My baby is always crying!

Carissa - posted on 08/01/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Barely 3 months old. If someone isn't holding her, she cries! She used to love sitting in her swing but now she hates it. My mom has spoiled her rotten by picking her up every time she even makes a whimper!! How do I stop this? I can't do much if I'm always holding her. I even had to hold her while using the restroom. What a challenge that was!! Flushing, pulling up my pants, washing my hands, THAT WAS HARD! She always wants to eat, too. We feed her and feed her but she ends up spitting up. If you couldn't tell...I'm a new mom haha. Sometimes I just let her cry but it kills me!! I usually let her sit there because she doesn't really cry, she's just screaming and whining. When the screams get louder and tears start to flow, that's when I pick her up, especially when she's bright red!!

What do I do??

20 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 08/02/2009

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try getting a boppy!!! its a half moon pillow that they can sit in sit up lay down and have tummy time but the best thing of all it wraps around them so it snuggles them, just like it would feel if you were holding her. i feel your pain i know all about the peeing with your child on your hip lol but talk to your mom and tell her thats its getting to hard on you so she needs to tone it down a little she will understand. and as much as it sucks if nothing is wrong with her let her cry you will be thankful in the end trust me!!!! both my kids went threw this,

Isobel - posted on 08/02/2009

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my daughter did calm down after I gave up diet pepsi haha. but honestly...these "hold your baby 24-7" people clearly don't see things the same way you do...don't let them upset you...If you need to put your baby down, put her down, and walk away for a few minutes.

5 minutes on the front porch saved my daughter's life one night...and I'm not joking

Isobel - posted on 08/02/2009

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Dear Jennifer Hornback : We have almost identical stories...and yet somehow opposite haha. I stayed home with my daughter (picked her up everytime she whimpered) then my husband stayed home with my son (never picked him up since I had already spoiled the first one). My daughter is the adventurous brave one though, my son is terrified of everything. Maybe it's an inborn thing.

Shana - posted on 08/01/2009

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My daughter had similar issues...she had trouble with gas. We used Mylicon drops after she ate and it worked well. We also learned she had thrush...which can cause gas and fussiness. If your baby has such issues (e.g., gas, indigestion, etc.), s/he might eat more because the milk soothes the belly problems. My daughter would do that...then spit up or throw up because she ate too much. She was doing it just to soothe her belly. As soon as we got her medicine for thrush, that was all resolved. Your best bet is to check in with your pediatrician.
Keep in mind, too, that at 3 months it is not unusual to have a baby that needs a lot of soothing. It tends to get better by 4 months. You might want to check out the Happiest Baby on the Block (DVD or book)--it has great tips for soothing the little one. Hang in there! And recruit some help so you can get rest! Taking care of a demanding lil' one is exhausting...and you need to make sure you take care of yourself too! Good luck!

Nevar - posted on 08/01/2009

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Do you breastfeed?? If you do...and she is spitting up..you might look at what you are eating...my kids were all finicky that way...like I figured out they were sensitive to dairy and wheat...stuff like that...a good way to start is to go with the major allergin type foods like dairy, wheat, eggs, spicy...and cut those out and see if it helps..if you dont breast feed..try changing formulas or giving some acidophillis in her formula...works wonders for digestion...you might also try and have her looked at by a sacral cranial therapist...my babies had some digestive issues and were found to have some intestinal quirks..if you will and getting them adjusted really helped...and the other thing...is just sit with her when she is nursing or whatever...and ask her...what she needs from you...and just listen and see what comes to mind...its amazing how connected these little ones are and how capable they are of communicating...sometimes its we who are not listening very well.. You may also want to invest in a maya wrap sling so you can carry her and have your hands free...i pretty much wear mine for the first year...bar none...and the babies are way happier...you can sit them forward facing or face in or many other ways...its about 39 bucks...and it will save you soo much in the way of the mental battle....good luck.... :)

User - posted on 08/01/2009

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wow!! Lotsa opinions to go around. I would focus on the possibility of either reflux or even a milk allergy. I found that my daughter would cry non-stop every evening around the same time. Not a "hold me" cry but a screaming, red faced sob. I did a little research and the possiblity if a milk allergy seemed very fitting. So, voila, visit to doc with outcome of milk allery. i breast fed and had to supplement w/formula cuz I didn't make enough milk..so, I had to cut all dairy from my diet cold turkey and switch to soy formula. It subsided with time and now she is a two year old who loves cheese and milk :) good luck.

Leanne - posted on 08/01/2009

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I wanted to ad that Elizabeth has it right. The sling was a lifesaver with more than one of my children and several of my foster babies!

Leanne - posted on 08/01/2009

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I know how this feels....baby that crys so much! Take a deep breath. She will eventually move on to a new stage.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/01/2009

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Carissa, I am a mother of three young kids and my youngest who just turned 15 months was just like everything you've described. She would not let me put her down to do anything! I finally bought a pouch sling and it did the trick. She would instantly go to sleep as soon as I put her in it. It was the only thing that kept me sane. It did take some time getting used to doing things with her in it but I did get the hang of it. Hang in there. I know how tough it can be.

Rebecca - posted on 08/01/2009

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I don't recommend putting cereal in the bottle unless the doctor has oked this. If your child is really crying all the time and spitting upi - has she been putting on weight? She might have reflux which would need to be diagnosed by your pediatritian. Another cause could be that she is allergic to the formula and it isn't sitting well with her. You holding her could alleviate some of the pressure on her stomach. My first recommendation is to take her to her doctor and make sure there is no medical condition causing her discomfort.

