My baby's father is really depressing me....

Jasmine - posted on 03/21/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have a 9 month old daughter Audrina... I love her to death. but her dad seriously treats me like crap... he goes out every weekend (when i beg him not to go out and drink anymore { usually he promises me he wont anymore} ) and ignores my phone calls and text messages the whole weekend. I get really upset a lot of the time and just stay home * @ my parents house * and mostly cry and cry.... to the point where i dont feel like taking care of her anymore...then he calls me the next day and apologizes and makes things better... i always push him to try and change him into a better person i try so hard to make us into a family. im 19 and hes 21, i dont know what to do. im becoming so depressed and when i try to talk to his mom and tell her whats going on she just defends him and says thats how he is and if i love him i should just learn how to deal with him... his family is also very controlling over the baby... sometimes i just think to myself wth have i gotten myself into for having a baby with him and his controlling family... i dont know if i will ever get over him sometimes i wish i didnt love him or he was compleltly out of my life.. but i know if i some how leave with the baby he will end up getting the whole court system involved? im so depressed and feel so stuck in this...i know me and her deserve better but i cant get myself to move on i just take his crap. & i feel like hes not changing anytime soon.... anyone else been through what im going through or felt this way???

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Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2011

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I spent way too long trying to change my first husband, who was 25 when we had our 1st. I thought eventually he would grow up and realize that he had such a great thing right there in front of him. Instead of me changing him, he changed me and not in a good way. He drug me down so far, that I actually thought about suicide almost everynight. Finally, one night he went to jail (not the 1st time either) and something just snapped inside me. Our son was 12months, and I was 5 1/2 prego with our daughter. I moved in with my parents that night, and refused to take him back. There was a while after he got out of jail that I thought about taking him back. It just took me growing up myself, to realize that he would always be the way he was, and me and my kids deserved better. My advice to you is to get out! He's already drug you down so far, that you can't see how much better your life will be without him. Give yourself a chance, and the world will look so much brighter.

Jenni - posted on 03/21/2011

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The only obligations you should have is to your daughter and yourself. You should at least look into a support group in your area. Maybe they will be able to help you understand your situation. Do you think you may have PPD? Maybe you should speak with your doctor about the possibility.

Jenni - posted on 03/21/2011

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You can't change anybody else. Only yourself and your situation. What reason have you given him to change if you continue to put up with his crap. He's gonna keep doing his thing because he knows you'll put up with it.

If you feel like living the rest of your life how it is right now. Then keep on. If not, get out. The way I see it; you only have two choices.



Do you have some reason to fear him taking you to court? Like a drug problem or anything else that would deem you unfit? If not, you have nothing to worry about. The courts generally side with the mother.



There are also support groups for women of controlling spouses I'd recommend searching for some in your area.

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Rochelle - posted on 07/27/2011

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This sounds a lot like my situation.. only my ex is 36! Maturity and age aren't always related. I agree with the other posters. You won't be able to change him, but he may change you for the worse. He may also impact your child in a negative way by setting a bad example. If I were you I'd get out. Thats what I did. I moved far far away from him and his controlling family. I haven't been so happy in years. He's had his chance.. You are responsible for your own happiness. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Surround yourself with positive people who you admire. Surrounding yourself with people like your ex might be disastrous. We can't help but absorb habits from people we are around alll the time..

Gwen - posted on 03/22/2011

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He obviously is not ready to grow up and is too immature to understand what responsibility is. You can't force him to "be a family".

Get yourself some counseling. It sounds like you already have a stable place to live. Are your parents supportive of you? If so, they will be a great resource in helping provide a stable environment for your child.

Kick his butt to the curb. No one deserves to be treated like crap. I promise you, he does not know the meaning of love. Love is respectful and compassionate. Traits he is not familiar with. Do you want your daughter to marry a loser? If not, then I suggest you get yourself healthy and show her what a courageous, strong, self-respecting woman looks like! She deserves the best, and as her mother, you owe her that.

So what if he drags it to court, isn't your daughter worth the fight? If he is violent or abusive, file for a restraining order. Change your phone #, email, etc. and do not get into petty arguements w/ him or his family. 'Yes' or 'No' answers are all they need.

It's a crappy situation that only you can change. You have the power.

Jasmine - posted on 03/21/2011

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Hey thanks for the reply and no I don't have any drug problems. I just don't want to go to court esp cuz he has a huge supportive family that do put me down a lot and knowing them they would get the best lawyer the mom has tried asking me once if she can keep Audrina when she was 3 months old.... I'm really just in general upset all the time but I can't seem to make myself get up and leave him....and that's why I feel like giving up most of the time and its really disgusting for me to feel this way because I'm a mother and I shouldn't.

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