My adult daughter and ex are alienating my 12 1/2 year-old-son from me. Help!!!

Kay - posted on 01/24/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My very soon to be ex-husband has switched careers so many times in our marriage, and made our family pack up and move all over the place, at his whim. I was always there to pick up the pieces with our children when he got a new idea in his head that he wanted to pursue.
He now has a PhD Degree and me just my BA Degree. I spent 16 years as a stay-at-home mommy taking care of our four children so he could pursue his career. When our youngest, now 12 1/2 started third grade, I went back to work.
I moved to another city, where the family soon followed, just as my ex had done so many times. This was so hard on our children, that when I received a promotion in another city, which would require me to stay there for at least one year, I was not about to make our children go through yet another relocation. I gave them each a choice that they could relocate with me or stay put in the family home with their dad. They all stayed.
Then my ex got a promotion across the country, which requires him to stay there for 6 months to a year. He has not moved yet, as he is awaiting our divorce to be final next week.
He has convinced our youngest that this is going to be the adventure of a lifetime, and he was leaving our high school senior to fend for herself as she did not want to make the move during her senior year.
Our 20 year-old daughter has lived in the home up until just a few weeks ago when she got a one-bedroom apartment. My ex has moved himself and our youngest in with her until he relocates, which has been almost a month now.
I finally got court ordered visitations with our son on weekends until our divorce is final next week.
When my ex announced his relocation and plans for the children, I quickly resigned my position and moved back into the home to keep our HS Senior from being homeless.
I have recently (about two months ago) found out my ex and oldest daughter have been alienating our youngest against me, telling him that I abandoned them, and to not communicate with me. This is heart-breaking because I NEVER abandoned any of them.
I sacrificed my time with them so that they would not have to relocate. My son doesn't want anything to do with me now. During our weekend visits, he stays in bed all day, then plays on the computer after I go to bed. He is constantly texting my ex and daughter, even during times that I have taken him out to dinner to have a nice time together!
I asked my ex to please not text him continuously, and he told me, "He texted me first!".
The next weekend I asked him to please step up and be a responsible parent and allow our son to have his time with me without him (ex) interrupting our time together. He told our son, "Mom said I can't text you, but you can text your sisters if you need anything".
I just feel like I can't win in this situation with my ex and adult daughter poisoning my son's and my relationship. I don't know what to do! I need some really good, sound advice on how to deal with this. HELP!!!

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Michelle - posted on 01/24/2015

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Have you sat down and had a talk with your son? All you have told us about is the conversations with your ex.
Look at it from the children's point of view though, you did move away to pursue your career, so it looks like you did abandon them. A child doesn't see things the same way as adults.
You need to mend the hurt you have created by making sure your children know that you won't be leaving them again. They need reassurance that whatever happens you will be there. It's going to take some time for them to believe you though.
So, it's not really your ex and oldest daughter alienating your son from you, you did it by moving away.

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