My baby is 3 weeks old and I'm contemplating leaving my fiance

Ashley - posted on 09/23/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 3 weeks and 2 days old and I'm so unhappy in my relationship all I do is cry and i've tried speaking to my fiancé about how I feel but he doesn't seem to care at all. While I was in the hospital giving birth to her he was messaging his ex girlfriend on Facebook sharing the experience with her instead of being there for me. This is my first child and had to have an emergency c-section bc her heartrate kept dropping whenever she tried to drop into my birth canal, during the c-section my epidural wore off and I had to be put under general anesthesia also bc she was stuck, it took 4 doctors to get her out and when they got her out her lung collapsed and she was in NICU for 5 days I was not even able to hold her until she was 4 days old. Once I was in recovery I got on my phone and noticed I had a message only it wasn't my Facebook logged in it was his and he had told me he hated this girl bc she cheated on him and got pregnant by someone else 9 years ago. But obviously he still has feelings for her bc he did this to me I'm just afraid to leave bc I want to make the right decision for my daughter should I leave or try to stay and work it out? The only problem is when I try to talk to him he laughs it off and I'm genuinely hurt! Last night he called me a dumb fucking bitch and said he hated me and 30 minutes later he was apologizing saying how much he loved me . I'm so hurt and confused right now is this just postpartum depression I just feel so alone in this relationship

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/24/2012

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If you have a family members that you can stay at, maybe you should go there to try to have some time to figure things out. I am glad your baby is doing fine now!

Vicki - posted on 09/24/2012

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He did it to make her jealous! Wow thats pretty immature. Your laying in a hospital bed giving birth to his child and his thinking is well im gonnea make my ex jealous!

Name calling is verbally abusive, and shouldnt be tolerated! You teach people how you want to be treated by what is acceptable and what isnt. Sometimes we have to be ready to leave the people that we love in order to send a message that says you cannot treat me this way I deserve better. Im worth it!! What about your daughter? What message will you both be sending her?

Louise - posted on 09/24/2012

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It is entirely ur decision, but i WOULD not put up with that, you need him now more than ever he should have been there for u not messaging his ex, even if she did message him he should av ignored her til after the event, you have been thru so much and he should not b speakin to you like that, u had frceps delivery cos my lil boy turned but my hubby was with me every step of the way and supported me throughout he would never speak to me like that let alone when i had just been through a trauma like that and he would never message his x gf but especially when i was giving birth to his child, I would get rid but its up to u, but u should do what makes you happy, happy mum equals happy baby xxxxx

TILAY - posted on 09/23/2012

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girl do your thing with your baby and let him go.. if your a strong woman you would be able to manage it alone.. and let the little boy stay in his place .. he has a kid now and still playing games.. time to grow up ..

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Louise - posted on 09/26/2012

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Good luck hun, mayb stayin with ur mum may clear ur head a bit away from the situation u may b able to think properly, i wish u well whatever you decide to do

Ashley - posted on 09/24/2012

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I agree with all of you I don't want to set a bad example for my daughter and no I don't tolerate him talking to me that way that's why I'm just so shocked bc he hasn't done it before but yeah I went and spoke with my doctor today about how I'm feeling and he prescribed Zoloft and suggested that my mom come stay with us so I can rest more but I think I am going to stay with her for a little while just to take some time and see if it helps. A baby does change your relationship but it shouldn't change it in a bad way it should bring you closer together. I am just hoping it all works out and that I make the best decision for my daughter and I. I'm 26 and her dad and I have been together for 6 1/2 years and I just didn't think this would happen esp. after our first child we should be enjoying this wonderful experience together but instead in too hurt to even talk to him.

Louise - posted on 09/24/2012

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I agree with vicky i think he has done it to make u jealous, i have been with my husband for 5years marreid for 1year he has never spoke to me like dont get me wrong we have had our arguments like all couples but he wouldnt dream of callin me names, as far as am concerned if he loved u as much as he makes out he wouldnt dream of callin you names, you say a baby changes ur relationship i got married it brought us together had a baby this year and it has brought us closer again,

Louise - posted on 09/24/2012

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I agree with vicky i think he has done it to make u jealous, i have been with my husband for 5years marreid for 1year he has never spoke to me like dont get me wrong we have had our arguments like all couples but he wouldnt dream of callin me names, as far as am concerned if he loved u as much as he makes out he wouldnt dream of callin you names, you say a baby changes ur relationship i got married it brought us together had a baby this year and it has brought us closer again,

Ashley - posted on 09/24/2012

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His excuse for replying to her message was that he wanted to

make her jealous bc she had lied to him at first and said she was pregnant by him 9 years ago and when him and I got together he paid for a paternity test and the truth came out that he was not the father. But I still just don't care to me that is not an excuse. He is s good dad and he has always been good to me that's why I'm just so shocked that all of this has happened and I just don't know what to do! I read the conversation between them and I actually spoke with her the night I discovered the messages from her to him and she tried telling me how much he loves me and that she has tried to get back with him and that he has turned her down but I still feel so betrayed that this has even gone on behind my back and him calling me those names my sister has been with the same guy for 12 years snd he has never called her names like that. Him and I have been together for 6 years and this is not the first time he has called me names. Should I try to even make this work and suggest counseling or do you think it will just get worse. Everyone says a baby changes a relationship and I'm afraid that's what has happened with him, I love being a mom but I don't think he was 100% ready to be a dad.

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