My BD said he wants to come back but needs time.

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Hi I am currently 9 weeks. My BD broke up with me then started dating this girl. When I told him I was pregnant he was furious and he wanted to abort the baby. I told him no and I told alot of harsh words and leave us alone if he is not going to man up. Few days later he told me he wants to support the baby even though we are not together. I told him I do not want to give my child a broken family, if he wants to be with his current gf he may leave but if he choose me and the baby then I need someone who is reliable. I told him to just be straight up with me he said he needs time to fix things with his family. After a few days of planning and arguements I had enough I told him that his reason is pure bullshit I told him I do not want to fix anything and thats theres no point to get back together just for the baby if he diesnt love me. I asked him if he does love me and the baby. He then messaged me he loves the baby and he wants to take away the baby from me and my family. I told him to fuck off I also messaged his mom that they do not have any rights for the child after every pain and humiliation that his son caused me and my family. He was loved and trusted by my parents but he was a cheater and verbally abusive. So when he broke up withnme I told my parents everything and now he blames me why he cant come back to me. I told him its all bs i told him to fuck off and they will never know or meet the baby. I block him on fb and we havent spoken for a week then he message me again with the same song and dance. This time he said to give him time because the problem I caused to his family(in d course of our relationship he told his family every arguements we have) was not easy to fix and the relationship he entered was not easy to get out that he is looking for the best time for him and his gf to talk. I messaged him that I do not want him back and he will never be welcomed again. Was it a good move? I want my baby to have a complete family but it scarese he would take away my baby from me.

3 Comments

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Ev - posted on 09/08/2016

7,249

7

909

{Theres no need to court if he will not be included in the birth certificate right.}

You would be in the wrong about this. It is best to put him on the birth certificate anyway because there are benefits your child would be out of if you did not and he did not pursue paternity. Next, leaving him off the birth certificate knowingly is also fraud. Then, he would still have the right to petition to have a DNA test done to prove he is the father so he could have his rights as the father and you would have to comply with the court orders for that. Also, court orders for custody, visitation, and child support protect the child's interests of having a relationships with both parents and protects the parents in case one or the other violates the orders in any form or fashion.

It is not up to you to decide if he is good enough to be in the life of this child or not but for the courts to decide. His relationship with you good or bad will not have any impact on that of the one he would have with the child. Also if you withhold the child, he could take you to court for parental alienation and you could lose custody.

Regardless of your relationship status, you chose to be with this guy and a baby is the result. Maybe you should have been using birth control instead of not using it and also should have been sure of accepting him back if he was cheating on you once already.

[deleted account]

Theres no need to court if he will not be included in the birth certificate right. Yes I do admit I am hurt. I was engaged to him he cheated once already and I forgave him. We also had a kid before that but i had a misscarriage after that he started to cheat he thought I intended to do it because I did not want to have a baby.

Ev - posted on 09/08/2016

7,249

7

909

{Hi I am currently 9 weeks. My BD broke up with me then started dating this girl. When I told him I was pregnant he was furious and he wanted to abort the baby. I told him no and I told alot of harsh words and leave us alone if he is not going to man up.}
-----I know this is not what you wanted to happen and it hurts when the man who is the father of your child gets like this. You have to understand a couple things though. When he found out you were pregnant it was as much a shock to him as it was to you. I do not know for sure but it sounds like you two were not planning to be parents just yet and it did happen. You both got mad and said some harsh things to each other. It will take him a bit longer to come around about the baby than it might you because you will be carrying the child not he.
{{ Few days later he told me he wants to support the baby even though we are not together. I told him I do not want to give my child a broken family, if he wants to be with his current gf he may leave but if he choose me and the baby then I need someone who is reliable. I told him to just be straight up with me he said he needs time to fix things with his family.}}
-----As far as trying to work things out, it does not sound like from here that you were yet open to working things out with him. A few days is not enough time to come up with a plan to stay together or work things out with him. Even if you are not together he can still be a reliable parent as you guys need to learn how to co-parent without letting your emotions cloud what the child needs.
{ After a few days of planning and arguements I had enough I told him that his reason is pure bullshit I told him I do not want to fix anything and thats theres no point to get back together just for the baby if he diesnt love me. I asked him if he does love me and the baby.}
-----You did not say what his reason was about fixing the family and regardless of it being a lot of BS you and he do not need to be together for the baby and it does not matter if he loves your or not. This is about the child to come not your feelings or his.



{ He then messaged me he loves the baby and he wants to take away the baby from me and my family. I told him to fuck off I also messaged his mom that they do not have any rights for the child after every pain and humiliation that his son caused me and my family. He was loved and trusted by my parents but he was a cheater and verbally abusive.}
-----He has every right to parent and be with the child as you do. You will have to go to court when the child is born to set up custody, visitation and child support. You will need to brace yourself for the choices of the court regarding the best interest of your child. His family have no legal say in the matter of the child just you and dad.
{ So when he broke up withnme I told my parents everything and now he blames me why he cant come back to me. I told him its all bs i told him to fuck off and they will never know or meet the baby.}
-----This is where you are wrong. He has a right to file with court to have some sort of custody, visitation and so forth to be in his child’s life. You can not deny him that. As for his family knowing the child, once visitation etc is set up he can take the baby to see his family. You won’t be able to stop that.











{ I block him on fb and we havent spoken for a week then he message me again with the same song and dance. This time he said to give him time because the problem I caused to his family(in d course of our relationship he told his family every arguements we have) was not easy to fix and the relationship he entered was not easy to get out that he is looking for the best time for him and his gf to talk. I messaged him that I do not want him back and he will never be welcomed again. Was it a good move? I want my baby to have a complete family but it scarese he would take away my baby from me.}}
-----First, you have every right not to have any contact with him outside of say text messages or emails concerning the child. Next, let him do whatever he needs to with his life if he is showing this much interest now to get ready for the child. You do not need to know his story anymore if you do not plan to be with him and no law out there says you have to stay with the guy for the child’s well being. You have also told your family all the bad things he did to you so what is the difference if he tells them what you did or said? I find that childish to begin with that you both back stab each other because you are no longer getting along as a couple. Put that crap aside because you two have a child coming. What he does with his girlfriend has nothing to do with you or the child. If you do not want to hear it tell him that the only conversations you two need from now on is for the child.
As for your moves that you have made: Telling bad things about him to your family was not necessary nor was his move to tell bad things about you to his family good either or necessary. Restricting contact to text messages is good but needs to be solely about the baby nothing more. Arguing with him does no good. Telling him he and his family will never see the child was wrong as well as he can petition the courts to have his rights heard and granted as the judge deems fit. You are stuck with this man for the next 18 years or so as parents and you need to get used to that idea because you will need to file for court orders for custody, visitation, and child support. You also need to know that he can also file for custody, visitation and child support too. You also need to know that you can not keep him from having the child around people just because you do not like them and need to be able to prove them a danger to the child and the same will go for him. The baby can still have a complete family from both sides if you will just learn to work with the father to parent this child in the way this child needs to be parented.
Lastly, you are upset because he told you to abort and then moved onto another girl. Yes, it hurts but you have a child to think about and your feelings about him do not matter one way or another. They are blinding you to what this child is going to need and that is both of you as you both have the right to parent this child and be in its life. Only a judge can say if someone is not fit enough to be around this baby and that has to be proven. I was married for almost 13 years when my ex and I divorced. I never knew why or understood the reasons behind it. We had built up a life or so I thought, and had kids too. But my kids never were taken from their dad nor was he not allowed to be in their lives. Also another thing: They lived with him as primary care parent.
The point is things are not going to go just your way so you need to get used to it.

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