My 9yr old baby

Jessica - posted on 05/05/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 9 year old is my oldest child, yet he acts like my toddler. He cries over doing his homework and getting dressed. He just cries and whines over the dumbest little things. If he doesn't get his precious little way it's some huge dilemma. As his mother I am very strict and stern so my children don't get away with much. Respect is top priority in our house. By this age they should already know the rules and how to follow them and they should know how to behave. This kid's behavior has always been out of control which I don't understand fully because his siblings do not act the way he does, his siblings act the way that I raised them to act. He nags and complains if he wants something in particular. Thinking that eventually he will get his way. (He won't) he does not want to do anything for himself and he does not like the idea of Independence. There are also certain areas where he can not be trusted to be independent. He is not permitted to touch our food or prepare his own meals due to stealing and lying problems. I'm sorry but I am sick and tired of babying this kid he needs to learn to grow up, at least a little bit and stop acting like such a baby. I don't care if he wants to be lazy and doesn't want to do his homework. He doesn't have a choice. He also acts very bossy and controlling and refuses to play games fairly trying to make sure that he always wins no matter how badly it might hurt someone else's feelings. He is very inconsiderate and greedy and overall just seems to be a nasty person (mostly) I will touch on good qualities: for the most part he is a good brother he actually does very well with my toddler. He can be really helpful around the house. He has pretty good grades at school and has been showing Improvement behavior wise. Sometimes he's very sweet and affectionate but not usually. I'm just sick of butting heads with this kid we really don't get along and I would love to be closer with him and be his friend... though it seems nearly impossible. I've tried different parenting tactics... I've spoken to several professionals. Teachers, counselors, psychiatrists, his pediatrician. I've even tried being very nice with him and making sure we have a lot of one-on-one time but it doesn't matter because he still treats me like crap for it anyways. I'm at my Wit's End and I don't know what to do. I am highly considering treating him like I used to when he was 3 and using the 1 2 3 rule again. I get to 3, you get a spanking. He is not a baby and I'm done putting up with it & trying to be nice.

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Dove - posted on 05/05/2016

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His pediatrician is almost certainly not qualified to make an ADHD diagnosis. Ask for a referral to a child psychologist or psychiatrist to get him fully evaluated to see if there is a legitimate cause for his behavior.

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Strong - posted on 05/06/2016

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I’m sorry that you are facing a difficult time disciplining your son. I understand how stressful this can get. I came across these links on discipline and evaluating a possible diagnosis of ADHD -- http://bit.ly/1T4AlEH and http://bit.ly/1WNadxo. I think you might find them helpful. I’m sending up prayers for you and your son. I wish your family the best. *Hugs and much love.*

Jessica - posted on 05/05/2016

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I've tried everything. All I can do is keep trying. I'll check it out definitely. Just want what's best for him. Thanks for your input. I appreciate any help I can get

Jessica - posted on 05/05/2016

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Only his pediatrician has spoken to him. His teachers and myself. He's got a huge support system but he's not in counseling himself. His pediatrician didn't help very much, just spoke briefly to each of us. Gave me paperwork for each parent and two of his teachers. I'm holding onto it, in hopes that it's some kind of phase he's going through because over this school year I've seen significant improvements (with the lying and stealing aspect) I meet with three different types of teachers and his principal monthly. We're taking steps to help him, with what works for him. The school counselor said she could try and help by listening to me describe his background and family history? I'm afraid of making him feel bad about himself, that's holding me back. &the medication thing. Misdiagnosis or a diagnosis in general.

Dove - posted on 05/05/2016

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You've seen many counselors, but has he? If he is just now at 9 being evaluated for ADHD I'm assuming he hasn't been in any regular sort of therapy yet. A real, full evaluation can take a year and is done very thoroughly by reports from you, the teachers, his doctor, and the qualified specialists.

Has he ever BEEN evaluated by a mental health professional yet?

Jessica - posted on 05/05/2016

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I should add, he is currently being evaluated for ADHD. He has many symptoms BUT I can't stand the idea of medication or special education classes. The poor boy carrying around a diagnosis for the rest of his life. Also fearful of a misdiagnosis. ADHD is over diagnosed in children.

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