My baby boy has just died at 7 days old and I feel I need to get pregnant again

Natalie - posted on 07/05/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My baby boy was born on the 20th of June 2012, everything was fine with the birth, untill the last few minutes. Harry was born 10lb 10 ounces and stopped breathing, they managed to resusatate him, but then he only lasted 7 days in NICU and we had to let him go. I feel so lost and feel I have so much love to give. I know I will never replace my baby boy, but I really want and need another baby to love to help me through. Really I want to know when is a safe time to start trying to concieve again?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/06/2012

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Oh, that's so special, and what a wonderful way to remember your little one. May I offer one other suggestion?

In our area, it's common to purchase a tree to have planted at a local park, or other site, as a memorial for a loved one...And I think it's a really neat idea. I mean, here's something that you can look at, and it will daily mature, and eventually provide shelter and shade. If a living memorial would suit you, as parents, I'd suggest that as well.

my dear. You're a very strong lady, from what I can see. When you are blessed with your next one, they'll be doubly lucky to get you as parents :-)

Natalie - posted on 07/06/2012

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Thank you for everyones replies, in my mind I know I need to wait and grieve 1st. I'm struggling so much seeing other people and their babies, thinking I should be doing what they are doing. I still cant believe this is all happening to us. Meanwhile we are trying to keep ourselves busy by setting up a trust in Harrys name, then people can donate and all proceedings are to go to the NICU where harry had his short 7 days.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/06/2012

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Natalie, I am so sorry for your loss!

Please consider waiting a bit for another pregnancy, simply to let your body normalize, and things to get "unconfused" as far as your health goes. Generally, at least 9-12 months between pregnancies is recommended, for the health of the mother.

Best of luck when you do start!

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2012

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I am so sorry for your loss. It is recommended to wait at least a year between children. I know your heart must be aching right now, but having another child to hold won't take away your grief, it will make that child a replacement for Harry. That would diminish the significance of both of your children. I would advise you to take some time to heal first. It's only been a week. Work through your feelings, see a grief councilor, they can help you to identify your emotions and be ready to move on. When you've done that, and are genuinely ready to move on, then consider trying again. Again, I am truly sorry.

Katie - posted on 07/06/2012

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Natalie, I'm very sorry this happened to your baby. I can only imagine the grief you must feel. It might help to find a support group so you can talk to others who have lost babies and work through the feelings you are having. Ask your GP, or at the hospital you gave birth at, or even look online. Although it will be physically possible to become pregnant again within a few months it doesn't necessarily mean that's a good time.

Natalie - posted on 07/06/2012

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Thank you for your reply. You are completely right inwhat you say. Ive never had to deal with grief like this before and I guess im confused in how I should and shouldnt feel. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy and I guess I need to go and sit down with my gp and ask what I would need to do and what they will do for me, when I do want to try again x

Krista - posted on 07/05/2012

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First of all, I am SO sorry for your loss. I can't even fathom how heartbroken you must be.

After I had my child, my obstetrician advised me to wait 9 months before getting pregnant again. He said that this would basically give my body time to heal, and time to replenish its nutrient stores. And that babies who are conceived too soon after a recent delivery often tend to be low birthweight.

I know that you feel you need another baby right now, but you've been through a horrible trauma and it's not only your body that needs time to heal. Your mind and your heart need time to heal as well, so that you're having a baby not to help you through, but for his or her own sake. In the meantime, I would focus on dealing with your grief. Perhaps you can plant a rosebush to honour your son, and start a journal, to work out your feelings.

Again, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Give yourself a bit of time, though, okay?

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