Minnie - posted on 08/01/2009

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Carissa, countless mothers around the world carry their infants 24/7. It's called a sling, and then you sleep with baby in bed. I am not a super mom, nor am I irrational. I am a mother who knows what infants need. It's only a product of western culture that expects early independence in the form of sitting quietly in a bouncer, or exersaucer, or sleeping alone in a crib. For 99% of humanity's existence infants have spent most of their first year attached to mother's body in a sling, and sleeping on her belly at night. So it IS completely doable. I, like Tamara, have carried my infant almost constantly since she was born. She's nine months now. It works.



Hmmm...don't exactly see where I was rude or irrational. Do you want justification for letting your baby cry?

Rhonda - posted on 08/01/2009

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awwwww how heart-wrenching that is! Carissa..#1 everybody needs to stop holding her 24/7 even as much as it hurts you. Try wrapping her snug in a blanket with your smell on it; maybe put a pillow up against her back as she lays on her side (while YOU are awake and watching her) just so she feels "touch". *shrugs*

As for her not feeling as if she is full I would suggest baby cereal. All children/babies are different...I know.

My daughter was a bottomless pit when it came to formula; so I put baby cereal in her bottles in the morning and evenings...what a HUGE difference.

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Wearing my son in a baby carrier was a life saver for me for those first few months! It did take some time to practice doing my day to day routines while wearing him. But it worked like a charm! When my son felt unhappy in his swing, I bought a gently used vibrating bouncy seat. Also worked like a charm, and in many ways better than the swing. Babies also look for other stimuli within their enviornment. Do you have a soft baby floor mat with lights, dangling toys, and music? Something that baby can look at and watch? If you have playtime on the floor with your baby, it will help smooth the transition from wanting to be held 24/7 to wanting to see, touch, hear, and play with other toys. Also a change of scenery: taking walks, going to the zoo, baby groups, etc. Good luck to you!

Tamara - posted on 08/01/2009

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Carissa, I wore my daughter for just about everything for the vast majority of her first year. Babies NEED to be held and tended to when they cry. Crying is their only form of communication. I advise you get a soft baby carrier and use it so you can not only do chores but keep your baby close to you.

Carissa - posted on 08/01/2009

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Wow, Lisa. I think that was very rude. Not everyone can pee with a baby in their lap like you. Not everyone can clean, cook and do what they need to do like you. You must be some kind of super mom. No, you're just irrational. Don't misconceive my post as if I don't carry my baby. I love holding her and rocking her. I just can't do it 24/7. Humans need to sleep, they need to eat and drink. It's kind of a survival thing!! So take your rude comments somewhere else.

Leann - posted on 08/01/2009

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my first son was like that and we found that for some reason turning on the vacuum soothed him. he would imediatly stop crying. but if it is a real prob i would suggest getting a sling and just strap her on if only to get some sanity! i have 3 kids so sanity is important! lol! dont feel bad and at 3 months your baby is not spoiled! dont worry! you do what you gotta do to make her feel better!

Jennifer - posted on 08/01/2009

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don't let that last one scare you. My son is spoiled rotten even with me trying to reverse what my husband instilled, it didn't work. My husband was a stay at home dad for the first year of my son's life. He couldn't handle the fact that my son cried, and then my daughter would cry in response. (She's 18 months older) So, he held him all the time! Well, me working a lot made me feel horribly guilty if I just let him cry when I was home, so I picked him up too. When the time came to have to reverse the problem, it was too late. With my daughter, she was your childs age, I was able to fix the problem. All I did was start off slowly easing her away from me, by barely inches, in our quite mommy and me time. When I went to the restroom, I just talked to her while she screamed, until I came back. Then I went back into the same position I was in before I went to the bathroom. My daughter calmed down really quick, my son is still the whiney baby if he's not held, and he's 17 months old. I love them both, but you can tell a difference in the independence of them both. Hang in there. Things will get better. New mom or not, you still will find your own way to do things. And, have you tried cereal yet? Keeps them fuller longer. :-)

Minnie - posted on 08/01/2009

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Let's see...she was carried 24/7 for almost ten months and now you think that wanting to be carried makes her spoiled rotten?

Human infants are supremely vulnerable and they are born with the expectations that they will be carried all day long and slept with at night. It's a survival instinct.

Mothers all around the world and throughout the milennia have strapped their babies to their bodies and gone about their lives. I suggest you get a soft baby carrier like a mei tai or a sling and put her in it.

You carry your infant. That's what you do. You don't let her cry. I myself have gone to the bathroom countless times with an infant in my lap, even attached to the boob, and have even nursed while shaving my legs in the shower. It's doable. You have to see it from her point of view. To be put down=possible injury or death. To be in mother's arms=comfort, stability, and safety.

Jamie - posted on 08/01/2009

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Try spending certain times of the day w/just you and her. Put her on her belly on the floor. Start "playing" w/her. Then when you've fed her and changed her, and everything is good, and she's not tired, put her down and do whatever you need to do. If she's still fussy, let her cry. You need to reverse what your mom has done. Have you tried her w/her binky? Try that and talk to her to calm her down.My daughter was the same. I had to start kinda letting her know what was mommy and daughter time, and what was mommy needs to clean time. I still have to bring her w/me wherever I go, but now, I just talk to her and she's fine. She'll get fussy after awhile because she needs to eat and take a nap. Sometimes I have to calm her down by putting my face against hers and talk sweet to her. They love the physical contact. If it's not hot outside, try swaddling her, so she thinks she's being held and comfy w/momma and talk to her. Believe me, they love it!!! Hang in there girl, it gets better. They have to stop crying eventually right!!! Let me know how things work out. Remember, I'm only giving advice from what you're telling in your post. So if you have anymore questions, please contact me. I know how hard it is. Hang in there, and keep your head up!!!! :-D

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