Christine - posted on 09/12/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )
My daughter and I have had a strained relationship for her whole life. ( she flipped me off at age 3) Her dad and I divorced when she was 9. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, and I made my way out of the relationship, barely making it on my own. She was raging out of control at the time, and she had a 2 year old brother too. I regret asking her dad to have her while I finish college and work. I expected her to come back to me. But the whole process poisoned her against me, and I have never gained her love. She did move in with me once, but her dad always one-upped me with more income, better houses and food. In 2008, she was 17, he and his wife moved away with her to MN (wife's home). I couldn't bare it, so me, my husband and younger son also moved there. Our younger son also felt abandoned) Again, we lived in small, crummier conditions and she rarely visited us there while we stayed 3 years. My husband lost his job, and we both had medical issues, so we moved back to Seattle. Her Dad and step-mom moved on to Fl. She wanted to come to me, but her boyfriend would not leave MN. So she lives there now, but when I visit, she is so nasty to me and treats her dad and step-mom with love and respect. I have given so much, never missed special occasions, birthdays. She returns no gifts to me. I am known as the best gift giver ever. I realized that she was spending every Christmas in FL with her dad, and I began to give up and ran from the pain by taking her off FB.- I didn't want to see any photos. She reacted like a grizzly and said I've been manipulating her her whole life. She refuses to talk to me but when we do communicate she blames me for EVERYTHING. She had been so mean and disrespectful to me I usually leave her house crying. Her upbringing was unfortunate and traumatic, but I have been dumped on with ALL the blame and anger. I miss sending my grand kids and her presents. I'm suffering. How do I stop being a doormat? I know I made mistakes, but all parents do, I've told her I love and miss her, but she is using her children to hurt me. I think this generation is so narcissistic and cold. I would never treat my own mom that way (and she's been far from perfect, but she's my mom.) Should I send birthday/ Christmas gifts? Should I call her on her birthday? Or, should I move on and take care of myself.