck!

[deleted account]

Oh yea...and don't forget to reward him the days that he goes without getting into trouble in any way.  By doing so he'll learn that behaving makes you happy and makes for a positive interaction.  You can even entice him to begin with.  For example, if he goes an entire week of behaving and not talking back then he can have a friend sleep over on Friday night.  Rewards will counter the rough times in which you end up having to punish him.  Positive reinforcement :)

[deleted account]

My friend had that problem and started giving her daughter the choice of her punishment.  The punishment's weren't too strict, just limited her from certain things.  Say he talks back to his teacher, give him the opportunity to lose video game/tv/outside privlages or give him the option of doing a list of chores without allowance.  Eventaully my friend's daughter got to the point in which if she did something she would tell her mother her punishment before my friend even knew about her doing something wrong.  Giving her the dirtiest, most disgusting jobs seemed to work the best :)  Just make sure you don't let him know that what he's saying is affecting you...be stern and hold your ground, making him think that you were almost amsued by testing his limits because he should know you can dole out as many punishments as you'd like to the point where all he can do is sit and do homework only.

Laura - posted on 02/03/2009

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i forgot to add, .. that taking things away and punishment creates a worse environment... possibly try giving him something.. like positive attention... take him out one on one.. is dad involved in his life?... spend more one on one time with him, and give him a little more freedom (not saying let the leash off, jsut give him more FUN responsiblities) Maybe an hour later curfew/bedtime... or once a week activity that HE enjoys... and be involved...



My S-I-L is only 8, and the middle child... her older sister is 15, and rebelious, the younger borthers, 7 is autistic, and 4, the baby... she gets left out.. so once I week or 2 weeks lately with the weather, I take her out to do something special, just her and I. Last time it was the mall shopping. next one we are planning to get nails done... (jsut manicure and painted, but it's what she wants to do) In the summer I'm going to take her to the amusement park, and was thinking a camping weekend.  Just her and I.   It has helped alot with her self-esteem, and with school, and socializing skills. She no long has childhood depression.



 



just some ideas again...



i don't know your family dynamics though

Sierra - posted on 02/03/2009

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I have the same problem with my 10 year old. I calmly tell him that I am his mom and I am not going to fight with a 10 year old. I will tell him what needs to be done and leave the room and the conversation. If I am in the car I ignore him and turn up the radio. Continue to take things away if he doesn't listen. Eventually he will get it. There is a book called "how to have a new kid by friday" it is really good for stuff like this.

Laura - posted on 02/03/2009

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He's acting out to get attention, and trying to create his own independence.. it's the stage before Teenhood. When they think they know it all..



Is he a middle Child? ...  That sometimes can contribute to the lashing out, feels like he's in the shadow of the older child, and baby always gets more attention... ... doesn't feel heard.



just some ideas for you



 

Helen - posted on 02/03/2009

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hi lisa i totally sympthize with u, my son was the same ( he is now 12) and i tried all the thing takin stuff off groundin him not lettin his mates in 2 play and so on and it made him worse they think they whole world is against em and that we as mother owe them something or thats how i felt lol. do u have anyother children thats he is arguni with or is there an underlined problem like bullyin @ school or something that has changed the way he is actin?? x

Brandy - posted on 02/03/2009

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i babysit my ten year old nephew and recently got the same thing from him... i think its a phase they must all go through. but as far as punishments go i wasnt really involved in his beings the fact im just aunt brandy but maybe you havent hit a nerve. what works best with him is taking his favorite things away and giving him more chores around the house. when he gets home from school have a talk with him. tell him you dont appreciate the way he speaks to you and if it continues he will lose t.v. for example and have to do the dishes every night for a week. if it still continues make it two weeks. if it continues to occur i'd say just keep taking things away and adding more chores. eventually he'll give up and start treating you like mommy again. :)

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