My Babies father doesn't want me

Laura - posted on 08/06/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Let me apologize in advance for this being such a long post...
I met my babies father over a year ago, we met on an online dating site and I lived an hour away. The first night we met, we had drinks and everything seemed wonderful, but after that night I didn't hear from him for 8 months. One day he randomly messaged and I had just moved into the same city he was living in, he seemed excited. We made plans to have dinner and everything was fine only he didn't try to kiss me, so I sucked it up as we are just friends. A few months go by of us hanging out and our relationship turned intimate, the moment he did he started not wanting to spend time with me. I already had feelings for him, on my birthday we celebrated and I posted photos on Facebook he immediately in tagged himself using the excuse he didn't want his mom asking questions (he is 40), a couple days past and I find out I'm pregnant! By this time we had already broken up, when I Callao tell him.. He says no way I could be pregnant.. I go to his house and take 8 pregnancy test all positive. Then he claims it couldn't be his, on my first appointment they said conception was April 19, the first night he and I slept together. I was heartbroken, I moved to this city for work, I have no family, nothing here. So I have went back and forth should I stay and hope he will come around. There have been nights I've gotten angry and text him terrible messages and his only reply has been "I don't care about you"! Last week he did come to the OB appointment and saw the ultra sound and asked for a few copies, I was excited. I ran out had two of the photos mounted, his reply well you cut the top off I wanted to see the entire photo. I'm so devastated, my body is changing, (im now 17 weeks) I've told no one I pregnant, and each night he haunts me in my dreams.. All I do is cry because I don't want this child to grow up without a father. I'm sorry I went into so much detail but please can anyone tell me what I should do??? I'm alone and so scared.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2016

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You seem to have read WAY more into the situation to begin with than he did. He never, ever gave you any indication that he WANTED a permanent relationship. YOU determined that you had fallen for him.

Whether or not you made your move "for work" is questionable for me, knowing that you relocated and were "conveniently" close to him again.

He's told you directly that he wasn't interested in a relationship. He's told you indirectly, by untagging himself, etc.

The MOST you can do now is make sure you have paternity proof. Your doctor's assumption of date of conception is just that. That part of diagnosis is not exact, it is based on factors uncovered during your exam. Regardless, you had sex with someone. Whether it's this guy, or another, you had sex, got pregnant. Determine paternity, and file for custody, visitation, and support. He DOES have every right to be a part of this child's life, and it is your responsibility to be an adult and help facilitate that contact, but get everything set in court for everyone's protection.

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Dove - posted on 08/06/2016

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Ooohh... I skipped over the 'I' in that sentence. I thought HE had been the one that moved to her city....

Ev - posted on 08/06/2016

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I agree with Dove on that. He made no real moves to make this a real relationship. You allowed yourself to fall for this guy. He also got what he wanted out of you. Just because people have sex does not mean there is any kind of relationship or meaning because they do this act. I think you should move back home to where family is and tell them of the coming child and get a support group set up for yourself. Then once baby is here do as Dove said about custody and the other things that have come up now.

Dove - posted on 08/06/2016

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This man has shown from the very beginning of your 'relationship' that he really wanted nothing to do w/ you. You had dinner w/ him and then not a word for EIGHT MONTHS and you still went after him when he showed up?

I'm sorry you are pregnant w/ his child and I'm sorry you are hurting, but it's time to let the relationship w/ this man go except where it directly involves the child. When your baby is born you go to court for custody, visitation, and child support orders... and you both abide by them keeping your relationship strictly about the well being of your child and not anything between the two of you.

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